If you need me, I’ll be at Lifetime.

I joined Lifetime. And by that, I do NOT  mean “The TV network that runs Will and Grace episodes and awesomely corny movies 24 hours a day” but rather, “The really expensive 24-hour gym by my house.”

Dudes, I’m more addicted to this place than my car is to gas.

The first rule of Lifetime is that when you go there, and you have to text someone that you’re there, you always say you’re at “Lifetime” instead of “the gym” because “Lifetime” makes it very clear that you are either a. cooler than them if they don’t go there, or b. as cool as they are if they go there.

The second rule of Lifetime is that even though it is 24 hours, all the aforementioned cool people go there at the exact same time. 5:15 p.m.  It usually takes me about 12 minutes of driving around to find an empty spot. Not a close spot. Just an empty one. It’s totally worth it though.

The third rule of Lifetime is that it’s awesome.

Wait, that’s not a rule.

Whatever. It’s awesome.

They have a hot tub, and a lap pool and a steam room with menthol steam, and all the white towels your heart could ever desire, and so I’ve started using all of those things.


(Can a youth director say the word “religiously” like that, all out of context?)

(Eh, only like three people from church read my blog and I don’t think they’ll mind).

(Hi Rachel! Hi Ralph! Hi Karen!)

Anyway, so ya, I’ve gotten pretty good at the whole swimming thing. I feel like I need to spend most of my time in the pool, because for $60 a month, using just the elliptical would be a huge ripoff.

(Yes, dues are $60 a month).

(Because they are, and because they have a hot tub and a lap pool and a steam room with menthol steam and all the white towels your heart could ever desire).

Right now I would like to brag about the fact that I can swim 20 laps.

Laps as in “there and back” is one. So that’s 40 lengths.

And I wasn’t even very tired when I did that today.

Also, one of the kids in the youth group is like a dolphin or Michael Phelps or something (Hi Chris!), so he explained to me how to do the flip at the end of each length, so I can just swim continuously. The other day, while wearing my goggles, ear plugs and nose plug, my roommate watched me do the flip and she said it looked mostly right, so if you were worried I looked dumb while swimming, you’re wrong. I just look super cool.

My goal is to get up to 32 laps, which would be a mile. I’m pretty sure I can do that, because as they say at this magical place “I can do it all in My LIFETIME.”

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Tripped up

I’m pretty sure I could gain an easy 50 to 98 pounds working at the candy magazine.

My first day, I gained like six.

Dudes, literally like a couple hours in, my new boss called me into his office and I was worried for half a minute that my first column sucked or something, but all he wanted to do was give me four packages of free candy to try. And it was delicious.

Too delicious.

My plan right now is to give up soda so that I can balance things out, but that didn’t work so well today because I ended up having that very same free candy for breakfast, and then I had a Coke with dinner.

I also was planning to join a gym today, but it actually ended up being a really good thing I didn’t because as I was running (yes, literally running because I was COLD) into Target to buy bows and wrapping paper I tripped on nothing and sprained my ankle like a mofo.

I was trying to just walk it off because you know, a girl’s gotta shop, but then I sat on the display futon and took off my boot and I realized that my ankle was the size of a tennis ball. I cried a little on the inside at that point. But, ya, in conclusion, I obviously wouldn’t have even been able to go to the gym for like a week anyway.

Right now, I’m on Vicodin, which I had left over from when I had my gall bladder out, and I’m not going to lie, I’m kind of out of it.  In a fun way, but still. I just finished writing out all the Christmas cards for my youth group, and I’m really hoping I spelled everyone’s name right and that I didn’t say anything too crazy.

Speaking of holiday cards, if you are among the four that sent one my way, thank you much!!

And to everyone who reads my blog, have yourself a merry little Christmas day.

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This is rough.

I’m ordering soda left and right.

I’m eating taco bell for lunch, and McDonald’s for dinner. Working out like two times a week on GOOD weeks. Not sleeping. Barely blogging. Wearing clothes four times between washes, because I have no time for laundry. (Wearing jeans 10 times).  Trying to keep my head above the flood that is my life.

These two jobs and their corresponding commutes are getting to me.

There I said it. It’s out there.

I’m having a rough time.

Heck, more than rough.

I get so tired that I want to cry, but I don’t have the energy.

God gives me strength every day. And, I’d rather be busy than bored, but ya.

This is rough.

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