i say a little prayer.

pretty much every night i say a prayer. it usually starts with the normal pleasantries. “hey there God. what’s the good word? oh. ya. duh. you’re Bible thingy. any-who, just wanted to say a prayer…”

after the hello’s (me to him, not him to me (I’m not crazy)) I pray for everyone I can think of. (my immediate family, my extended family, my friends, my enemies, the two dogs in my life and my boss.), I try to think of something I’m thankful for (awesome living arrangement, not getting fired that day, my crackberry, that it didn’t snow that day…).

and then I pray for me.

it usually goes something like this: ‘and seriously God, I really, really want to fall in love,”

is that weird? is it strange that I pray for that kind of thing? that i pray that I’ll find someone I can have children with? and be married to forever?

i pray for it because the concept so alludes me that i feel the only one who’s got ANY control over any of it is God. don’t misunderstand, im not throwing myself at any guy that breathes. im not desperate. im not sitting here waiting for someone to want marry me. I’m not even worried about the fact that so many people assume something must be wrong with me if i’m single.

i just want love. plain. simple. love.

and normally, i’m all, “God knows what he’s doing. God will answer my prayer. Ask and ye shall receive….”

but I’m feeling a little bitter lately because, well, i thought that I had found the answer to my prayers a few weeks ago. i had met THE most amazing guy at a party. and i started to believe in love at first sight. and the only way to describe the moment was as “an answer from God, to me.”

but alas, that’s not the case.

and I KNOW God is all about the working in mysterious ways stuff. but im starting to get a little frustrated. and i HATE when people say, “if it’s meant to be, it’ll be.” because that’s lame. I don’t want to not have kids because God doesn’t want me to for some “MYSTERIOUS” reason. i happen to think i’d be a pretty darn, tootin, good mom. (and for that matter good wife).

so i just wanted to vent to you guys about all this, because it’s not like I can shoot a passive aggressive e-mail to the Almighty. i just have to suck it up and say another prayer.

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  1. I know of 2 very sucessful married couples who met via dating services. One couple about your age and another older couple. I also know of someone who met two husbands through the personal want ads. Unfortunately the first husband died very unexpectantly, therefore, the second atempt. Both marriages appeared to be very sucessful. So, don’t give up. Of course, prayers can’t hurt either. I hope I’m on your list because you are on mine.

  2. CrystalSue, your time will come. You can hate me for that if you want BUT don’t. When you’re in one of your moments where you can’t understand why you’re single, just think of this: There are people who look up to you (ME!) for being good at that. I’ve hardly ever been single in my whole life, which means I settled for being with a lot of not-good-enough men just to have someone. You’re a strong chick, which is why when the time is right, the RIGHT one will be thrown at you. Until then, the man upstairs knows you can handle being single. Hang in there.

    (I miss you).

  3. Well, yes, but I think all prayers are crazy. 😉 I think your time is coming. I firmly believe people can’t truly be in love or loved by someone else until they are happy and firmly in control of themselves and their lives. Seems you are there these days, its only a matter of time now. Think about all the turmoil and moving and such you have gone through in the past. I don’t think any relationship would have survived that. I speak from experience. You made those sacrifices for the career you love. You’ve paid your dues and it will come back around. You are there now, and it will hit when you least expect it, most likely with whom you least expect.

  4. I realize you posted this forever ago, but just to throw two cents in:
    • You’re NOT crazy by any means. Or if you are, that means I’m crazy, too, because I pray for my husband almost daily. And I’m not married. Or engaged. Or actually even close (because of course it’s more fun and less stressful when it’s complicated, yay!).

    • Also, I have learned that in the love realm, as with pretty much all of life, God likes to surprise us. He knows what we need and what we hope for in a mate. Even more than we do, I’m sure.

    • I thought I had hit the jackpot, too … and now, six months later, as we go up and down and up and down, I’ll be honest there are times I’ve been driving and literally yelled at God, “I thought this was what you had for me! I was set! For life! Sometimes I still do. What gives?” And ya know, I think he actually likes having us just be straight with him when it comes to the fighting being bitter and staving off the loneliness.

    Anyway … no churchy answer here. Just hopefully some encouragement — I feel ya. But I’ve never known God to not come through. 🙂

    • The loneliness sucks. But it makes the fulfillment that much better when it comes. I’m convinced. 🙂

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