Monthly Archive: April 2009

the night i met beautiful people

yes. after i fell at work saturday (see below) i did eventually make my way to the bar (note to boss: don’t fret, i totally drank straight pepsi until 12:01 a.m. fully aware of my on-call status).

i was meeting up with a friend last seen in my undergrad days at Western Illinois University (GO LEATHERNECKS!). which used be a short period of time, but gets longer every year. frick, it’s been like what? nearly four trips around the stupid sun. hot d*mn does time fly.

anywho, so i met up with this friend, whom prior to saturday night, had only communicated with me via gChat since 2005, and his girlfriend. and they were cool and normal and whatnot.

but holy hot people, the girls at our table were good looking. seriously. when the blonde walked in, i kind of thought someone had finally made my holiday barbie into a real-life person. i am not exaggerating one bit. and all of them were wearing diamonds on their left hand that i had previously assumed only existed as costume jewelry.

i spent an unhealthy amount of my time picturing what their lives must be like. with their perfect purses, their inability to take bad photos, and their year-long tans.

i could not look away.

i mean, it’s not like i was attracted to them. obviously.

no. this was different. this was me wondering what life must be like for these people, who i’ll never be friends with. and also, the odd feeling of seeing such beautiful people up close. i realized about 10 minutes in that these were the girls who ruled their respective high school dance squads, and homecoming courts and best dressed lists. THIS is what they turned out like 8 years after high school. they still had perfect lives, at least from the view i had.

i wish i had something profound to end on here. something about how, now that im older i’ve realized that looks don’t matter. or how im happy with my own life.

but instead i have a confession. a boy once asked me what i would change about the my life’s circumstances if i could choose something to alter.

“well, i wish i prettier.” i said.

still do.

my only solace is that, i would guess the girls i met Saturday night would probably give the same answer.

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some thoughts on aplusk, journalism and internet explorer

what does it say about me that I didn’t understand ashton kutcher’s twitter name until cnn told me what it meant this week?

for those of you living in facebook-land going around telling everyone why you never, ever want to join twitter, yes, ashton kutcher is on twitter. and yes, it is really him. (note to mom: he’s the one who plays kelso on That 70s Show). and this week he was in a race with one of cnn’s twitters to reach one million followers first. and he won.

and even though they lost, cnn covered the crap out of it. they even aired an awkward conversation between ashton and larry king, in which larry king asked ashton if he was the new king of twitter and ashton got all upset and annoyed that lary king was missing the whole point because there are no KINGS of twitter. everyone is equal there. and i kind of think larry king just likes the sound of his own name, and likes to use it in creative ways and had no idea that he would offend ashton with the comment.

so ya. ashton’s twitter name is aplusk, which I’ve been going around pronouncing literally. all “ap-lus-ka.” as in: “hey, roommate, do you follow ap-lus-ka?” or “oh, look ap-lus-ka just tweeted.”

but that was wrong.

it’s actually a plus k. as in his first initial “plus” his last initial. ha. he’s a clever one.

anyway, now that that’s settled, let’s talk about how i fell yesterday.

i got off work at about 10 p.m. and rushed out to my car to transform my work clothes into a passable bar outfit in the parking lot. and while in midst of taking off my black keds, and putting on my candies heels, an editor came out to alert me of a possible accident nearby. FRICKING FRICK! i yelled. why doesn’t God ever want me to have fun?!

then, i rushed to throw on two shoes and run back into the office, only i accidentally put on one black heel and one brown. and they were two different heights.

i was managing just fine though, until of them caught the back of my pant leg.

then, splat.

seriously. face first into the tile floor hallway that runs past the bathrooms.

and my purse, keys and blackberry went flying.

that hurt. it hurt like someone had just taken a slap of cement and slammed it against my knees. which, now that i think about it, is kind of what happened.

and my editor was so consumed with deadline and walking so far ahead of me that he barely noticed. so i took off my shoes, picked up my crap and walked limped barefoot over to my desk so i could get to work.

im pretty sure there’s a metaphor about journalism in there somewhere. but i’ll let you come up with that.

because now we need to talk about why nobody should be using internet explorer.

really? REALLY?! you’re still using that web browser? really?

you need to upgrade to firefox right this second. click here. and then click download. and within minutes your internet experience will suddenly be more awesomer. for free.

true story.

although i’ve never been fan of the browser, my discontent with it was magnified last week when it decided it hated my blog. and it took me a solid seven days to figure that it was a bad html code in one of my posts.


what the crap?

that’s insane. so it has become my new life goal to convince everyone that internet explorer needs to die. right now.

this was step one. feel free to stay tuned for steps 2 through 9. and if anyone knows where i can get a zebra, let me know.

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Vitameatavegamin: A look at vegan vitamins

i truly accredit my latest success with veganism to vitamins.

you say placebo, i say wonder drug.

my grandma lindell would be so proud. she was addicted to vitamins the way 20-somethings are addicted to twitter. I have memories of her popping like 15 a day. or maybe it was 50. who could tell?

and she was one of those addicts who was always trying to push her latest product. she’d order them for me and my brothers when I was little and then she would ship us the children’s chewables shaped like a stars from geneseo, il because she thought they were THAT important and awesome. Now that’s passed on, I’m pretty sure 85 percent of my immediate family has gotten 65 percent less healthy.

so, maybe it’s a sign that I’ve grown up to be like her, or maybe it’s a sign that I’ve finally been brainwashed by the health stores like her, but i’ve become pretty dependent on my daily caplets. Ironically it’s because of the one trait i possess that never failed to make her cringe – the lack of animal in my diet – that prompted the need for them in the first place. granted, things have gotten a little more extreme since she graced the earth, what with my new-found lack of milk, cheese and eggs. EGGS!! i hear her scream from heaven. BUT WHAT WILL YOU EAT FOR BREAKFAST NOWWWW!!!???!?!


i miss her.

amway, i know you’re dying to find out what i could possibly be popping that makes me THIS COOL. the answer? VegLife Vegan Iron vitamins that I bought at Whole Foods a few months ago. Aside from their namesake Iron, they also have B-12.  the two things every vegan needs. and im telling you, they freaking work. (see: dizzy, lack of).

but it wasn’t a bottomless jar, and because a. i didn’t feel like driving 67 miles to the nearest whole foods and b. i like instant gratification and therefore avoid ordering online, I set out to find new vitamins wednesday at my local GNC.

and there they were. the store’s brand of vegetarian vitamins.

can i get a woot! woot!

these things have 100 percent of EVERYTHING! iron. check. b-2. check. b-12. check. zinc. check.

they’re so potent that they make my pee turn bright yellow, which I can only assume is a sign of my new super healthy-ness.

now excuse me while i save the world with my new-found b-complex powers.

all it a day’s work for us vitamin takers. all. in. a. day’s. work.

UPDATE: I hope SCVegan is joking in my comments section, but just in case, you really don’t get the reference:

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