Posts Tagged ‘god’

relatively small problems

my aunt and uncle sent me some money in the mail today, which obviously proves God exists.

let me sum up how broke i am — I’ve been telling people I had $12 to last until Friday, Feb. 13 because I figured if i told people that i only had $2.33 – which is what i DID have – even MORE people would tell me to leave journalism. and i do not need ANY more people to tell me that im on a sinking ship. and i guess part of it was my own fault, because you know, i like to pay my rent, my car payment and eat, so i suppose i did “blow” my money on those things.

irregardless, i was pretty worried about having just $2.33, seeing as how there was a mighty good chance i would need to drive to work and back for the next five days and what not, and gas isn’t free. my plan was to live on generic Cheetos and the rest of the chocolate chip cookies i bought that tasted like cardboard with fake chocolate chips in them and tap water for the next six days and hope that a 1/2 tank of gas would last the week. and after a good cry in my car and then another in my bedroom closet i pulled myself together and proceeded to fake that i had everything under control with a strong sigh.

i had kind of figured id be in this position seeing as how the bills are the most reliable things in my life, but that didn’t stop me from writing another $5 check to God last week at church. and i was semi-considering writing a $1 check tomorrow, but was worried that having a bank account balance of $1.33 was a little on the risky side. after i spent my saturday morning weighing the pros and cons of this, i decided i was STARVING enough to each another generic Cheeto, and went downstairs to the kitchen. on the way, i looked through the mail so i could see all my lovely medical bills.

and there it was.

in all it’s golden-envelope glory. the letter from my aunt and uncle was just sitting there on the dining room table, like it wasn’t the MOST amazing thing to happen to me in the last five months. and inside was enough cash to get me through my week. the sight of it sucked my breath right out of my lungs and out the window. and my eyes teared up because i was so moved, and relieved, and grateful to my aunt and uncle, and happy, and it felt like God had come down through my ceiling and pulled 18 pounds off my shoulders.

and sometimes i do doubt that God will have the time to deal with my relatively small problems. alas, he did though. he came through. and i was so happy.

i remember another time i knew god existed. it was when my friend april was arrested on the side of highway somewhere in the middle of the 7,692 cornfields that make up southern Illinois. she had unknowingly been driving without a license because a few months prior she was driving some teen-age boy’s car and got pulled over and the teen-age boy didn’t have insurance. and even though a judge told her everything was cleared up, due to a clerical error her license was suspended after the incident. only nobody told her, so here she was driving all over southern illinois illegally for months.

and she had almost been pulled over a few weeks before that amongst those same cornfields because she was going like 20 miles per hour over the limit on her way to a very important place. but, just before she would have sped past the cop hidden around a corner, someone pulled in front of her and slowed her down to legal speeds. thereby avoiding the time it would have taken for her to be arrested.

see, we were on our way to my brother’s house because he had threatened to kill himself that night. and neither of us had much experience with suicide, but we were pretty freaked out and decided this was one of those times it was better to be safe than to risk death and whatnot.

and when we got there, my brother had already taken WAY more boxes of cold medicine than any stores should even carry, much less allow one person to walk out with. ( in the stores’ defense, i believe my brother stole the medicine. but STILL). and so, shortly after we got there and saw my brother’s eyes glazed over, we realized he was not so much alert as he was slowly fading away. and we called 911 so medical professionals could save his life — which they did. thank. GOD.

and i really do believe that if that cop had pulled her over on the way there, we would have been late for the only thing in my entire life that i have actually needed to be on time for.

and i also really do believe that God was the reason she didn’t get pulled over. and maybe it was even Him in that car in front of us that slowed us down, so that april wouldn’t be arrested and instead we could get to my brother on time. because even though i sometimes doubt that God has time to deal with my relatively small problems, he always comes through. and that makes me so happy.

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Because when I pray – he answers.

Because when I confess – he forgives.

Because when I give – he takes care of me.

Because when I worry – he calms.

Because when I need – he provides.

Because I couldn’t imagine life without him – and I don’t have to imagine death with him.

Although my faith is a fundamental part of my life, I don’t talk about it enough on this site. I do believe in God. and I try to live my life as a constant conversation with Jesus.

I like knowing that God is on my side, because life is hard.

I saw this video tonight at church and it gave me chills. It’s my understanding that the voice in the background is Billy Graham.  I’m posting it here, and if anyone out there ever has any questions at all about God, or Jesus, or Church, don’t hesitate to ask. All you have to do is say “hey crystal, I saw that God thing on your site. what’s up with that?” or “hey crystal, why do you always try to get Sunday’s off work? What do you do all day?” or even “hey crystal, what are your thoughts on the Bible?”

And, if you’re wondering, I do in fact try to pray for all my blog readers every night before I go to sleep.

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i say a little prayer.

pretty much every night i say a prayer. it usually starts with the normal pleasantries. “hey there God. what’s the good word? oh. ya. duh. you’re Bible thingy. any-who, just wanted to say a prayer…”

after the hello’s (me to him, not him to me (I’m not crazy)) I pray for everyone I can think of. (my immediate family, my extended family, my friends, my enemies, the two dogs in my life and my boss.), I try to think of something I’m thankful for (awesome living arrangement, not getting fired that day, my crackberry, that it didn’t snow that day…).

and then I pray for me.

it usually goes something like this: ‘and seriously God, I really, really want to fall in love,”

is that weird? is it strange that I pray for that kind of thing? that i pray that I’ll find someone I can have children with? and be married to forever?

i pray for it because the concept so alludes me that i feel the only one who’s got ANY control over any of it is God. don’t misunderstand, im not throwing myself at any guy that breathes. im not desperate. im not sitting here waiting for someone to want marry me. I’m not even worried about the fact that so many people assume something must be wrong with me if i’m single.

i just want love. plain. simple. love.

and normally, i’m all, “God knows what he’s doing. God will answer my prayer. Ask and ye shall receive….”

but I’m feeling a little bitter lately because, well, i thought that I had found the answer to my prayers a few weeks ago. i had met THE most amazing guy at a party. and i started to believe in love at first sight. and the only way to describe the moment was as “an answer from God, to me.”

but alas, that’s not the case.

and I KNOW God is all about the working in mysterious ways stuff. but im starting to get a little frustrated. and i HATE when people say, “if it’s meant to be, it’ll be.” because that’s lame. I don’t want to not have kids because God doesn’t want me to for some “MYSTERIOUS” reason. i happen to think i’d be a pretty darn, tootin, good mom. (and for that matter good wife).

so i just wanted to vent to you guys about all this, because it’s not like I can shoot a passive aggressive e-mail to the Almighty. i just have to suck it up and say another prayer.

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