The Bible tells me so.

My brother started reading the Bible. True story.

This is a miracle equivalent to feeding 5,000 people, or a $500 bank error in your favor, or finding out there’s no line on the Raging Bull AND Vertical Velocity at Great America.

Basically, I’m pretty excited about it.

It all started when we all just chilin’ at a Christian books store like a month ago, and I was like, “We should get him a Bible.” And then the clerk was all, “We have The Message New Testament on sale for $9.99.”

The Message is a really (really!) contemporary translation, which I thought he might like, so I was all “YEAH BUDDY!”. To give you an idea of how contemporary it is, regular John 3:16 is like this:

16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

In The Message, it’s like this:

“This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life.”

So ya, a little different. And I thought it would perfect for him.  But then he was all, “Nah, don’t buy it for me, I’m not going to read it.”‘

Now, I’m going to go for a second into what some people call the “crazy Christian” territory here, but I really think that was the devil trying to work against us.

And I was all, “No, just buy it for him. It’s 10 bucks. Maybe he won’t read it now, but maybe it will sit on his bookshelf for a year or two years or a decade and then one day he’ll just open it up and it’ll change his life.”

So my mom bought for him.

And when he got home, he opened it up and read almost the entire book of Matthew. And then, he took it home and kept reading. And I’m told he’s finished with the Corinthians now.

He says he’s still not sure about all this “church stuff” but he’s definitely thinking about his eternal soul now. The whole thing makes me tear up.

I keep praying that the words will touch his soul, but then I remember that you can’t read the Bible and have it NOT touch your soul.

So now I’m just praying I’ll be able to guide him through the Book of Revelation, which I’m assuming will be more challenging than just handing him the “Left Behind” book.

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Buying a car really is that awful

Bad/annoying things that happened to me while I was shopping for a car, after I totaled mine:

1. I had to run my credit about 14 times. Each day. And sales people apparently have a complete lack of typing and spelling skills. (Oakridge is one word folks!)

2. Car dealers would repeatedly make me sit at a random desk for two, or three or forty-jillion hours while they “checked with a bank.” Then, they would come back pretending I had been approved, and ask me for a bajillion dollars down. Then, I would have to say that I do not in fact have a bajillion dollars and walk out. All told, that’s about 25 hours of my life I’ll never get back.

3. Stupid salesmen tried to negotiate with me on a monthly payment amount while simultaneously refusing to say how much the freaking car actually cost.

4. Every time I went anywhere, the salesman would try to up sale me at least $1,000. Trust me dudes, I would love to give you another $1,000, but the thing is, I only have $50 in my bank account.

5. When I finally got a car, the dealer never actually finalized the financing, so I had to go back to the stupid dealership so they could tell me that the only loan they could get me was about $30 more a month, so then I had to give them back the car I had been driving for two weeks, and wait in Chicago for two hours for my mom (the hero!) to come get me. (Note to readers: Mercury Dodge on Pulaski should be shot). On the upside, I had some awesomely authentic Mexican tacos while I waited at a restaurant across the street.

6. Seriously, do you understand how bad it sucked to fight with those stupid people at MERCURY DODGE and then give them back my car?

7. AND THEN! I left my all-time favorite CD in the stupid stereo (Sara Bareilles, “Little Voice”).

Now, for some good things:

1. Carmax doesn’t totally suck! HUZZAH!! (Turns out, they really are “the way car buying should be”).

2. They just approve you for a loan, right there in the little room in like 7 minutes, and they don’t try to trick you with the price.

3. After I returned the 2006 Camry at Mercury Dodge, I ended up getting a 2008 Chrysler Sebring, with heated leather seats, a heated/cooling cup holder, automatic start and a pretty hood for $400 less at Carmax!

4. I almost spontaneously made out with the car salesman when I found out about the automatic start.

5. I have achieved two of my life-long goals: To have heated leather seats in my car, and to own a Chrysler.

sebring

And, in honor of my new new car, enjoy. (I could watch this all day long!).

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I’m officially a “racer”: My first 5k

So, the 5k race not only did not suck, it was also kind of awesome.

I ran a my very first 5k this morning, and before you even ask, that’s 3.1 miles and I finished in 42 minutes. (HOLLA!!)

My goal was to finish in less than 45 minutes, because that’s where I’ve been at in my training runs (Ya, that’s right, I use cool phrases like “training runs” now). But then, the adrenalin was totally real, and my pace was jacked because there was like 200 other runners, so I ended up finishing the first mile in 12 minutes (see: miracle). And then, by the second mile, I was at 27 min.

And then, the last mile wasn’t even that awful. Mostly, I’m guessing, because two of the other runners from my group came back to run with me across the finish line, which was seriously the most awesome thing ever. And ya, a little bit of throw up came up my throat when I finished, but holla! I FINISHED!!! IN 42 MINUTES!!!

It was seriously so fun. And one of the guys in our group said I was glowing afterward, and he wasn’t even just referring to all the sweat.

Aside from not dying, I’d say the coolest part was at the 1.5 mile mark, where the volunteers handed us cups of water and then we drank them while we ran and then we threw the cups down on the street. That’s totally something real runners do on TV!

Anyway, my goal for next time is to finish in less than 40 minutes. And ya, that’s right, I said “next time.”

Not only was it all super fun, but the people in my little church run/walk group are so awesome to hang out with, that they’re addicting even without the adrenalin.

They cheer me on, and run slow with me during training (well, I run, they sometimes speed walk next to me). And they always say “GOOD JOB!” like they really mean it.

One of the guys even told me today that I’ve gone from “jogger” to “runner” to “racer” now. He was probably just being nice, but I’m just going to go ahead and pretend like he was serious, because it made me feel really happy on the inside.

I hear there’s some sort of Thanksgiving Day race, where runners dress up as Turkeys. Sign me up, YO!

before5k

Wearing the number on my shirt, made everything very official. This was the “before.”

after5k

This was our whole little church group in the “after,” and that’s me BEAMING from the back. I think I was thinking “I LIVED!!”

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