kind of like a public stoning, but for my eyebrows

they look at LEAST as cool as angelina jolie's in Wanted
they look at LEAST as cool as angelina jolie's in Wanted

I have a confession to make.

If left unattended, i kind of have a uni-brow.


but that’s not even the worst part.

the worst part is that nobody had the sense to shake the denial out of me about this until i was 18.


People, it’s no wonder I had trouble dating in high school.


anyway, thanks to an overly aggressive college roommate combined with some constant nagging from my bff, i finally got the things waxed in late 2001.

ever since then I’ve been on the hunt for THE perfect eyebrow waxer.

not an easy task for someone who moves every six months and refuses to pay anything over $13 for inflicted pain.

BUT THEN! my bff (who’s always one step ahead of the beauty trends) told me about threading.

and i’ll go ahead and lede with the fact that my eyebrows DO look pretty amazing. (see above).

however, there’s SO, SO, SO much more to that story than the lede.

for example, there’s some MA-JOR pain associated with the whole process.

With waxing someone puts hot wax on your eyes and then RRRRIIIIIPPPPS! it off (don’t get me wrong, that hurts like a bi-otch.) but everything’s over in less than a second and with some deep breathing, it’s almost not noticeable.

However, with threading, someone uses two small threads to repeatedly (that’s right, REPEATEDLY!) pull chunks (yes CHUNKS!) of eyebrow hair out — which takes about 10 minutes.

per eye.

now THAT is pain.

just so you can visualize how this went down, i want you to understand that i got this done in the mall.

at a kiosk.

near the food court.

and strangers apparently came over to watch.

and it hurt so bad that i had to push the lady away while she was doing it because i thought i was going to throw up.

my friend even told me that THIS is how the military gets confessions. screw waterboarding.

when i finally got to look in the purple handheld mirrorat the kiosk, i did smile.

it was, after all, in the name of beauty. and i AM trying to find a husband. (kiiiddding.)

you see, threading results in a more perfect eyebrow than waxing, because the umm, “threader” can arch the eyebrows more meticulously. although, im not sure why. my eyes were kind of closed during the whole process. 

the result for my face was near perfection. (although some said the brows were a little on the thin side).

bottom line: would i do it again sober? no. would i do this again with a pre-threading glass of wine? duh.

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