So back in the day when I was working on my graduate degree I met this boy. And I feel in love with him. and everything was going along just dandy for about one week.
Then, on an unassuming Wednesday night, this boy and I had plans to go see some band and he totally blew me off. As in, I called his phone and he didn’t answer. so i sent him a txt, to which he didn’t reply. So, because this boy and I lived in the same apartment complex I even went upstairs to knock on his door. and I think (If I remember right) he sounded like he was home but he didn’t answer his door.
So, being the smart, confident girl that I am, I completely broke things off with this boy. or at least i wish i had.
Instead, this boy and I continued to date for months and every time we were together it was SO good. and every time he acted like an idiot, it was SO bad.
Eventually, I moved my butt to South Dakota
to get over him for a job. and it pretty much worked out. The job was super fun. and ya, this boy and talked on the phone every now and then, but I pretty much moved on. I would say I 100 98 percent moved on.
Now, a few months later I find myself in Oshkosh, Wisconsin (home of a very famous clothing company) and this boy calls me up. Just like that. My phone rings and his name pops up and it’s like nothing bad had ever happened between this boy and me. And I find out that he had moved to Hawaii — something he had always talked about, but now had actually done. (I’m not going to lie, the most amazing part of talking to him on the phone while i was here in Oshkosh and he was an ocean away was that we were magically having a real-time conversation.)
So this boy tells me he’s going to be back in the continential United States soon and maybe he and I could see each other. And because I’m smart and confident I politely refuse. After all this is the boy that acted like an idiot SO many times to me. or at least i wish i had refused.
Instead, I spent the next few days trying to rearrange my friking life to fit this boy back in it — even if it is for just a day or two. And because in all areas of my life besides relationships I think I really am smart and confident, I manage to rearrange my life enough to go see him. And I call him to tell him how excited I am to see him and to figure out which day would work best and to talk about what we’re going to do and to tell him to have a safe plane ride and….
i get his voicemail. and he never calls me back. and i’m sure if I do find my way down to his hometown when he’s back on the main land, we’ll bump into each other. But I’m also sure he’s not going to be calling me back any time soon.
And I ask myself, ‘self, why can’t you ever REALLY be smart and confident in relationships?’
well, at least now I’ve got a goal.