2012 – Page 2 – The only certainty is bad grammar

Falling in love with make-up tutorials.

Published: November 10, 2012 / Updated: November 10, 2012 Crystal humor, im cool, medium, random thoughts

My favorite things to do on Saturday morning is searching YouTube for videos about “awesome eye make-up for blue eyes.”

I’ve gotten totally obsessed with make-up tutorial videos as of late.

Looking back, it was really a combination of factors that led me here. First, as with most cool things I discover, I originally heard about the whole concept of online make-up tutorials from some girls in my youth group.

Then, while wasting away hours of my life looking at Pinterest, I saw a photo of a girl with rainbow hair and discovered Kandee J.

She is awesome and fun and wonderful and my new virtual best friend and I could watch her all day long. She has taught me how to chalk my hair, contour my face, do open smokey eyes, and use dry shampoo so that now I only have to wash my hair every other day (don’t worry, I still totally shower every day. Gawd. I’m not gross. It’s called a “shower cap” people).

Then, of course, I started searching for other awesome teachers (specifically ones who have the same skin town as myself) and I found Sam Schuerman, who might be kind of copying Kandee J., but I don’t really care because I cannot get enough of these online tutorials.

Her “make your blue eyes pop” video literally changed my life.

And I cannot wait to try dying my hair pink in the same classy way she did.

Of course, none of my success would be possible if it weren’t for the best make-up company ever.

No. Seriously. Please let that sink in.

The. Best. Make. Up. Company. Ever.

EyeLipsFace (E.L.F.). You’re wondering what the heck is so great about them? Well I will tell you. They are super cheap. Like $1 for mascara, or lip gloss, or fake eyelashes cheap. They sell the brand at Target, Wal-Greens and Dollar Tree, but the real treasure is online, where they have a huge collection of dirt cheap face paint.

And when you subscribe, you get a coupon just about every hour for free shipping, or half off all lip products, or 30% off all mineral make up.

And I don’t understand how any other makeup company is still in business with these guys looming around.

Now excuse, while I search YouTube for “how to apply liquid eyeliner like a pro.”

Election Eve: I’m so proud of my little sister

Published: November 5, 2012 / Updated: November 5, 2012 Crystal go (candidate x), humor, short

My little sister Monica is pretty much the most amazing thing in the entire Continental United States.

When she plays volleyball images of the Olympics flash through your brain, when she writes a paper, you wonder how she is yet to be published and when you see her beautiful pencil-tight curls in a photo, you start to think maybe she can live out her dream of being “a dancer, a model or a singer.”

She also loves God like a rock star, can help you plan a party or a youth group event like a professional and navigates better than Google Maps.

Plus, she laughs at pretty much all my jokes.

But I have to say, I have never been more proud of her than when I found out what happened at her school’s mock election.

Apparently, she was chatting with a friend, and the two of them were holding full ballots for the presidential race as well as the local races and her friend was all, “I don’t know hot to fill this out.”

And Monica was all, “It’s easy, just mark all the ones with a “D” next to their name.”

It makes me want to cry tears of joy. Someone done raised her well.

Why I love the show Nashville and you should too.

Published: October 26, 2012 / Updated: October 26, 2012 Crystal medium, TV shows

I love Nashville (the TV show, not the city) (Not that there’s anything wrong with the city).

I know, I know. It’s a one-hour drama. On a Network station. And the cheerleader from Heroes is in it, and last you heard she was staring in Bring it On 7 or something, so this show must suck.

But it doesn’t. It’s awesome.

I accidentally saw the premiere while I was visiting my friend in Pennsylvania, and I was hooked.

And I could tell that it’s about two rival country singers, one of whom is old (Rayna James) and one of whom is young (Juliette Barnes) and that they don’t really like each other, but they both love the same guy.

And I could tell you that the older one is kind of supposed to be like Faith Hill I think, and the younger one is kind of supposed to be like Taylor Swift. And how at first I was totally thinking the one who’s kind of like Taylor was a bi-otch, but then I realized she’s just young and dumb and insecure and she means well. And how the one who’s kind of like Faith lures you into rooting for her at the beginning, but then you realize that she’s just as guilty as anyone on the show. For goodness sake SHE’S MARRIED, WHY IS SHE EVEN CHASING THE GUY?!

But the plot is not the reason I love this show.

I love this show because of the writing.

It’s real, and it’s striking, and you when you watch it, you don’t even notice it because it’s that good.

At one point, Juliette turns to the guy both she and Reyna are chasing and says, “I think something about you makes me want to grow up.”

And haven’t we all been lured into that? Imagining that if we were just a little bit older and had our lives a little bit more together, everything would be perfect. Thinking that someone older than us is so much better off.

But the it’s not even a show about one-liners, even though the previews would have you believe that. It’s so much deeper than that, and really I just want to tell that there’s a ton of original music and I love it all.

You need to hear the song, “No one will ever love you” right now. And then listen to it again. And then dream about lost-love and call your old boyfriend. The actress who plays Rayna sings it like it’s dripping slowly offer her lips the way ice cream drops linger. And the words taste sweet and breathless and desperate all at once.

“Can’t you see? I know why you’re lonely.
It’s time you knew it too.
No one will ever love you. No one will ever love you.”

http://youtu.be/g6e8plhaxAc

I never once think to myself, “Well this show has some corny moments, or it drags every now and then, or you have to get through the first episode to appreciate it, but I love it anyway.” No, I do not ever think any of those things. I just love it. Period.

And you should watch it so you can love it too. And also because I will cry if it gets cancelled.

So go watch it, right now, online at abc.com. Feel free to thank me later.