January 2009 archive

all part of what my roommate calls, his life goal of dominating his humans.

black jack has devil eyes here. coincidence? i think not.

black jack has devil eyes here. coincidence? i think not.

when i got home from work today, i was STARVING people! so i started boiling water for my box of $1.29 generic deluxe mac and cheese with the cheese packet. and i was expecting to hear the dog freaking out because I WAS HOME AND NOT LETTING HIM OUT OF HIS CAGE THIS INSTANT!!!!!!!

but instead, all i heard was silence. i thought maybe he was just in a deep sleep, and i was actually relieved that i could eat in peace and take him out on MY schedule. but then, because i’m an idiot, i started playing the “worst case scenario” game in my head. it went something like: oh my gosh. what if something happened to him? do you think he’s ok? maybe he got his mouth caught in the cage and he can’t open it enough to yell for help? or maybe he died. CRAP! maybe. he. died.

then i started picturing how i would react if he had died, because I’ve never actually lived with any animals (except, of course, venus the beta. but that fish was dead about 2 hours after i brought it home from wal-mart, so there wasn’t much time for attachment and stuff). i thought i’d probably cry, or at least get a pretty sad. and then my “worst case scenario” game got the best of me and i went upstairs to check on him.

and he was fine.

stupid dog.

and i realized this was all part of his master plan to manipulate me into coming upstairs so he could give me the “I’m the cutest dog in the whole wide world” look and i’d be forced to take him out of his cage. he’s crafty this one i tell you.

so i took him outside and let him pee supa quick seeing as how it was like negative a million out. and then, because im the worst dog mommy ever i put in back in his cage so i could finish cooking dinner and then, you know, EAT said dinner.

holy sadness, did he cry. and it wasn’t even cries of anger, which are easy to justifiably ignore. no. they were cries of complete depression. i mean he was sobbing. and don’t really understand why, seeing as how i GAVE him a fake piece of bacon to go into the cage. what the heck did he want from me?

but the crying got to me, and after i finished my mac and cheese with a side of soy burger, i decided to put on 56 layers and take him for a walk. I hooked him to his retractable leash, grabbed a wal-mart bag for the inevitable gross part, and the out we went.

only about a block down, and three minutes after the gross part (yes, I am at this point, holding a bag of poop) he somehow broke free. and this little black dog can RUN people. and “worst case scenario” game kicked in to turbo mode, and i started freaking out that someone would accidentally hit him with their car. so i started sprinting past garages yelling “BLACK JACK!!!! BLACK JACK!!! COME HERE BOY!!!’ while wildly flailing a bag of poop. only, he didn’t realize this was all VERY DANGEROUS, and instead, thought this whole thing was THE FUNNEST GAME EVER!!!! so he kept running, and then turning back toward me to let me catch up just.a.little and then running some more.

stupid dog.

finally though, i ran fast enough to catch him. ok. i didn’t. im not fast. instead, his leash got caught in the snow i was able to step on it and grab his collar.  and i was all, quick. did anyone just see that? no. phew. ok. while simultaneously catching my breath and yelling at him. only he was just galloping through the snow toward our house, like he hadn’t just almost killed himself.

i finally got him inside and realized two things. a. this dog had ALL DAY to plan this, so i shouldn’t be too hard on myself. and b. i need to get those grippy gloves to i don’t lose his leash EVER AGAIN.

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Because when I pray – he answers.

Because when I confess – he forgives.

Because when I give – he takes care of me.

Because when I worry – he calms.

Because when I need – he provides.

Because I couldn’t imagine life without him – and I don’t have to imagine death with him.

Although my faith is a fundamental part of my life, I don’t talk about it enough on this site. I do believe in God. and I try to live my life as a constant conversation with Jesus.

I like knowing that God is on my side, because life is hard.

I saw this video tonight at church and it gave me chills. It’s my understanding that the voice in the background is Billy Graham.  I’m posting it here, and if anyone out there ever has any questions at all about God, or Jesus, or Church, don’t hesitate to ask. All you have to do is say “hey crystal, I saw that God thing on your site. what’s up with that?” or “hey crystal, why do you always try to get Sunday’s off work? What do you do all day?” or even “hey crystal, what are your thoughts on the Bible?”

And, if you’re wondering, I do in fact try to pray for all my blog readers every night before I go to sleep.

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ya. i could see titanic 498 more times, and i still wouldn’t get sick of it

im sitting at home watching the movie titanic on TNT.tv. in case you’re trying to do the math in your head, i was in fact its EXACT target market when it came out -14 years old and a freshman in high school. and holy crap did it solidify my true love for leonardo. see, what happened was i had developed a small crush after seeing in him in Romeo and Juliet, but that came out when i like 11, so at the time i didn’t even know my feelings were a crush.

don’t worry though. by the time i was 14, i KNEW what love felt like. and i spent $7 like 5 times to go see the three-and-a-half-hour movie at the local Lowes Ciniplex, which a. was walking distance from my house, and thereby perfect for a 14 year old, and b. has since turned into some sort of muslim church. true story, my friend’s dad didn’t realize this and attempted to take a date there once. he figured out was was happening when he walked in to the former lobby and saw that pop corn was not, in fact, on sale.

ok. back to titanic. i made all three of my friends see it with me. multiple times. and then i cried EVERY.TIME. and explained to everyone that this was THE BEST MOVIE EVER. PEOPLE!

and yes, the movie may have done some permanent damage by convincing me that money isn’t important, despite the fact that it is. and that poor guys are sexy. and these two things may have not only led to my tragic career choice, (where i make no money) but also to my many tragic dating choices. sigh. it’s just SUCH a good movie though.

i will now rekindle your undoubted love for this movie, by explaining some of my favorite parts:

1. when rose says she bought Picasso paintings, and her stupid idiot finance says Picasso is lame and will never amount to anything.

2. when leo (jack) saves rose who’s planning to kill herself by jumping off the boat. (i do close my eyes here though, because i always think that THIS time, he won’t be able to pull her back on the ship and she’ll die). and rose says, “you’re distracting me. go away.” and leo says, “i can’t. im involved now.” (le sigh. he is SO cute). and rose says “you’re crazy.” and then leo says “that’s what everybody says, but with all do respect miss. im not the one hanging off the back of a ship here.”

3. When rose gives leo’s last name as her own at the end.

4. when leo teaches rose how to spit like a man.

5. when leo gives rose a note after dinner. im always worried that after the dinner, they might never get the chance to see each other again. alas, he was on top of things though and able to borrow a pen.

6. when rose’s stupid fiancee tries to buy his way onto one of the life boats and someone tells him that money is no longer important.

7. when the stupid idiot who built the ship is talking about how big it is, and then rose says “do you know of dr. Freud? … His ideas about the male’s preoccupation with size might be of particular interest to you.” and the idiot says “Freud, who is he? a passenger of the ship?”

8. basically the whole move.

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