long – Page 26 – The only certainty is bad grammar

i still heart johnny depp (like you didn’t already know that)

May 10, 2008 Crystal Johnny Depp, long

Well, in case you guys were getting worried that I was getting over my crush on johnny depp — im here to set the record straight. I still love him.

You might be thinking to yourself ‘self, she can’t actually be in LOVE with him. she hardly knows him!’

but I’m here to tell you that I have seen six of his movies over the past three weeks and I’m pretty certian that he and I are soul mates.

Well, no, he doesn’t know yet.

But.

soul mates have a way of finding each other. (duh)

and i have faith in that whole process, so I’ll probably get to marry him one day. (you can come to wedding, but I’m warning you now, it’s going to be all vegan food).

In case you TOO were thinking of watching a bunch of Johnny Depp movies (because he’s AWESOME) I thought I’d offer some of my thoughts on the ones I’ve recently seen (note: all thoughts basically are just about Johnny Depp and have little to do with the movies themselves.) I’m not going to link to all the titles, because that’s just annoying. If you want more information on any of the movies just search the freaking title here.

ED WOOD: Funny. and Johnny Depp is in 99.8 percent of the scenes so that’s way cool. He doesn’t look particularly hot in this one and he talks in an old-timey hollywood accent, and he wears women’s clothing in a few scenes, but i DO love him — so i watched the whole thing. Also, the movie actually is super funny, if you’re in that sort of thing.

i still heart johnny depp (like you didn’t already know that)

May 10, 2008 Crystal Johnny Depp, long

Well, in case you guys were getting worried that I was getting over my crush on johnny depp — im here to set the record straight. I still love him.

You might be thinking to yourself ‘self, she can’t actually be in LOVE with him. she hardly knows him!’

but I’m here to tell you that I have seen six of his movies over the past three weeks and I’m pretty certian that he and I are soul mates.

Well, no, he doesn’t know yet.

But.

soul mates have a way of finding each other. (duh)

and i have faith in that whole process, so I’ll probably get to marry him one day. (you can come to wedding, but I’m warning you now, it’s going to be all vegan food).

how to fix the world: in 10 easy steps

May 5, 2008 Crystal im cool, long

so in the spirit of being mad at Life, i’ve decided to write a list of all the things i plan to change when i rule the world:

(in no particular order) I WILL:

1.so change THIS:

Ledbetter worked for almost 20 years as a supervisor in an Alabama tire plant. During that time, she was paid far less than her male colleagues—a fact she was blissfully unaware of until someone slipped her a note showing the discrepancy. Stunned, she took the company to court, where a jury awarded her over $3 million in damages. She hasn’t seen a penny. Why? Because the Supreme Court decided, on appeal, that Ledbetter had missed the 180-day statute of limitations on making her complaint—and that the clock started ticking the day she was hired.

Got that? So if you don’t make a formal complaint of discriminatory pay within six months of the time your pay was decided, you don’t have a case.

Umm, wtf?? that makes me so mad. and as a young professional woman, im here to tell you that sexism is still quite alive and well in america’s workplace. Today is actually the six-month (180-day) anniverisary of when i started my current job. I haven’t sued the company, but that’s due mostly to the fact that we are told not to discuss our pay, so i have NO IDEA if my male colleagues are making tons more than I am for doing the same job.

no. freaking. idea.

2. eliminate the current health insurance system in the United States. Heck, since I’m ruling the WHOLE WORLD, I’ll just change everything. I’ll make is so people NEVER have to deal with an insurance company again. FREE MEDICINE FOR EVERYONE (paid for by number 3 on the list).

3. eliminate all military. saves lives AND money. enough said.

4. make it the law that EVERY restaurant (including McDonald’s) had to offer at least TWO vegan options. If someone owns a restaurant and doesn’t follow this law, i will require them to become vegan. ha.

5. make college free for everyone. everywhere. seriously. and i would back-instate this law so that anyone with college loans would not have to pay them off. (this also would be paid for by number 3).

6. live next door to Johnny Depp. (hey, I have to get at least ONE super cool thing out of this.) It’s not like i would force him to like marry me or anything. i just want the comfort of knowing that if i say, just happen, to need a cup of sugar, i could casually walk over to his house and borrow it.