July 2008 – Page 6 – The only certainty is bad grammar

seriously. this holiday is better than christmas

July 4, 2008 Crystal humor, im cool, medium

: my hat is cooler than yours.

HAPPY FREAKING FOURTH OF JULY!

this is pretty much my favorite holiday.

there’s fun times. family. and fireworks. (who doesn’t love fireworks? that’s right. nobody.)

everyone is here at my aunt and uncle’s house (hi sandy! hi glen!). and in my family this is THE biggest holiday of the year.

first of all, the weather usually rocks. nobody has ever had to freaking drive to an independance day party in the middle of a blizzard. (at least not in america.) (well, maybe in alaska — im not sure how the weather works there).

second, i didn’t have to buy anybody a gift. as my friend tom loewy says “the most anyone gets asked to do on the fourth is bring a covered dish.”

third, there’s a PARADE! with free candy! before noon! what’s not to enjoy?

and fourth, you don’t even have to believe in the meaning of the holiday to celebrate it. not true with most other things. for example, if you don’t believe in jesus, christmas is kind of lame. and so is easter. HOWEVER, if you don’t believe in like AMERICA, the fourth of july still rocks. im not particularly patriotic (i even hate the president) but it’s still perfectly acceptable for me to get into the spirit of things today with a stylish red, white and blue hat. (see above).

in conclusion: you now have FOUR reasons the FOURth of july is great.

now i need to stop wasting away the BEST day of the year blogging.

GO.FOURTH!!!!!!!!!

i can watch them dance if i want to.

July 3, 2008 Crystal humor, im cool, medium

well not blogging sucks.

im so, so sorry that i haven’t been writing much lately, but i kind of lost a large portion of my interweb access when i quit my job. (stupid job.)

i just wanted you guys to know that im still alive.

and funny as ever.

i’ve basically spent the last few days chillin with my family from new orleans and freaking out about where the heck me and my awesome couch are going to live.

also, ive been navigating chicagoland traffic and eating mcdonald’s french fries WAY more than i should.

however, more importantly, the down time also has allowed me to do my favorite thing in the middle of the day.

watch tv.

i’ve seen 23 episodes of of ‘law and order,’ (seriously, that show is ALWAYS on). I’ve watched the ”local news’ at 5 p.m., 6 p.m. and 10 p.m. and i’ve gotten all caught up on ‘randy jackson presents:‘america’s best dance crew.”

which brings me to my point: I LOVE WATCHING PEOPLE DANCE!

see, ABDC (that’s how ‘america’s best dance crew’ is abbreviated by mtv. i didn’t just make that up) is this super awesome show where “dance crews” from across “america” compete to be the “best.” (what exactly they do after they win the show is yet unclear as cd sales of nobody signing don’t do so well, but i have hope they mtv will be able to market these people.)

it’s hosted by everyone’s favorite high-school crush mario lopez (better known as A.C. Slater) and he’s still has the EXACT SAME hair cut that he had in 1992. he tries really hard to be cool like he was on “saved by the bell,” but the problem is “saved by the bell” was not actually cool, so instead he’s just super corny.

his poor hosting abilities don’t even matter though, because this show is about THE CREWS (which incidentally, rock my socks.) they do like tricks and stuff. and they wear cool outfits. and they are super good dancers (hence the show’s title) and one is even from NAPERVILLE, ILLINOIS (where my bff currently lives).

the judges are also fun.

they include a nice guy (shane), a bitchy talkative woman (lil’ mama) and a gay guy prick a random other guy (mr. j.c. iwasinaboyband)

(i have a serious crush on shane)

the most awesome thing about this show though is that it REALLY IS fun for the whole family.

for example: me, my nine-year-old sister and my 40-something uncle recently enjoyed a full episode together even though NONE of the commercials were marketed toward us. (my teen-age cousin also watched the show with us and afterward immediately went to the store to buy fructis, pre-bought tickets for ‘meet dave’ and signed up for “NOW THAT’S WHAT I CALL MUSIC 432.”)

in conclusion: i love ‘america’s best dance crew’ and you will too. now where are my french fries?

taking his name.

July 3, 2008 Crystal humor, im cool, medium

so me, my two fabulous cousins, and two of my fabulous siblings recently were in my little ford escort for about 4 hours (long story) and during this car trip from heck (like a car trip from h3ll, but not as bad) we played THE CELEBRITY NAME GAME!

this is how it goes: I say ‘jessica simpson’ and then you have to name a celebrity with the first letter of the last name i just said. so like ‘sarah jessica parker’ would work. and then you go around the car (preferably clock-wise) doing this until you get too many ‘c’s in a row and nobody can thinking of anything beyond ‘carrie underwood’ and ‘calvin coolidge.’

it’s d*mn fun times.

and we got to my little sister (she’s nine now) and she had ‘k’

so i was all ‘think of a famous katie. you know, the one married to tom cruise.’

and she was all ‘oh. duh. katie cruise.’

we gave her the point.