journalism – Page 6 – The only certainty is bad grammar

i got by with a little help from my friend

June 6, 2008 Crystal journalism, medium

man. i had this friend once.

he was so. freaking. cool.

seriously.

this guy was co-ol.

he would let me call him like 17 times a day and never get annoyed. and then he would call me like 14 times in the same day and compliment my “micheal jackson” ring-back tone no matter what.

and he would let me talk about being vegan all. the. freaking. time. and he would never complain about listening to stories of soy.

Oh! AND he was a journalist — so my in-depth theories about lede structure never bored him.

not once.

and since he’s seen every movie ever made, he’d let me ramble on about whichever johnny depp film i had just watched (and you shouldn’t underestimate how many johnny depp films i watch).

also, he was so freaking funny.

his e-mails would crack my sh*t UP. and (when i shared them with others) they would crack my co-worker’s sh*t up. and they would crack my friend’s sh*t up. and then they would crack my sh*t up a-gain.

but the best thing about this friend was that he believed in me.

i mean, if you asked this guy “what is crystal going to be when she grows up?” he’d say — without even pausing — “amazing.”

it’s not that he thought i was a good writer (he did) or that i was funny (he did) it’s that he thought i was the kind of gal who could fix the world. (or something equally as important).

i mean this guy really believed I was amazing.

and he had a way of making me believe it about me too.

and even when he got to know me (and ALL my faults (including, but not limited to: my coke-a-cola addiction, my need to complain about all things snow, and my crazy vegan ways)) his faith in me didn’t fade.

because this guy thought that i was shiny inside. and if other people didn’t see the light, they were just stupid.

it wasn’t weird. or uncomfortable. or awkward.

it just was.

he believed in me. and by extension i started to believe in me.

and he and i aren’t talking now.

and every day kind of a sucks a little bit as a result.

and even though it’s nice outside. AND im the proud owner of a couch. AND i totally didn’t f*ck up at work this week — everything was a little dull without him to talk to.

and i just wanted to say that i miss him.

a lot.

and i hope we find our way back.

because friends like him are so cool.

if you haven’t seen “broadcast news” then the following review is totally timely

May 19, 2008 Crystal journalism, long, movie review

editor’s note: the following is a follow-up to my previous post, found below or by clicking here.

to be fair “broadcast news” has some pretty great lines. I stole the following off imdb’s site here. even though you could just click that link and read them or you could just watch them in context by renting the movie from the “favorites” section at “family video,” i decided that im SO important that i should choose my favorites for your viewing pleasure. i will make them more valuable than “cut and paste” because i will add witty analysis after each one:

Aaron Altman: I know you care about him. I’ve never seen you like this about anyone, so please don’t take it wrong when I tell you that I believe that Tom, while a very nice guy, is the Devil.
Jane Craig: This isn’t friendship.
Aaron Altman: What do you think the Devil is going to look like if he’s around? Nobody is going to be taken in if he has a long, red, pointy tail. No. I’m semi-serious here. He will look attractive and he will be nice and helpful and he will get a job where he influences a great God-fearing nation and he will never do an evil thing… he will just bit by little bit lower standards where they are important. Just coax along flash over substance… Just a tiny bit. And he will talk about all of us really being salesmen. And he’ll get all the great women.

I kind of think some people in my life are the devil in disguise. also, famous people like George Bush kind of remind me of the devil in this sense. and btw, God, in case im totally off base about Bush on this, im going to go ahead and ask for precautionary forgiveness.

AND:

Blair Litton: Oh, you think anyone who’s proud of the work we do is an ass-kisser.
Aaron Altman: No, I think anyone who puckers up their lips and presses it against their bosses buttocks and then *smooches* is an ass-kisser.
Blair Litton: My gosh… and for a while there I was attracted to you.
Aaron Altman: Well, wait a minute, that changes everything!

i like to pretend that one of my co-workers is aaron in this situation and one of my other co-workers is blair.

AND:

Paul Moore: It must be nice to always believe you know better, to always think you’re the smartest person in the room.
Jane Craig: No. It’s awful.

i feel like jane feels here. all. the. time. — not because i have a big ego, just because im always right and i think most authority figures are always wrong. (not all, just most.)

AND:

if you haven’t seen “broadcast news” then the following review is totally timely

May 19, 2008 Crystal journalism, long, movie review

editor’s note: the following is a follow-up to my previous post, found below or by clicking here.

Aaron Altman: I know you care about him. I’ve never seen you like this about anyone, so please don’t take it wrong when I tell you that I believe that Tom, while a very nice guy, is the Devil.
Jane Craig: This isn’t friendship.
Aaron Altman: What do you think the Devil is going to look like if he’s around? Nobody is going to be taken in if he has a long, red, pointy tail. No. I’m semi-serious here. He will look attractive and he will be nice and helpful and he will get a job where he influences a great God-fearing nation and he will never do an evil thing… he will just bit by little bit lower standards where they are important. Just coax along flash over substance… Just a tiny bit. And he will talk about all of us really being salesmen. And he’ll get all the great women.

AND:

Blair Litton: Oh, you think anyone who’s proud of the work we do is an ass-kisser.
Aaron Altman: No, I think anyone who puckers up their lips and presses it against their bosses buttocks and then *smooches* is an ass-kisser.
Blair Litton: My gosh… and for a while there I was attracted to you.
Aaron Altman: Well, wait a minute, that changes everything!

i like to pretend that one of my co-workers is aaron in this situation and one of my other co-workers is blair.

AND:

Paul Moore: It must be nice to always believe you know better, to always think you’re the smartest person in the room.
Jane Craig: No. It’s awful.

i feel like jane feels here. all. the. time. — not because i have a big ego, just because im always right and i think most authority figures are always wrong. (not all, just most.)

AND: