The first night I met Donell I made out with him in a closet. (I was a classy 16-year-old like that). So, it’s somehow poetic that first perfect anything we spent together ended without so much as a kiss on the cheek.
I like to tell people that I went to prom with Donell because I feel like it makes things more legit. I mean, we really did go to my senior prom together, and it seems like normal people stay in touch with their old prom dates, right?
Sure, prom was awful. I’m sorry Donell, if you’re reading this and you remember it differently. But for me, the highlights included you ignoring me, my dress ripping and an exhausting night of me trying to figure out how to fix things.
Actually, I wouldn’t really be surprised if Donell didn’t even remember going to prom with me. He’s lived a lot of life since then. He’s gotten his crap together, I think.
He lives in Louisiana now, and works a really important job, where as far I can tell he’s found financial security, something both of us lacked growing up. He’s found God, and priorities and maturity.
He’s in town this week, and so we spent yesterday afternoon together. Strolling around downtown Naperville, looking through bookstores, and eating deep dish pizzas. Then, he drove me home in his little black convertible while the perfect amount of wind filled the air and Christian rock played on the radio. I’ll give the boy one thing, he knows the way to my heart.
And really, it was a perfect and lovely afternoon. He didn’t ignore me, none of my clothes ripped, and instead of feeling exhausted afterward, I was refreshed.
I kind of fell for him again. You know?
And when he was leaving, I was hoping to head into a closet somewhere, but all he did was give me a hug good-bye. A real hug. The kind of hug that shows you’re really friends with someone. The kind of hug that lasts five minutes. The kind of hug that’s worth more than a thousand cheap kisses in any closet anywhere.
And it was perfect.
Woah. So. It’s 11 p.m. already and I’m just now sitting down to dinner with my roommate and her boyfriend.
And I have to wake up at 6 a.m. tomorrow.
This is my life now.
I do not understand people who are bored. Who are these people and why aren’t they helping me do my laundry?
Ya. Whatever. It’s been like two weeks since I did my laundry and I had to wear my leopard skirt to work today, which I’ve had since I was 16. True story. And depending on which top I pair with the skirt, it can go either professional or hooker.
I did get about 50 compliments on it though, so maybe I should put it back into the regular rotation.
Moving on, I had a fantastical day!!
My editor said she was pleased as punch for me and the happiness that rained down. True story.
Isn’t that the awesome? Pleased as punch. It’s got the greatest ring to it.
I’m totally bringing that phrase back into the regular rotation. I’m going to be all, “What? You’re getting married? Well, I’m just pleased as punch for you!” And, “Did you say you got those shoes for 75 percent off?? Well, honey, I’m just pleased as punch for you!!”
Go ahead, test me by telling me some good news. Just wait. Also, if you could grab that laundry basket, that’d be awesome. Thanks.
Also, you should know that my roommate and her boyfriend made the awesomest veggie spaghetti!! It had soy meat, and sauce and there was salad and garlic bread and a pre-meal prayer. And her boy calls it family time when we all hang out.
I’m thinking it’s something that could land in our regular rotation.
I bounced my tithe check.
There. I said it. It’s out there. I’m a horrible human being.
I can’t even clear a check to God.
What is WRONG with me?
To make a short story long, it all started when my car decided to puke all over my life and then fart in my face, and so I had to give a mechanic $450. This was all right though because I had $551 in my bank account — $50 of that was for my tithe check, and the other $51 was to live on.
I was flying high have myself a Big and Rich time with all my spare change, but then, I got stupid. I decided to use some of my $51 to put gas in the loner car I had from the mechanic and to eat.
And then, after a series of events involving a hose, steering fluid, and a lack of parts in the warehouse, my mechanic said he was going to be done with my car on Tuesday, but then he couldn’t finish till Wednesday.
And, he tried to be nice and give me a rental car, which he assured me would not cost me a thing. Except the rental car place made me give them a $50 deposit (the amount of my tithe check). They told me it would be put into my account as fast as it was taken out, and seeing as how they took it out in like 3 seconds, I went with it.
So then, of course it took like 2.5 days for the $50 to go back into my account and in that 2.5 days my tithe check went through. Of course.
And I thought for about four minutes that the bank was going to be nice and pay it and just charge me $32 for the mishap. But no, no. My credit isn’t good enough to earn services like that. So instead, the bank just sent the check back to the church and decided that for its trouble it should charge me $32 anyway.
And now, I have to explain to my pastor at the church where I work that I really am a decent human being and I don’t suck at life and that I will now be giving all of my future donations in cash.
On the upside, I’m pretty sure one of the Bible’s big themes is forgiveness.