Future self.

On a cold, snowy, craptastic day like today two years ago (ish) I wrote a letter to myself.

Wed., Jan. 2, 2008.

All pre-blog and brown hair and 50 extra pounds ago.

I told EmailCapsules.com (which either does not exist any more, or has turned into this) to e-mail it to me in three two years.

I just got it today, but I’m willing to overlook the four-days-late thing seeing as how I only paid zero dollars for the service and wouldn’t have even know it was late except that they told me when I sent it, and really, I guess there’s a chance I told them to send it in two years and four days.

I’ve edited out one sentence, which was about, umm, this one, umm, thing, because, um, well somethings are pri-vate. Gawd. But here it is in all it’s spelling mistakes and grammar errors glory. (UPDATE: Also, I actually said 2007 where I meant 2008 in the original. I was confused. It was a new year. I have changed it here though so I don’t look totally stupid).


Well 2008 is starting out well. Can’t wait to see what it brings. I started 2006 in Iowa and then moved to south dakota, but i really do plan to stay in oshkosh for 18 months to two years.

… Also, if you are looking for a job, remember to look somewhere warm. Although you may think it’s not a big deal — you hate cold weather.

If you are thinking of selling out — either with work or with a guy you only kind of like — don’t do it. You’re better than that. Have faith not only in God, but also in yourself.

Also, if you have enough money to have bought a christmas tree you are doing very well — remember you didn’t have one for two year back in 2006 and 2007. Oh, and tell April I said hi — I really hope you are still friends with her.

love, past self

So, ya, I only stayed in Oshkosh for 8 months. And, I still live in a land where it snows everyday.

But, I totally had a Christmas tree this year.

I’m glad I (past self) think I (future/current self) am worth more than whatever it is I could be settling for. It’s good to read that.

I’m also glad I still have faith in God, and most days, myself.

And yes, I’m still friends with April.

Speaking of April, she recently made this thing called a vision board at her church, where you cut things out from magazines that represent what you’d like to have or be in the future. That way you can pray about it and stuff.

I liked the idea so much, that last week we made them in my youth group, and I tied it in to the New Year. (I’m clever).

Only a handful of high school girls showed up, and the project turned out to be A. a hit (I think) and B. a great excuse for us to talk about that one girl in that old seventeen magazine issue who dated a guy who was really a girl.

The sole boy, an (awesome) college guy who helps me, was, um, a little less excited, but willing to give it a go.

Mine is obviously on alarmingly pink poster board. Obviously.


Starting with the top center, there’s a picture of a computer with my blog card pasted on the screen under a sign reading “Web site launch of the year” – a goal I didn’t even know I had Jan. 2,2008.

To the right, that’s a picture of a church because I want to explore that section of my talents as much as I can. The quote reads “One girl really can change the world.” I’m one girl.

Underneath that  is a stack of books, which were incredibly hard to find among our stack of make-up magazines. The nail polish and the butterflies were mostly just pretty. I want to be pretty.

On the top, well, that’s a picture of Hawaii because I want to go there or live there or live somewhere like it . If you look close, you’ll see a mini-Johnny Depp. I can’t have a vision board without Johnny Depp.

The large quote in the center is my favorite part.

“I have to believe in fairy tales. I have to believe in love.”

(If I told you Taylor Swift said that, would it be any less blissful?)

The whole thing is a little shout-out to my future self. A little nudge to the hope that three years from now I’ll be living somewhere south of Kentucky, changing the world one blog post and prayer at a time.

I’d like that.

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hanging out with the past

my friend donell is in town.

I’m just going to go ahead and carelessly throw his name into this post because I don’t believe him when he says he reads my blog.

he and i go way back to that one party in high school where i wore the red heels. oh. and prom. we went to my prom together. mostly we just fought the whole time, but that was because we were two stupid teenagers. plus, he totally started it.

Anywho, he’s in town from Texas. or maybe Louisiana. I’m not exactly sure where he lives these days. somewhere down south.

We keep in touch via Facebook pokes and birthday texts enough though that I wanted to at least see him while he visited the land of lincoln. you know, to make sure he was still as cute in person as his profile picture led me to believe.

I knew the whole thing would be supa surreal, but that didn’t stop it from being SUPA SURREAL.

I like to think I’m 10 years older than i was when i was 16, what with the calendar telling me so and whatnot. but when i hang out with him it’s like im a little girl hoping he’ll hug me good-bye. I lose all ability to interpret secret boy code or come off as any sort of charming.

the whole thing was made even stranger because our other friend Jason also joined the group. (again, throwing his name out there because im pretty sure he was just being polite when he took my blog card).

i went to homecoming with Jason. we didn’t fight the whole time, but i do remember yelling at him while we sat at an intersection. or, wait.  maybe that was a different day. no. no. it was homecoming. i remember wearing the blue and black dress while i scolded him by name.

anyway, both of these guys were  just the very coolest in my teenage eyes.

i dreamed of the day when i’d be able to dance with jason without bumping my head on his (yes. that happened). or when donell would deem me worthy of official “girlfriend” status (that never ended up happening).

but as i hung out with these guys and all their friends Thursday night i realized that it wasn’t a matter of cool versus uncool, it was a matter of different.

i had to hang out with them growing up because my world didn’t extend beyond a five-mile radius of my house. but i’ve gotten older since then. i’ve gotten a car, an education, and a VZNavigator.

i found my way to people like me. people who care about the potential impact of social media on our lives. people who read newspapers and watch the West Wing on DVD. people who don’t get high every freaking day.

well, donell’s at least ON facebook i guess, but i’d bet my blackberry that Jason doesn’t even know what a status update is.

they care about the latest local bands, the pros and cons of Miller Lite or Old Sytle and umm, ya. i think that’s pretty much it.

just because i don’t, doesn’t mean im not cool though.

one of the first things i did when i exchanged pleasantries with Jason was offer my blog card. (it’s a habit i have). and as i handed it to him, he asked why i’d never been to one of his band’s shows.

that’s when i figured it all out.

umm, jason, i haven’t gone to any of your shows because i HATE the type of music you play and only went while 16 because i had a mad crush on you. why in gutair’s name would i put myself through that for any other reason?

now, none of that is a slam on jason’s music. it’s just a reflection of reality.

all of us are different.

and the only reason we ever tolerated each other in the first place was that we couldn’t see anything more than 5 miles away.

thank God for google maps.

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