Confessions of a mission trip leader

It’s been a week since we got back from the youth mission trip to Denver, give or take a day depending on whether you count our 3 a.m. arrival as “Friday night” or if you want to get all technical and count it as “early Saturday morning.”

It’s been a week and I have just now regained my ability to stay awake without taping my eyelids open. I’m still tired, no doubt , but I can make it through a trip to the grocery store without feeling the need to fall asleep on the drive home.

Mission trips are Hades on my system. The main problem, of course, is the lack of sleep. The days start at 7 a.m. and it’s lights out at 11 p.m. Except, as a leader, that means I was up at 6 a.m. and I didn’t go to sleep until about 12:30 p.m.

We are supposed to have free time between 3 p.m. and 5 p.m. each day, but by free time, they mean shower time. And our showers were about 20 minutes away on the days we didn’t get lost, and about 30 minutes away on the days we did (three of the four). So, ya, I didn’t get a lot of free time. Actually, I didn’t end up with any free time.

Which I means I literally spent every waking minute of the week with someone calling out “Crystal, what time is breakfast?” “Crystal, what are we doing next?” “Crystal, are these shorts long enough?” “Crystal, is it free time? Can I use my cell phone?” “Crystal, the other leader said these shorts are long enough, so now are they long enough?” “Crystal, what’s our evening activity tonight?” “Crystal, do you know where my water bottle is?” “Crystal, one of your youth is wearing shorts that aren’t long enough.” “Crystal, what state are we in again?” “Crystal, why can’t I wear flip-flops on the mountain?” “Crystal, I just don’t like the taste of water.” “Crystal, you-know-who and you-know-her are making purple.” “Crystal, I have a bloody nose.” “Crystal, I have a bloody nose too.” “Crystal, what time is breakfast?”

It was a long week.

If my calculations are correct, we actually had six bloody noses in all. Four of which were inflicted on my poor sister, who will never in her life go to Denver again unless she is drug there by hit men or Satan. Her nose just doesn’t get along with the mountainous altitude.

And speaking of mountains, don’t worry, I managed to fall on  jagged rock while we were on Lookout Mountain, near where Buffalo Bill is buried. I ended up with a bruise on my butt that was literally bigger than a baseball, but I couldn’t even show anyone because leaders pulling down their underwear is usually frowned upon during trips like this.

Then, on Wednesday night, I stayed up until about 1:30 a.m. to write personal “Pony Express” notes to all 18 youth and the other 3 adults who were on the trip from my church because I hadn’t had even one minute of above mentioned free time to do it any other  day. And I was so tired when I went to bed that I almost fell asleep on the way to my air mattress.

Within seven seconds of hitting the pillow I was 75 percent asleep. And one second later I felt the stupid mouse.  (Insert screech.)

I maintain that the mouse was actually inside the the air mattress because I felt it jumping in there, and I KNOW WHAT I FELT. But everyone I try to explain that to seems to think I’m crazy, so whatever.

Except my mom. Because she was sleeping right next to me on the same air mattress, and felt it too. No, for real. She did.

Irregardless, I clearly had no choice but to go upstairs into an off-limits room and sleep on the random couch. Clearly.

Thankfully, I was out of that room at 6:55 a.m. the next morning, because I just missed the 25 women who came in at 7 a.m. to hold Bible study. Phew. I owe you one God.

The thing is though, no matter the mouse, or the jagged rocks or the bloody noses, or the lack of sleep or the week-long recovery process, the whole trip is amazing.

No. Amazing is too week. The trip was an incredible-awesome-tastic-wonderful journey that deeply changed all of us.

Yes, we served others — my crew sorted through donations at a thrift store, served a nursing home where 95 percent of the patients had some form of dimension, and painted a two-story house, while other crews from my church worked at a food bank, helped at the Boys and Girls Club, sorted cabinet doors (don’t ask), put on puppet shows for urban ministries and pulled weeds — but the serving is just a part of the story.

We also bonded while jamming to MC Hammer Pandora radio on the 16-hour drive there; learned to live without our cell phones; realized that one or two days without blow drying our hair wasn’t the end of the world; saw each other with bed head and hugged anyway; prayed over every meal, and every meeting and every day; lived a whole week with any air conditioning; dove into deep theological discussions at 10:30 p.m. when we were so tired that some of the youth were literally falling asleep while we spoke; shared our deepest wounds, our deepest fears and deepest secrets and then saw the wounds start the heal, saw the chance to conquer our fears and realized that some of our secrets aren’t so bad after all.

We loved, we felt the Holy spirit, we saw each other in a new light, and we saw ourselves in a different way.

I booked this trip in October — I remember because we got the “October special” on the deposit rate — and I have been praying for it every single day since then. I incessantly asked others to pray for it, I begged youth to sign up, I begged parents to let them, I asked for donations, I asked for more donations, I begged for donations, I begged for more youth to sign up and then I prayed some more.

And on Thursday morning (our last full day on the trip), there was a moment that made it all worth it. One of the many throughout the week.

Near the end of the morning devotional time, one of the youth came up to me, with tears in his eyes, and said simply, “Thank you” and then gave me a hug.

And I knew, that this trip had left a mark on him. And I wouldn’t trade that in for any amount of sleep in the world.

Thank you so much to everyone who prayed for us, thank you so much to everyone who donated and thank you God for letting me be a part of it.

  • Share/Bookmark

Mad Men, golf and Instagram.

When I woke up this morning at 5 a.m., the first thing I did was hit my alarm clock. Four times.

At 5:40 a.m., when I was finally up and peeing, I made a goal — do not read anything at all about last night’s season finale of Mad Men.

I failed before lunch.

Actually, if you count the Ghirardelli Sea Salt Soiree I at my desk first thing this morning as breakfast, then I think I technically failed during breakfast.

Sigh.

The show is amazing though and I’m fully confident that I will still have immense pleasure from watching it OnDemand tonight, even though I know that (spoiler alert) Don will run into Peggy at a theater.

I would have watched it live, but a. I only pay for basic cable, so I can’t watch AMC live, only OnDemand and b. I was too exhausted from my trying to beat my pastor (who has a master’s degree in the bible or God or something) at Bible Trivia and then trying to hit get my golf club to connect to golf balls at the driving range by my church during our first Youth Summer Sunday Night Golf Outing.

Considering my pastor is well, a pastor, I think my bible trivia team held its own. If only I had remember that  Bathsheba was Solomon’s mom. Oh well. Next time I guess.

As for the golf stuff, one of the youth gave me a tip to line up my left foot with the golf while using the driver, and I have to admit, it totally upped my club-to-ball connection stats by like 44% and I’m pretty proud of myself for knowing what a driver is.

The golf outings are extremely awesome. What happens is, we have a regular youth group time at the church on Sunday nights like we do all year, and then anyone who wants to hops in our cars and we go over the driving range and try to see who can hit golf balls the furthest.

It’s a great draw to get kids to come to youth group during the summer months, and best of all it’s cheap. A large basket of golf balls is like $17, but the guy at the course knows us so sometimes he’ll only charge $12.50.

As with all life events these days, I took plenty of Instagram pictures at the driving range last night to document all the fun we were having.

Instagram is awesome by the way because I can now make all my cell phone pictures look like they were taken under professional lighting. I do worry about the day someone comes up with Writeagram though, and everyone starts thinking their writing can be fixed with an app and a word filter. I’m sure that would be just as annoying as I am to all the “real” photographers out there when I use the x-pro filter. But I don’t care right this second, because like I said, my photos are BEAUTIFUL now!

Behold:

Our awesome youth-helper-out and one of the youth.

And this one, of our pastor with a master’s in God, and two youth.

And this one, where we see what I would look like without bangs.

And this one, which I caught on accident, of a youth trying to kill our youth-helper-out dude. Fun times.

And, what the heck, here’s one more for the road of me in my all-time favorite sunglasses. I’m posting it so that one day, I can look back on this and think, “Man, with the right bronzer, a pair of dangling earrings and purple sunglasses, I was totally decent looking at 28 years old.”

Also, I’m slated to go to Colombia a week from today for work. As in the country that Google Maps tells me is at the top of South America, and NOT some place in Missouri. I’ve been told that if I’m kidnapped, they’ll probably use my passport photo for the news stories about the “American reporter captured by drug cartel” stories. Instead though, can you tell them to use this one? I did the double french braids myself! Thanks!

  • Share/Bookmark

Every smart Christian woman’s dilemma with the bible, women and gays

Here’s the thing, I’ve been through hell and back with God. A few times. Seriously. Hell. Then back. Then Hell again. Then back again.

So, I can tell you without any doubt in my mind that the dude is real.

I know that for some people, that might sound like a weak line of thinking for deciding whether or not to believe in an almighty creator. But if that’s the case for you, then you either haven’t been to hell, or you haven’t gotten back yet. I have. And getting back from that awful place is horrible. So when God grabs your wrist and physically yanks you out, well, it’s life changing.

It’s so life changing that I do my best every day of the week and twice on Sundays to tell other people about this God dude who saved me from the abyss. Specifically speaking, I’m a youth leader.

More specifically speaking, I’m a God-related craft creator, mission trip planner, pizza/paint/markers/poster board buyer, Bible studier, fund-raise organizer, raw tears cleaner upper, hard-question explainer, youth room janitor, church-leader-meeting attender, go-to-pray-er, sermon giver, parent re-assurer, candy bringer, and teacher who humbly hopes to help just one teenager avoid hell altogether, and prays every day she’ll have the chance to help bring at least one other back from the fire.

It’s not easy. It’s not “Christian light.” And I wouldn’t couldn’t do it without a strong faith in God.

Except. Well. Dude. Some of this Christian stuff is really hard to figure out.

The stress in my stomach started about a couple weeks ago, while I was reading 1 Timothy, Chapter 2 (Page 1875 in my Bible for those following along at home).

“I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.”

All right. “Dress modestly” is pretty vague, and the ban on braids seems pretty silly, but I can’t afford any gold or pearls anyway, so I can sort of, kind of, maybe follow this part. But then. Well, it continues.

“A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent. For Adam was formed first, then Eve. And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner. But women will be saved through childbearing — if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety.”

I had heard those words before. But as a relatively intelligent woman, I had just decided to ignore the fact that they were in my holy book.

Except. Well, there they are. Page 1875.

To sum up: As a woman, I should shut up and listen to the men. Also, God literally forbids me from trying to teach said men anything.  Oh, and let’s bring up all that crap about Eve and the stupid apple, because obviously, if she could be tricked by a snake, then every woman ever could be as well. And, seeing as how I don’t have kids, well, I’m pretty much screwed. Er, not literally, otherwise, I suppose I would have kids.

But ya. So. What the hell?

Why is that in the Bible?

Yes, some try to say that the verse were culturally specific to the Ephesian women of the time, known for being floosies and whatnot. However, in my holy book, it does not start, “An Ephesian woman.”

It just says “A woman.”

So, for me, at least, that’s not enough.

A lot of scholars has attributed this book of the New Testament to Paul. Before he was “Paul” he was a Christian killer named “Saul.” After a crazy conversion experience, he changed his ways though, and we’re told he went about the world preaching the Good News.

From what I can tell he’s a pretty decent guy. I mean, sure, he’s got really high standards for Christians (See: Galatians 2:11-14, where Paul yells at Peter) (Yes, THE Peter), but in his other letters* he doesn’t seem to have anything against women as a whole. So how could he have possibly written this?

*Yes, there is a little blurb in I Corinthians about women being silent in church, but some believe it was inserted into the letter after Paul wrote it by one of the scribes who was charged with copying it down and passing it on.

Well, the newest research has raised objections to whether or not our man Paul actually wrote this section of 1 Timothy. The style and the word choice seem to be just different enough that it could have been someone else writing the letter using Paul’s name for credibility. It was likely one of Paul’s students though, so it’s not like it was super shady. Think of it like the Baby Sitter’s Club Books, which haven’t actually been written by Ann M. Martin for years.

Ok. So maybe Paul didn’t write this bullsh*t. Maybe it was someone else. And we can all go on our merry little way respecting women.

Except, well. It’s still in there. Right on page 1875.

And I don’t do “Christian light.” I do “Christian, whatever it takes because I have seen hell and I do not want to go back.”

So, does that mean I need to follow these teachings about women? I honestly don’t know.

I really don’t.

I can tell you that I personally believe I’ve been called to my current church, where I am not only childless, I also teach men on a regular basis, braid hair, and have authority over at least the teen-age men.

I’ve heard some very smart Christian women try to get to a place where they can submit to this teaching. They’ll say things like,

“Well, God created men and women different. And it’s an act of faith on our part to submit to a man.”

Or “Men are created to have authority over us, and when we allow them that, things just go more smoothly.”

I’m sorry, but that is total bullsh’*t.

It seems a lot more likely that verses like this were written and continue to be taught because if it’s suddenly all right for women to teach and talk and stuff, and it turns out that they don’t suck at any of those things, then all the men in the world would suddenly have a lot more competition for their power.

And I have read the Gospels, and poured over Jesus’ life story with a studious heart and a yearning soul, and I never got the impression that he was opposed to women being smart. In fact, I dare say the man was a feminist in his time — all protecting an adulterous woman from death by stoning, walking around with women in his posse, and even appearing to a group of women first after the resurrection and then telling them to be the opposite of quite about the whole thing.

Never once did he say anything close to “Women should shut up and listen to the men in this world and for crying out loud, stop braiding their stupid hair.”

And don’t you think, that if he was super worried about getting that point across, he was would have mentioned it to John or Matthew or someone to take a note when he preached it?

But even with that line of thinking, this passage in 1 Timothy still bothers me. When I read it, I feel like I’m being punched in the gut, and tears fill my eyes, because I know it does not align with what I feel I have been called to do at my church — but at the same time, I know I cannot ignore a teaching in my holy book.

The bottom line is, I don’t agree with it, I don’t like it, I don’t understand it, and I don’t know if I ever will.

But I can tell you one thing, even if every other Christian on this entire planet tried to tell me we needed a national law forbidding women from braiding their hair, wearing pearls and teaching men, lest God’s perfect intentions for the ways of the world be doomed, I wouldn’t fight for that law. I wouldn’t fund raise to pass it, I wouldn’t vote for it holding my head high as a Christian and I most definitely would not feel I was accomplishing Christ’s work by doing such things.

Which brings me to homosexuals.

I don’t agree with those parts of the Bible either. I don’t like them, I don’t understand them, and I don’t know if I ever will.

God forgive me if I’m wrong.

  • Share/Bookmark