im cool – Page 69 – The only certainty is bad grammar

sometimes true hollywood stories insprie me. true story.

May 9, 2008 Crystal im cool, medium

aww, who am i kidding with the “sometimes.” true hollywood stories ALWAYS inspire me.

I recently had a spare two hours and guess what E! had on?

correct.

the true hollywood story of jennifer lopez.

the following is a list of things i have since convinced myself i have in common with jennifer lopez:

nicknames:you may not know this if you didn’t see the e! true hollywood story on her like it did, but some people call her JLo. this is something i have in common with her because one time someone called me Lindell. I tried to correct that person and make them say CLi. but it didn’t work. I’m going to count as a commonality with jennifer regardless.

male suitors: She is on her third marriage. Along the way she dated a bazillion guys. I too have have dated a bazillion guys. No. Really. I have.

dresses: She once wore a dress that got her a lot of attention (it was green). this makes me like her because i once wore a green dress too. It was for easter.

marriages:When she was 24 she wasn’t married yet. I’m 24 and i’m not married yet.

acting roles: She stars in movies. me? well, I was totally in the Jane Adams Junior High School Musical when i was 13. i had lines and everything.

rejection: the first time she tried out to be fly girl for “In Living Color” she didn’t make it. Then she made it the second time. This is something i have in common with her because the first time i tried out for graduate school i didn’t get in. but then a month later i got in.

singing: She’s a good singer. I’m sing in my car when I’m alone and nobody tells me to stop.

hair color: She always changes her hair color. i TOO always change my hair color.

That concludes the list of things I have in common with Jennifer Lopez. (for now). I’m pretty confident that this all means I’m going to be rich and famous like Jennifer Lopez soon. if you want my autograph before the rush starts, just go ahead and send me a self-addressed stamped envelope.

how to fix the world: in 10 easy steps

May 5, 2008 Crystal im cool, long

so in the spirit of being mad at Life, i’ve decided to write a list of all the things i plan to change when i rule the world:

(in no particular order) I WILL:

1.so change THIS:

Ledbetter worked for almost 20 years as a supervisor in an Alabama tire plant. During that time, she was paid far less than her male colleagues—a fact she was blissfully unaware of until someone slipped her a note showing the discrepancy. Stunned, she took the company to court, where a jury awarded her over $3 million in damages. She hasn’t seen a penny. Why? Because the Supreme Court decided, on appeal, that Ledbetter had missed the 180-day statute of limitations on making her complaint—and that the clock started ticking the day she was hired.

Got that? So if you don’t make a formal complaint of discriminatory pay within six months of the time your pay was decided, you don’t have a case.

Umm, wtf?? that makes me so mad. and as a young professional woman, im here to tell you that sexism is still quite alive and well in america’s workplace. Today is actually the six-month (180-day) anniverisary of when i started my current job. I haven’t sued the company, but that’s due mostly to the fact that we are told not to discuss our pay, so i have NO IDEA if my male colleagues are making tons more than I am for doing the same job.

no. freaking. idea.

2. eliminate the current health insurance system in the United States. Heck, since I’m ruling the WHOLE WORLD, I’ll just change everything. I’ll make is so people NEVER have to deal with an insurance company again. FREE MEDICINE FOR EVERYONE (paid for by number 3 on the list).

3. eliminate all military. saves lives AND money. enough said.

4. make it the law that EVERY restaurant (including McDonald’s) had to offer at least TWO vegan options. If someone owns a restaurant and doesn’t follow this law, i will require them to become vegan. ha.

5. make college free for everyone. everywhere. seriously. and i would back-instate this law so that anyone with college loans would not have to pay them off. (this also would be paid for by number 3).

6. live next door to Johnny Depp. (hey, I have to get at least ONE super cool thing out of this.) It’s not like i would force him to like marry me or anything. i just want the comfort of knowing that if i say, just happen, to need a cup of sugar, i could casually walk over to his house and borrow it.

i fell off the earth. but im back

May 5, 2008 Crystal im cool, short

hey there, hi there, hoe there.

sorry about that. sorry i was gone for a week.

it was a long week. and as i write this im still extremely frustrated about a bunch of the stuff that happened last week.

i was angry, and i took it out on my blog.

me: stupid Life. fine. if that’s how you want to be Life, then i’m not even going to write about you on my blog.

but im all a little better now.

so im back.

to write about Life. (even thought i’m still holding a bit of a grudge).

hope you’ll come back too.