November 2009 – Page 3 – The only certainty is bad grammar

now I (want to) lay me down to sleep.

Published: November 13, 2009 / Updated: November 13, 2009 Crystal exercise, humor, medium

Fine. Waking up at 4:30 a.m. so I could go to a 5:15 jazzercise class was totally my fault.

But I’m just cranky enough to not give a crap about semantics like that.

I’m so tired that I’m literally getting angry at my cell phone like it’s a human being with an ability to make me mad on purpose. All “Why do you always go so slow when I need navigation? You KNOW I hate that. I swear to outlets that you do this crap just to annoy me.”

And if we’re being honest here, I slept until noon yesterday. Then, I watched 45 minutes of TNT on TV, met an old friend for lunch (late dinner), watched the Bears game through three interceptions, stopped being a Bears fan until Aug. 2010, and then went back to bed.

I was tried then too.

Blame it on a work schedule that jacks up my sleep patterns like techno music from a gay bar in the late 90s. And my desire to lose 24 more stupid pounds, which really just means not eating and working out like, well techno music from that same gay bar. And me volunteering for things like homeless shelters and youth groups. Neither of those really help the sleep-thing either, if, well, like I said, we’re being honest here.

So, when the stupid boy from the West coast called tonight, someone should have grabbed the phone from my cold, pale fingers and explained that he was, in fact, walking into crazy crystal-land, with a little Friday the 13th on the side.

I mean, he doesn’t call in like 11 months and then expects to be all “hey. what’s up? how are you.”

NOT gonna happen.

Didn’t happen.

Rather, I explained to him that this is not an acceptable way to call up random girls. And that maybe he should evaluate his stupid life and when he’s got his crap together THEN, he should call.

And I got off the phone.

The “I’m so tired I could fall asleep in the check-out line” thing is just semantics though.

He deserved it regardless.

True story.

RANDOM: Apture, jazzercise, da Bears

Published: November 10, 2009 / Updated: November 10, 2009 Crystal bears, exercise, humor, im cool, long, random thoughts, Wow

You may have noticed a new, supa cool thing on my Web site. It’s called Apture, and it’s the little icons next to all my links.

It makes it so you don’t have to actually click the link, but instead can just roll over the word and the information will appear. Like internet magic.

It also let’s me put related content in the same link, under the main picture. So when I write about, say, Johnny Depp, I can include a link to his bio, and then like five of his pictures underneath that you can click on. Fun times.

Also, Jazzercise is kicking my butt. And it’s making want carbs crazy style.

I usually stick to about 1,000 calories a day. Fine. 800. (Don’t judge me. Losing weight is hard).

But now, I’m hunting through my empty shelf in the fridge like I there’s a winning lottery ticket in there. I haven’t quite figured out how to deal with this, but I’m hoping I’ll get more used to the workout from heck in the next week or so.

Speaking of not eating. Shopping is crazy fun since I’ve lost weight. Crazy expensive, but still crazy fun. None of my old clothes even stay up with a belt, so I’ve had to buy some new classic pieces. I don’t want to buy too much because I’m still hoping to lose 25 more pounds, but it’s not like I can just wear baggy pants everyday with shirts down to my knees right?

So I got this crazy amazing black fitted blazer from the Banana Republic outlet store Sunday. The already discounted outlet price of $80 was slashed down to $40. I’m just lucky like that I guess.

How many days a week do you think I can wear it? I’m shooting for five. Fine. Seven.

Also, what is UP with the stupid bears? Seriously. I don’t even know what to say anymore. At first, after the Packers game, I was all, “It’s cool. We can get past this. Jay Cutler was just nervous.”

But then, my heart just started to hurt and I felt a little guilty for being so hard on Cutler.

Eventually though, I just got p*ssed. I mean seriously Lovie, get your crap together, right? Why is he even our freaking coach? And why does our offensive line suck so bad? They make tons of money, the least they can do is pretend to care.

After that, I was just sad. Lonely. I started to fully realize how bad the team is. This was right around the time I started hating the Bengals.

By the next week, I started to realize that I didn’t NEED to watch every second, of every game. Not only could I multi-task during the first half, I could just skip huge chunks of it to go shopping. I felt like I was gaining organization in my life.

Then, I realized that the best way to deal with this whole mess of team this year was to not take things too seriously. And finally, I accepted the fact that Bears will not be going to the playoffs this year.

It’s like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

Well, actually, Jazzercise makes if feel like there’s weights on my shoulders all day. But you get the point.

writing can do that. / mad men is insane.

Published: November 8, 2009 / Updated: November 8, 2009 Crystal short, Wow

Why are you not watching Mad Men?

The season finale just aired. It was better than air.

And other things.

The show touched my soul.

A TV show. Touched my soul.

Then it wrapped up my heart in a blanket.

I couldn’t even say anything for the last 54 minutes because I was so riveted.

Words would not come out of my mouth. I have never seen anything this good. This meticulously well done. The actors, the costumes, the set.

And the writing.

The writing goes inside you. Somewhere deep. Somewhere you didn’t think anyone you knew could understand. But then, somehow, this writing understands, and it finds that place. And it moves it a little to left.

Just enough to make you different afterward.

Just enough to change you.

The effect is more amazing than air.

And other things.