exercise – Page 4 – The only certainty is bad grammar

Secrets of my weight loss

Published: March 14, 2010 / Updated: March 15, 2010 Crystal exercise, long, weight loss

I need you to know that I never meant to inspire anybody.

Not even for a second.

It never crossed my mind.

I seriously did it because I didn’t want to disappoint my doctor.

I think.

Or maybe it was another reason.

Weight loss is tricky that way.

The most frequent question I get is “How did you stay motivated?”

I don’t really know. I just did. The same way I stay motivated to take a shower every morning, or clean my clothes every week, or drive to work five days in a row. I just did.

Only, everyone knows losing weight is much harder than taking a shower every day.

So for this, I had help. My doctor.

She approached me about my weight in July. She said my blood pressure was getting high and that I could stand to lose a few pounds.

Of course I could. I was 5’3″ and 198.

I could stand to lose more than ‘a few.’

Read more “Secrets of my weight loss”

Three pounds

Published: March 7, 2010 / Updated: March 7, 2010 Crystal exercise, humor, im cool, short

Me: Ya. So, I really wanted to lose 3 more pounds.

Bronson: Three pounds. Dude. You could take a Midol and lose that!

Me: Ha. Ya. I guess. I was 198 when I started. Now I’m 144. I’d like to be 141.

Bronson: Oh my God. Is that even healthy?

Me: What do you mean?

Bronson: That seems really low.

Me: Aww. That’s nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.

(p.s. I’m not anorexic. It is totally healthy).

I want you to want me like I want girl scout cookies

March 4, 2010 Crystal exercise, feminism?, humor, im cool, short

I got up at 4:30 a.m. today because I am obviously insane.

And I’ll probably do the same tomorrow.

I’m genuinely scared that the five girl scout cookies I ate this afternoon will somehow turn into 15 pounds.

Seriously. This is me. I think that. I believe that five girl scout cookies will some how mean an additional pant size.

So, I will get up at 4:30 a.m., poke in my contacts (which will kind of burn because they weren’t even out of my eyes long enough to become clean), plop into a car colder than ice (ICE!) and drive to jazzercize half-asleep, all while wearing a sports bra that I’ve worn for like three other classes this week.

I’ll smell awesome.

You kinda want me right now, don’t you?

I mean, you know I do all this, to make you want me.

And also the girl scout cookies. Actually, mostly the girl scout cookies. Because those things are awesome.