Confessions of a mission trip leader

It’s been a week since we got back from the youth mission trip to Denver, give or take a day depending on whether you count our 3 a.m. arrival as “Friday night” or if you want to get all technical and count it as “early Saturday morning.”

It’s been a week and I have just now regained my ability to stay awake without taping my eyelids open. I’m still tired, no doubt , but I can make it through a trip to the grocery store without feeling the need to fall asleep on the drive home.

Mission trips are Hades on my system. The main problem, of course, is the lack of sleep. The days start at 7 a.m. and it’s lights out at 11 p.m. Except, as a leader, that means I was up at 6 a.m. and I didn’t go to sleep until about 12:30 p.m.

We are supposed to have free time between 3 p.m. and 5 p.m. each day, but by free time, they mean shower time. And our showers were about 20 minutes away on the days we didn’t get lost, and about 30 minutes away on the days we did (three of the four). So, ya, I didn’t get a lot of free time. Actually, I didn’t end up with any free time.

Which I means I literally spent every waking minute of the week with someone calling out “Crystal, what time is breakfast?” “Crystal, what are we doing next?” “Crystal, are these shorts long enough?” “Crystal, is it free time? Can I use my cell phone?” “Crystal, the other leader said these shorts are long enough, so now are they long enough?” “Crystal, what’s our evening activity tonight?” “Crystal, do you know where my water bottle is?” “Crystal, one of your youth is wearing shorts that aren’t long enough.” “Crystal, what state are we in again?” “Crystal, why can’t I wear flip-flops on the mountain?” “Crystal, I just don’t like the taste of water.” “Crystal, you-know-who and you-know-her are making purple.” “Crystal, I have a bloody nose.” “Crystal, I have a bloody nose too.” “Crystal, what time is breakfast?”

It was a long week.

If my calculations are correct, we actually had six bloody noses in all. Four of which were inflicted on my poor sister, who will never in her life go to Denver again unless she is drug there by hit men or Satan. Her nose just doesn’t get along with the mountainous altitude.

And speaking of mountains, don’t worry, I managed to fall on  jagged rock while we were on Lookout Mountain, near where Buffalo Bill is buried. I ended up with a bruise on my butt that was literally bigger than a baseball, but I couldn’t even show anyone because leaders pulling down their underwear is usually frowned upon during trips like this.

Then, on Wednesday night, I stayed up until about 1:30 a.m. to write personal “Pony Express” notes to all 18 youth and the other 3 adults who were on the trip from my church because I hadn’t had even one minute of above mentioned free time to do it any other  day. And I was so tired when I went to bed that I almost fell asleep on the way to my air mattress.

Within seven seconds of hitting the pillow I was 75 percent asleep. And one second later I felt the stupid mouse.  (Insert screech.)

I maintain that the mouse was actually inside the the air mattress because I felt it jumping in there, and I KNOW WHAT I FELT. But everyone I try to explain that to seems to think I’m crazy, so whatever.

Except my mom. Because she was sleeping right next to me on the same air mattress, and felt it too. No, for real. She did.

Irregardless, I clearly had no choice but to go upstairs into an off-limits room and sleep on the random couch. Clearly.

Thankfully, I was out of that room at 6:55 a.m. the next morning, because I just missed the 25 women who came in at 7 a.m. to hold Bible study. Phew. I owe you one God.

The thing is though, no matter the mouse, or the jagged rocks or the bloody noses, or the lack of sleep or the week-long recovery process, the whole trip is amazing.

No. Amazing is too week. The trip was an incredible-awesome-tastic-wonderful journey that deeply changed all of us.

Yes, we served others — my crew sorted through donations at a thrift store, served a nursing home where 95 percent of the patients had some form of dimension, and painted a two-story house, while other crews from my church worked at a food bank, helped at the Boys and Girls Club, sorted cabinet doors (don’t ask), put on puppet shows for urban ministries and pulled weeds — but the serving is just a part of the story.

We also bonded while jamming to MC Hammer Pandora radio on the 16-hour drive there; learned to live without our cell phones; realized that one or two days without blow drying our hair wasn’t the end of the world; saw each other with bed head and hugged anyway; prayed over every meal, and every meeting and every day; lived a whole week with any air conditioning; dove into deep theological discussions at 10:30 p.m. when we were so tired that some of the youth were literally falling asleep while we spoke; shared our deepest wounds, our deepest fears and deepest secrets and then saw the wounds start the heal, saw the chance to conquer our fears and realized that some of our secrets aren’t so bad after all.

We loved, we felt the Holy spirit, we saw each other in a new light, and we saw ourselves in a different way.

I booked this trip in October — I remember because we got the “October special” on the deposit rate — and I have been praying for it every single day since then. I incessantly asked others to pray for it, I begged youth to sign up, I begged parents to let them, I asked for donations, I asked for more donations, I begged for donations, I begged for more youth to sign up and then I prayed some more.

And on Thursday morning (our last full day on the trip), there was a moment that made it all worth it. One of the many throughout the week.

Near the end of the morning devotional time, one of the youth came up to me, with tears in his eyes, and said simply, “Thank you” and then gave me a hug.

And I knew, that this trip had left a mark on him. And I wouldn’t trade that in for any amount of sleep in the world.

Thank you so much to everyone who prayed for us, thank you so much to everyone who donated and thank you God for letting me be a part of it.

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The tired person’s lunch-break rant

So, I was up until 2 a.m. last night putting final touches on the gift baskets that will be auctioned off tonight at the youth group fundraiser.

I’m really excited about the fundraiser, (Shameless plug: Mission trip fundraiser 6-9 p.m. at bd’s Mongolian Grill in Bolingbrook tonight will feature myself, my awesome pastor and the our wonderful youth helper-outer grilling for tips. And, also, of course, the silent auction baskets. Please come!)

There are nine baskets and I put 8 of them together with help from my little sister and a wonderful student in our youth group. I did not ask for donations or help from adults because I’m on the brink time-management wise and I seriously did not have one ounce of one minutes to go around asking people for things only to be rejected by a solid 65% of them. So I made the infamous rookie leader mistake and took control of the task myself.

I know. I’m dumb.

So now, I’m at work (on lunch) and really tired.  Because, even with the help from my little sister and a wonderful youth student, there were still hours worth of work that had to be done last night before the event. You don’t think making bid sheets, little name cards along with corresponding envelopes for the baskets, and figuring out what to do with the last 11 items that don’t match at all will be hard or time consuming until you spend four hours on it.

The thing is, I promise you I did not have four hours to spend on it until 10 p.m. last night.

I can feel myself being overcome with exhaustion because I’m starting to get mad in my head at inanimate objects. I feel the urge to yell at the top of my lungs at my cell phone when it doesn’t load DrawSomething right, and to scream at my car when the doors don’t unlock the split second I press the key chain button, and to throw a complete tantrum when my towel gets stuck as I try to pull it off the towel holder after my shower.

Really, the problem is that I also was up until 2 a.m. Saturday night trying to get my youth group lessons finished. I got stuck because my DVD conversion program was randomly converting an MP4 file I needed upside down and backward and the whole internet world did not seem to contain the cause for such craziness, much less a solution.

So I was up half the night messing computer programs that people with my skill set probably shouldn’t even be downloading on to their computer for fear of viruses, all in an attempt to show a 5 minutes and 39 second sand-art video of the Resurrection story.

I finally got the thing to play correctly on a DVD at 7:30 a.m., after I woke at 6 a.m., prayed a bunch and worked at it again. Take that Satan.

You’ll probably all, “Crystal, um maybe you should have started working on the youth lesson sooner so you wouldn’t have these problems.”

But again, I promise you with all my heart that I did not have time before Saturday night to finalize the lesson plans.  You’ll have to take my word for it regarding the weekdays, but to illustrate the craziness that was my Saturday, here’s what my scheduled looked like:

8 a.m.: Got my taxes done. Yay because I got them prepared for free at my best friend’s job, which offers tax prep services. But boo because I own the federal government $467 dollars because having two jobs effs up your withholdings.

9 a.m.: Skype conference call for a Christian board I serve on. I had hoped to participate using my new web cam, but A. I did not get done with my tax appointment on time, so I had to take the call on my cell and then try to focus on the meeting without making too much noise with my turn signal and B. Even when I did get to my house and switch over to my computer, I realized that group video chat is different than normal video chat and you have to pay for it, so I still couldn’t use my webcam.

11:30 a.m.: Doctor’s appointment in Joliet.

Post doctor’s appointment until 5 p.m.: Finish buying all the random things I needed for the aforementioned silent auction baskets.

5:30 p.m.: Leave for a (really awesome and fun!!!) event at my church.

9:30 p.m.: Finally sit down to finish my youth group lessons.

And, just like making silent auction baskets, putting final touches on lesson plans is the kind of task you don’t think should take very long, and then you look up and you’ve spent seven hours doing it.

I will tell you that putting in the extra effort on the youth lesson was totally worth it, and that the group is doing so amazing right now and that lately there’s been a lot of fruit (in the Biblical sense) and that the kids seem to really be understanding things in new ways and by extension, I’m learning to understand things in new ways and it’s so wonderful that I truly can’t understand why the whole world isn’t a youth leader.

And I will also tell you that fundraising for mission trips is more than worth it because mission trips are little pockets of time where you and everyone with you is somehow able to physically touch the holy spirit and nothing is more amazing.

But I will also tell you that I’m giving the sermon at church this weekend (approx prep time needed: 40 hours total) and that I have to plan a night lesson for next Sunday night and that our youth group is changing rooms and has to be out by next week and so I have to somehow find time before Sunday to take care of that and that, really, I’m just extremely tired.

And when I close my eyes to pray over my lunch, I will mostly likely fall asleep for 10 seconds.

I just hope Heaven is the kind of place where no matter what you do, you always feel like you’ve had a full night’s sleep.

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Life advice – 55 small things to live by.

Life advice:

1. Start each day with a prayer. To someone. Somewhere. I personally prefer God. It will help you realize the world is bigger than you.

2. Be thankful for at least three things each day. Most likely you have a warm place to sleep, enough food to get you through the day and at least one good hour of prime time television you can watch in color each night. Start with those if you can’t think of anything.

3. When Ce Lo Green’s “F*CK You!” comes on the radio, turn it up really loud and sing along like nobody’s watching. Yes, the original version includes a pretty harsh swear word. But it’s all right, because sometimes break-ups are pretty harsh on your heart.

4. See how you look with liquid black eyeliner at least once.

5. If you’re going to straighten your hair, use a Chi. All the other straighteners suck. If you’re broke, buy it at Marshall’s, where they usually have them half off suggested retail price.

6. When possible, only take carry-on bags when you fly. And, don’t forget that you’ll have to take off your shoes when you go through airport security, so you probably don’t want to wear those tie-up boots that end at your knee.

7. Invest in people. Martin Luther King Jr., and Jesus both tell us we can all be great because we can all serve. It’s true. When you give part of yourself unselfishly to someone else’s needs, you will be shocked at the rewards that come your way. Shocked.

8. Have a fun ring-back tone on your cell phone. It will put people in good mood when they call, and there’s no telling when that will come in handy.

9. Wear a perfume instead of body spray. It smells more sincere.

10. Save your work. If you’re on a computer, create a back-up file. If it’s paper you prefer, keep it somewhere safe.

11. Buy a car charger for your cell phone.

12. If need to text someone, check an email or take a nap,  then don’t drive at the same time.

13. Leave lots of room between you and the car in front of you when you’re in traffic.

14. When the toilet paper runs out, replace it.

15. Don’t take is personally — it’s usually not personal. People will hate you, gossip about you and demean you. Those people are broken. But remember, so are you. So, instead of getting offended, love them.

16. If you get a manicure, pay for the gel manicure. It will last about four times as long.

17. If you’re ever at O’Hare international airport, and you need to take a cab to the suburbs, make sure you get a suburban cab. City cabs will charge you $100 to go to Aurora.

18. Spend at least one week of your life lying on a beach somewhere.

19. Spend at least one week of your life working harder then you’ve ever worked in your life in service to someone else.

20. Ask for help.

21. Go to college. It’s expensive, and you might end up with massive amounts of student debt, but you will learn to understand the world in a different way, and that’s more valuable than you know.

22. Read. A lot. Read the magazines at the dentist, read the Bible in the hotel nightstand, read your friends’ twitter feeds, read the fliers in the bathroom, read everything by David Sedaris, read “The road not taken”, read your favorite book twice, and read you dad’s favorite book at least once.

23. Don’t date someone who’s already married. It will not work out.

24. Remember, “a lot” is two words. And “you’re” = you are, while “your” means it’s yours.

25. Remember the phrase, “Never Eat Soggy Waffles.” It will help you find your way. North. East. South. West.

26. Don’t do drugs. People, good people, really do die from them.

27. On Valentine’s Day, send everyone you love — from your pastor to your dad to your boyfriend —  a text that says, “Happy Valentine’s Day! I hope your day is filled with lots of love and chocolates.” And then, on Facebook, tell people you will tell them things you love about them if they ‘like’ your status, and then do it in a sincere way.

28. Send people birthday cards. Make sure you tell at least three reasons you love them.

29. Be OK with being single.

30.  Take a deep breath every time you seen a sunset.

31. Learn to type.

32. Wear flats when you know you’re going to be standing up for more than three hours straight.

33. Stop eating when you’re full.

34. If you ever have a really sharp pain in your chest, go to the emergency room. If it’s not a heart attack, have them check your gall bladder with an ultra sound.

35. If you ever start hyperventilating, and your hands and feet go numb, breathe into your hand to readjust your oxygen level.

36. If you’re sick, stay home.

37. Sit on the front seat of a roller coaster at least once.

38. Pick up your dirty socks and put them in the hamper.

39. If you have braces and the orthodontist tells you to wear rubber bands, just do it.

40. Take Advil when you get menstrual cramps. Tylenol will not work.

41. Learn to french braid.

42. If your contact lens feels like it’s scratching your eye, take it out.

42b. Also, don’t sleep in your contacts.

43. Learn to make at least one thing you love to eat and then bring that one thing to pot lucks.

44. Give at least $1 to the homeless guy on the sidewalk, even if especially if someone is pulling you away and telling you not to.

45. Drink water instead whenever possible.

46. When you love someone, love them completely.

47. Run a 5K at least once. I promise the training will suck, but I also promise that you’ll be able to do it and that crossing the finish line will be amazing.

48. Don’t dye your own hair blonde. Brown, red, black and purple are fine. But for blonde, go to a professional.

49.  When someone offers you a salary for a new job, ask for more money once and then take whatever they offer next.

50. Return phone calls.

51. Watch Back the Future, The Princess Bride, Field of Dreams, and Indian Jones.

52. Always tip 20%. Serving others is hard work, so show those who do it appreciation.

53. Listen.

54. Smile.

55. Don’t be afraid to fail.

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