exercise – Page 11 – The only certainty is bad grammar

my saturday to-do list

Published: January 31, 2009 / Updated: February 1, 2009 Crystal exercise, humor, medium

i joined a gym today. I’m a little weary though because they’ve already lied to me. the blue sign out front CLEARLY stated that i could join for $18, but then they were all “well, yes, $18 joining fee, but also a $20 fee for so we can automatically take our monthly fee out of your account because we don’t trust you to pay us, AND $13 for the month of january. don’t worry, we’ve pro rated that for you though, because it’s the last day of the month.”

great. thanks. so where’s the stairmaster? over there. cool. here’s all my money.

now, those of you screaming that i shouldn’t have joined a gym because im broke can stop because my job offers $20 a month to be a member of a gym, so aside from all the lame fees, i pretty much get to work out free.

seeing as i how i had just paid $13 for January, I thought I’d better exercise before the month ended and all, so i got on the stairmaster and i climbed like 3,452 flights. ish. or at least that’s what it felt like. then after a quick shower, i went to my monthly torture session and got my eyebrows waxed.

after that i decided that i wanted to be able to listen to music the next time i worked out as opposed to the default ESPN they play at Cardinal Fitness, so i set out to get finally a new memory card for my pink crackberry.

holy crap are those stupid things expensive. the root of my anger is that i SHOULD get a discount on them because my mom is actually a verizon employee (hi mom!). but i had to con my way into the $12 off because the prison-guard Verizon people are super strict about taking any money off. the first two stores said “ya, no. i don’t know why your memory card broke. we can sell you a new one at full price though.” and i was like “that’s lame” so i went over to the verizon station at the local circuit city, which as it happens is going out of business, and flirted with the guy convinced the guy to just give me the stupid discount. and he did.

and i have since loaded my sara bareilles and JeDee Messina cds on to my phone. yay!

while driving around to all these places, i also called my old friend Justin. the guy and I go wayyyyyy back. like 12 years. true story. and he has a wife. and a kid. and a home. and his whole life figured out. so i started hinting that i was a little jealous about that. and he was all “umm. crystal. do you realize how much freedom you have? AND people just look like they have their life figured out. really. they don’t”

and that was nice to hear.

also, remember the post about me having no money? well a good friend sent me some money that made a huge difference and i don’t want to say his name here in case he’s weird about things like that, but i just wanted it to be on the record: thank you for being my friend.

walk this way

April 7, 2008 Crystal exercise, short, snow sucks, wisconsin

I have no friends and I can prove it — I have nobody to walk with.

Even though the weather is finally nice enough to melt ice in this stupid state, and i REALLY want to go for a walk with someone cool — I cant.

and walking alone is lame.

and running hurts my knees.

and rollar blading is HARD!

seriously.

and my bike is in Illinois.

so instead im blogging. even though i don’t really think that’s helping my calves. or my abs.

UPDATE: apparenlty I do HAVE at least one friend. maybe she’ll walk with me? huh? huh?

it seemed so cool on TV

March 18, 2008 Crystal exercise, long

Back in the day when i was 13 and just a week shy of graduating eighth grade i got in a fight with pebble. actually, my black Rollerblades with hot purple (real color, look it up) accents got in a fight with a pebble. and the pebble won. I fell down off the curb and introduced my head to the pavement. after they exchanged pleasantries, i had a concussion.

well, technicallyi didn’t black out — but there was some throwing up involved and a trip to the hospital. (true story)

after that i never felt the same way toward Rollerblades.

but since spring is in the air (and by that i mean temperatures are a degree above freezing) i thought i’d give them another chance. (EDITOR’S NOTE: the abc family movie involving a rollerblader falling in love with a figure skater had nothing to do with this decision.)

but i forgot one thing — rollerblading is freaking hard!

I’m not exactly sure who decided that roller SKATES were no longer marketable (i blame you X-games), but i couldn’t find a pair of four sturdy wheels anywhere (and by anywhere i mean target and wal-mart) so i HAD to get rollerblades. and they’re really hard to use.

i WAS thinking my new interest in yoga would give me more balance. but i still suck at yoga and i still have no balance. i tried to wear the pads i bought for my knees and elbows, but there were SO uncomfortable. so i just wore the wrist guards. im thinking my lack of ability to bend my wrists contributed to my lack of balance, but i can’t be sure.

i went down my parking lot to where i thought i’d be ok on the sidewalk. turns out the sidewalk doesn’t have a railing (i KNOW, what’s up with that?). so i kept rolling across the sidewalk and running into the trees on either side.

i made it about one block (ish). then i decided i didn’t want to die that day and turned around to head home. im proud to say i didn’t fall (at least not ALL the way to the ground).

I decided at this point to take a REGULAR walk around my neighborhood. in tennis shoes. it was fun times and much easier. until the last block. when i fell. on some ice. the size of bottle of nail polish. and hurt my arm. and it still hurts.

basically, im clumsy. with or without wheels. and i fall. a lot.

anyone interested in a ~~used~~ ~~barely used~~ like-new pair of rollerblades? size 7/8?