first of all we need to talk about that one guy.

tis a boy i had completely blocked out of my pretty little head i tell you. but alas, today i was hanging out with some folk from the old Hanover Park neighborhood and they kindly refreshed my memory.

see, what happened was,  this boy. and i used to make out and stuff in high school and he always want to do… well, you know.

but i didn’t do that.

(no. really).

and so one day i wrote him letter explaining that it was never going to happen.

except i was weird, so i went about including all sorts of statistics explaining why doing um, you know, as a teenager was a really, really stupid idea.

logic and reason i tell you.

feel free to sum up the high school experience of Crystal Lindell based on that story alone.

moving on, i hung out with a bunch of two year olds today.

it was birthday party for my friend justin’s child. and at first i was like, woah. im a loser. i have no potential of having a kid any time soon, at all. and it’s hard to be the crazy single person at a party full of happy families. and i feel like they’re all thinking “what is wrong with her? why isn’t she dating anyone?”

and i knew that i stuck out like an evergreen tree in the winter because i was able to talk about all the latest movies, something those with two year olds cannot do under any circumstances because taking 90 minutes to see a movie is as hard for them as finding a date is for me.

but then a few hours in, there was this crazy onslaught of poopy diapers. and all the parents were talking about how they have to wake up at 7 a.m. every day. and a couple of the moms were pregnant and one was saying that everything makes her gag while another was explaining labor to me.

and i was like, ya. im good for now.

it was kind of a surreal situation though because most of the fathers were guys i had spent craploads of time with in high school. and now, here they were REPRODUCING and being PARENTS! and when the heck did that happen?!

and really, who the heck am i kidding? i’d totally have a kid right now if i could just meet a non-loser who maybe didn’t cheat on me. i’ve heard men like that are out there, but as far as i can tell, none of them happen to be single at the moment.

in the meantime, i’ll continue to live vicariously through mommy bloggers, like dooce and erin i guess.