an ode to taco bell hot sauce packets (because i have an unhealthy love for them)

hot. hot. hot.

So ever since i became a vegan, i seriously cannot get enough taco bell hot sauce. im thinking it’s because my taste buds totally changed after i gave up cheese (that really does read like a realistic reason, doesn’t it? probably because it’s TOTALLY plausible).

ok. ok. i don’t ACTUALLY eat the hot sauce. i actually eat the mild sauce. what? i’m from the d*mn mid-west. im SENSITIVE to spicy foods — regardless of my cheese-less diet.

even with my mild-sauce status, i’m feeling pretty proud of myself lately. I can now officially eat like THREE mild sauce packets on ONE burrito. THREE PACKETS PEOPLE!

by this time next week i’ll probably be drinking the stuff straight up. i might even start keeping a random bottle of hot sauce on my desk like my co-worker randomly does. (true story.) (no. really. true story. what? she’s just a HOT girl.)

also, taco bell hot mild sauce is cool because it totally comes with really cool quotes. I’m just going to say it right here, right now — if a guy ever seriously wanted to marry me and he gave me a taco bell hot sauce packet that said “will you marry me?” i would probably totally say yes.

other cool sayings include:

make a wish

Tah Dah!

Ahhh…we meet again.

At night the sporks pick on me

Will you scratch my back?

This space for rent. Inquire within.

SEE how funny the people who write sayings on taco bell hot sauce packets are? shucks, they’re almost as funny me. (almost).

Also, taco bell mild sauce is really cool because it’s totally free and you can store extra packets in the little butter drawer in your fridge if you don’t eat butter. 

the mild sauce totally makes an average home-cooked meal GRRREAT! i.e. home -cooked burrito: eh. BUT! home-cooked burrito with taco bell mild sauce? GRRREAT!

In conclusion: i really, really love taco bell mild sauce. tune in next week for my ode to the seven-layer burrito.*

*note: this ode to the seven-layer burrito blog entry may or may not be a real thing.

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jebus people. if you would just vote for (candidate x) we’d be done with this by now

umm, so i heart politics and all, but seriously. this crap is getting old.

really? really? cinco de mayo was Monday and the Democrats still don’t have their crap together enough to name a d*mn nominee? really?

wtf?

see. this is why the democrats are stupidheads. (look it up. it’s a real political term.) (and i should know. i MAJORED in political science.)

i’ve been a dutiful american since Nov. 2006 (!) and all. and I’ve been totally following this election every. freaking. day.

but it’s getting old. and it’s tearing the party apart. and i KNOW that I’m not really saying anything that hasn’t been said by the 5,483 pundints on CNN (48 percent african american so they can “fairly” cover Obama; 48 percent women so they can “fairly” cover Clinton; and 4 percent old white men so they don’t have to lay EVERYONE off). but i don’t care.

im too frustrated to care.

and i’d like to offer a plan.

everyone just vote for (candidate x) and all of this will be over. and anderson cooper can FINALLY take a d*mn vacation. and newsweek’s cover story can finally NOT be about obama v. clinton and they can go back to covering more important issues.  and i can stop planning my life around primaries in states that probably will go McCain in November any. freaking. way.

im not bitter.

im just american — and i want IMMEDIATE results.

duh.

and NO, the Indiana primary hasn’t been decided yet.

and YES i’m going to bed anyway.

take that democracy.

take.

that.

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jebus people. if you would just vote for (candidate x) we’d be done with this by now

umm, so i heart politics and all, but seriously. this crap is getting old.

really? really? cinco de mayo was Monday and the Democrats still don’t have their crap together enough to name a d*mn nominee? really?

wtf?

see. this is why the democrats are stupidheads. (look it up. it’s a real political term.) (and i should know. i MAJORED in political science.)

i’ve been a dutiful american since Nov. 2006 (!) and all. and I’ve been totally following this election every. freaking. day.

but it’s getting old. and it’s tearing the party apart. and i KNOW that I’m not really saying anything that hasn’t been said by the 5,483 pundints on CNN (48 percent african american so they can “fairly” cover Obama; 48 percent women so they can “fairly” cover Clinton; and 4 percent old white men so they don’t have to lay EVERYONE off). but i don’t care.

im too frustrated to care.

and i’d like to offer a plan.

everyone just vote for (candidate x) and all of this will be over. and anderson cooper can FINALLY take a d*mn vacation. and newsweek’s cover story can finally NOT be about obama v. clinton and they can go back to covering more important issues.  and i can stop planning my life around primaries in states that probably will go McCain in November any. freaking. way.

im not bitter.

im just american — and i want IMMEDIATE results.

duh.

and NO, the Indiana primary hasn’t been decided yet.

and YES i’m going to bed anyway.

take that democracy.

take.

that.

  • Share/Bookmark