The only certainty is bad grammar

editor’s note: I’m not going to specify who I’m supporting (if you’ve ever met me, you know) just in case I have to cover an event where this person is. seeing as how im the paper’s public affairs reporter and all.  

About three years ago, i picked out who i wanted to be for president — and then i prayed every night that this person WOULD run, and because me and God are tight, my plan totally worked.  

After he/she announced they’d be running, I immediately got on the candidate’s e-mail list. And yes, i was living in Iowa at the time so for a few months he/she was only e-mailing me because he/she thought i might caucus for him/her. and maybe i failed to tell this person that I had kind of moved to a state that no longer mattered in the primaries, but i thought (based on his/her long emails that started with “Dear Friend”) that he/she and i had formed a real bond, so such details shouldn’t matter. Then, after the Iowa caucus the candidate kept sending me e-mails. That’s when I knew for sure he/she and I had something that was real — or at least i thought we did.  

But lately, the tone of the e-mails has changed. and for some reason, at the bottom of every one of them is a button labeled ‘donate.’ Which I can’t do, a: because i have no money and b: because I don’t want my name to appear on moneyline. And I really want to explain that to him/her but below the donate button, there’s a sentance explaining that I shouldn’t try to reply to the address — which seems weird for a “friend” to say.

I haven’t like given up on him/her yet, but the whole relationship does seem to be taking a turn for the worse. I’m sure that when he/she gets elected though, all this will stop. I mean he/she only needs some money to get him/her through the next primary, and after that everything will be fine… right? right.

editor’s note: I’m not going to specify who I’m supporting (if you’ve ever met me, you know) just in case I have to cover an event where this person is. seeing as how im the paper’s public affairs reporter and all.  

About three years ago, i picked out who i wanted to be for president — and then i prayed every night that this person WOULD run, and because me and God are tight, my plan totally worked.  

After he/she announced they’d be running, I immediately got on the candidate’s e-mail list. And yes, i was living in Iowa at the time so for a few months he/she was only e-mailing me because he/she thought i might caucus for him/her. and maybe i failed to tell this person that I had kind of moved to a state that no longer mattered in the primaries, but i thought (based on his/her long emails that started with “Dear Friend”) that he/she and i had formed a real bond, so such details shouldn’t matter. Then, after the Iowa caucus the candidate kept sending me e-mails. That’s when I knew for sure he/she and I had something that was real — or at least i thought we did.  

But lately, the tone of the e-mails has changed. and for some reason, at the bottom of every one of them is a button labeled ‘donate.’ Which I can’t do, a: because i have no money and b: because I don’t want my name to appear on moneyline. And I really want to explain that to him/her but below the donate button, there’s a sentance explaining that I shouldn’t try to reply to the address — which seems weird for a “friend” to say.

I haven’t like given up on him/her yet, but the whole relationship does seem to be taking a turn for the worse. I’m sure that when he/she gets elected though, all this will stop. I mean he/she only needs some money to get him/her through the next primary, and after that everything will be fine… right? right.

So when i came over from south dakota for my job interview back in October it was 80 degrees in oshkosh. that’s right, in OCTOBER here, IT WAS 80 DEGREES. i said, “where do i sign up for this job?” and i packed up my stuff and moved to Wisconsin immediately.

And as soon as I did the temperature dropped 100 degrees. that’s right. IT WAS NEGATIVE 20. ok, maybe it only got down to negative 10, but it really was negative 17 with the wind chill. cross my heart. and i was starting to look at jobs in places that actually have a reputation for being warm. i.e. hotlanta, GA. etc. that way the newspaper couldn’t just fool me with warm weather during my interview.

but then…

today, it was like 40 degrees!!!! and because I’m used to it being negative 10, 40 actually felt like 87. and i put on my bathing suit and went to work and it was so awesome and i was thinking “maybe i CAN live here.” then, five minutes later a winter storm warning was posted online. seriously. FIVE MINUTES LATER.

so, if any of you know anyone who could hook me up with a job in hotlanta, just click on the contact section of my blog and follow the simple instructions. …… (note to current employer, i’m not actually seeking a new job.)