long – Page 23 – The only certainty is bad grammar

i stress myself out. (and other people add to it)

June 30, 2008 Crystal im cool, long

hot d*mn it’s been a long week. sorry I’ve been away.

first things first, i got a new job. (!!!!!!!) here.

I start July 15. and im pretty d*mn excited about it.

(wish we luck.)

as a result of this news, i had to kinda quit my other job.

that didn’t go so well — let’s just say they were super, umm, “sad” to see me go.

(for details on that seriously CRAZY story, feel free to get in touch with me one-on-one).

and now i have to figure out where i’m going to live in chicagoland.

im thinking of mooching off crashing withpaying rent to my bff. but her house is like an hour from my new job, so I’m not quit sure yet.

and of course, there’s always the possibility of living my mom. (hi mom!). but she’s also an hour from my new job.

also, i had to break my lease. (never fun). (anyone looking for a reasonably priced two-bedroom in Oshkosh? there’s a fireplace. and a washer and dryer.)

also, i stressed myself out so bad while deciding whether or not to take the new job that i didn’t get any sleep last week and ended up getting super sick. with a fever and everything. as a result saturday was given over to the nyquil gods.

also, last night, while i was trying to eat some ricecream (like ice cream but for vegans) i somehow slammed my hand between the freezer door and the fridge door.

that sucked. and now my pinky hurts.

also, my south dakota plates expire, umm, tomorrow. but im supa broke so i can’t afford new ones, and even if i could the local dmv is closed today, so ive convinced myself that my car probably will be towed from my apartment complex parking lot the minute the clock strikes 12:01a .m.

and then i won’t have enough money to get my car out until July 11, and then they will charge me by the day and my life will totally suck.

(just another rational crystal fear).

also, i need an oil change and possibly new spark plugs.

also, my new job is doing a background check on me and im irrationally worried that i committed a crime im unaware of.

also, im running out of time on my ‘daily computer seesion’ clock at the library. so i have to get offline soon.

and now you’re ALL caught up on my crazy life.

I’ll blog again as soon as i can, but until then, check my twitter for clever one-linters that i can convinently update from my cell phone.

i wish i lived in a city … and had $3x

May 31, 2008 Crystal im cool, long

go see this moive. right now.

drop whatever you are doing and go see ‘sex and the city’ right this second.

because it is THE best movie ever made.

ev.a.

i love it. i love it. i love it. i love it. i love it. i love it. i love it.

and just to get this out of the way: if you’re thinking ‘crystal, who did you go see it with?’ the answer is me. myself. i went to see it alone. because i’m an independent woman.

and i hate when people next to me talk when they should be listening to classic theme music.

and also, my really close friend in wisconsin claims she is movie-narcoleptic. (as in every movie makes her fall asleep. every time. i know. lame)

i don’t want to ruin even one second of this seriously amazing movie for you, so you can click the ‘more’ link if you want to know what i think. but beware of the spoilers.

if you haven’t seen “broadcast news” then the following review is totally timely

May 19, 2008 Crystal journalism, long, movie review

editor’s note: the following is a follow-up to my previous post, found below or by clicking here.

to be fair “broadcast news” has some pretty great lines. I stole the following off imdb’s site here. even though you could just click that link and read them or you could just watch them in context by renting the movie from the “favorites” section at “family video,” i decided that im SO important that i should choose my favorites for your viewing pleasure. i will make them more valuable than “cut and paste” because i will add witty analysis after each one:

Aaron Altman: I know you care about him. I’ve never seen you like this about anyone, so please don’t take it wrong when I tell you that I believe that Tom, while a very nice guy, is the Devil.
Jane Craig: This isn’t friendship.
Aaron Altman: What do you think the Devil is going to look like if he’s around? Nobody is going to be taken in if he has a long, red, pointy tail. No. I’m semi-serious here. He will look attractive and he will be nice and helpful and he will get a job where he influences a great God-fearing nation and he will never do an evil thing… he will just bit by little bit lower standards where they are important. Just coax along flash over substance… Just a tiny bit. And he will talk about all of us really being salesmen. And he’ll get all the great women.

I kind of think some people in my life are the devil in disguise. also, famous people like George Bush kind of remind me of the devil in this sense. and btw, God, in case im totally off base about Bush on this, im going to go ahead and ask for precautionary forgiveness.

AND:

Blair Litton: Oh, you think anyone who’s proud of the work we do is an ass-kisser.
Aaron Altman: No, I think anyone who puckers up their lips and presses it against their bosses buttocks and then *smooches* is an ass-kisser.
Blair Litton: My gosh… and for a while there I was attracted to you.
Aaron Altman: Well, wait a minute, that changes everything!

i like to pretend that one of my co-workers is aaron in this situation and one of my other co-workers is blair.

AND:

Paul Moore: It must be nice to always believe you know better, to always think you’re the smartest person in the room.
Jane Craig: No. It’s awful.

i feel like jane feels here. all. the. time. — not because i have a big ego, just because im always right and i think most authority figures are always wrong. (not all, just most.)

AND: