a fit of creativity/ starbucks sucks and tricks people

so you know that image you all have in your heads about writers getting fits of creativity while sipping a mocha at a Starbucks? Well get rid of it. Because it is all just one big crap propaganda campaign.

That’s right! Starbucks doesn’t have free internet. I know. SHOCKING.

See what happened was, I lugged my little laptop to the local chain coffee store this afternoon (as I clearly said i would do on my twitter), ordered a raspberry mocha and a slice of lemon cake and was all, “you guys have free internet here right?” thinking, that’s such a silly question. of course starbucks, the coffee shop of all coffee shops, has free internet.

but no. it was NOT a stupid question. and the lady at the stupid counter totally tricked me by being all “umm, i’ll explain in a second. right. after. i. run. your. card. though. :: pause. :: there. ok. ya. we are a T-Mobile hot spot, or you can pay for a day pass.”

and i was all “im sorry. a T-Mobile what? what is this T-mobile. i know of no people who use them for their cell phone accounts, so surely you must be talking some secret language.”

and she was all “Huh? umm. ya. you have to have a T-Mobile account to sign on. or you could use a starbucks gift card for two free hours, or you could pay for a day pass.”

“how much is a day pass?”

random guy making coffee next to tricky lady: “it’s like $10. it’s not a fun time”

I’m not making that up. the man actually said “it’s not a fun time” in regards to paying $10 for something. don’t worry. i have made a mental note to use the phrase more to describe crappy situations. i.e. “I’ve given up taco bell for lent. it’s not a fun time.” or “i have to get an oil change. it’s not a fun time.” i foresee many uses.

anyway, the same man then explains to me that i can put money on a starbucks gift card, register it online, pay for coffee with it and then get on the internet.

umm. dude. first of all, I CANNOT GET ONLINE! THAT IS THE D*MN PROBLEM BUDDY!!! HAVE YOU NOT BEEN PAYING ATTENTION? HOW THE HECK AM I SUPPOSED TO REGISTER THE CARD?! and second of all I ALREADY PAID FOR COFFEE. IDIOT.

sigh.

so they tell me i can walk down to the local diner and get online free there.

except that when i get there the waitress is all “hmm. i do not know anything about computers. and i do not know the password for our restaurant’s wifi, so i cannot help you get online.”

again. not making this up. it is 2009. and a women told me she does not know anything about computers. in 2009! sigh.

i ask if there is anyone, in the WHOLE restaurant, who might know the password. she says no. and that right there, my friends, is how that diner lost my business.

so i lug my stupid laptop and my stupid starbucks coffee to my car and head over the local library. which is of course, where i currently am.

using the internet. the internet that runs slower than the sludge that is day-old coffee. the internet that i can perfectly well steal from my neighbors at home. but no. i wanted to go to the stupid local starbucks and have a fit of creativity.

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Comments (5)

  1. The Beast Girl

    Okay, I MUST comment. Here’s what you do … buy a $5 gift card and use it right then for your raspberry mocha and lemon cake. Then you open up your browser on your laptop. It will connect you to an AT & T page. There should be instructions (or someone behind the counter to ask) on how to register your card and login. They are tricky, not gonna lie.

    THEN, no matter your interweb needs, when in need of a wireless cafe, always go back to Starbucks. I know. Seems absurd. But wait. Keep going and going for hours, days, months and years but DO NOT MAKE A PURCHASE. Stick it to the man and his free paid T-What wifi.

    Seems like a lot just to stick it to ‘em but it is sooo worth the revenge!

    Reply
  2. SCVegan

    If it’s any consolation I thought this posting was brilliant. Also, I think The Beast Girl may be a genius.

    Reply
  3. Derek

    May I also recommend visiting Panera, instead of Starbucks? They actually have a much more comprehensive menu, plus coffee that’s approximately as good, but the Wi-Fi there is totally free! When I used to be a laptop-workin’ guy, I used to do a lot of stuff at the Panera on Adlai Stevenson Drive.

    Reply
  4. Amber

    That’s the Panera I worked at while in Springfield! ha. But yes, ALL Paneras have Wifi. You can even steal it from the parking lot if need be.

    But I had a similar experience with Starbucks (my bf calls it Fivebucks) about six months ago. Same surge of creativity and relaxation wanted. But no luck. It’s weird because two years ago I got on the internet at Starbucks all over the place, so they must have changed their policy and started charging recently.

    Reply
  5. SCVegan

    Those people on Brazen Careerist really are BRAZEN, or perhaps just insolent; I have not decided yet.

    Reply

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