i don’t think this makes me a bad person

April 3, 2008 Crystal medium, wisconsin

ummm, i have a confession to make.

i haven’t done my taxes yet.

mostly I’m scared that I’ll have to pay $3 million (ish) to get them done because aside from my federal taxes, like four states are involved. (for those who don’t know, i lived in iowa, south dakota and wisconsin in 2008 and also lived in illinois while working in iowa).

my secret plan was to do an article for my paper about places to get taxes done free and then get my taxes done free and one of the places.

but i had a mistake about capital gains in the article and there was a ‘thing’ with the woman at the free tax center where she didn’t want to give me her name for the interview and i had to be kind of condesending to her (note: hey dorks, if you want a reporter to ever USE anything you give them, you have to give them you’re stupid name. dorks.).

i refuse to pay a private citizen to do ANYthing required of me by the government, so NO! I won’t be going to handrblock or jacksonhewitt or even janedoeaccounting.

this has all resulted in me not getting my taxes done.

my new plan is to suck it up and call the free tax center. and disguise my voice. and go by my middle name.

im thinking the lady probably forgot me anyway so it shouldn’t be a big deal. right?

UPDATE: umm, i think i just did my taxes with turbo tax online. except they told me to print something and i don’t have a printer, so that might be a problem later….

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why i hate social eating (and by extension America)

April 3, 2008 Crystal anti-meat, medium

so we had this thing called a “griller” at work today. for all you normal people out there, “griller” actually means “cook-out.” Although, i guess this wasn’t “out” because it was like 32 degrees “out”side, and we had to have it in an old warehouse.

i know. fun. times.

well, all freaking week everyone at work was all “DON’T WORRY! we got YOU special vegan burgers for our griller!”

and i was all “yay.” only i wasn’t being sarcastic. i REALLY was excited about this stupid vegan burger.

but THEN! ohhhhh. snap.

i got downstairs and all the vegan burgers were taken. and when i found that there were no vegan burgers left, i cried on the inside. (and shed a tear on the outside).

AND! seeing as how I’m the only vegan and one of like three vegetarians at my job, im pretty sure MINE was taken by a stupid meat-eater.

a very stupid meat-eater. and whoever it was, i now hate them. seriously. hate.

and THEN! i accidentally ate some damn powdered cheese on a potato chip. although, i’m told that said “powdered cheese” is so far from real cheese that it doesn’t count.

to top everything off, some stupid meat-eater was all “oh, you can’t eat anything? don’t you think it would be healthier to have a piece of chicken instead of that pepsi you’re drinking?”

hey idiot! i WAS going to be healthy with a vegan burger, until some stupid meat eater like yourself ATE it!

BTW, i killed that guy.  (true story.)

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