Too personal for the internet.
yesterday i had a break down.
a full-blown, non-stop crying for five hours, turn my eyes into puffy pieces of fruit from the hysteria of it all, break down.
and im going to tell you about it because i kind of think that maybe other people break down too sometimes, it’s just that nobody talks about it. either that, or im just crazy by myself, which really should make this whole story that much more interesting.
Read more “this post doesn’t suck. but it is very long.”
well, obviously, i made it through the week with just $5.47. YAY. im still alive. phew. (thanks in no small part to the mini-“loan” from this super awesome girl i know, and the “gifts” from my mom). (thanks guys).
i also got sick. which seems to be the new norm for me. and you all haters out there can’t even go about blaming the vegan thing because i’ve been regularly eating cheese and eggs for a few weeks a month two months now.
so ha.
ish.
anyway, it started with a sore throat and has since taken over my sense of smell as well as my ability to breathe. im guessing it’s because I got super tired after swimming around in a water park all day wednesday. that’s how easy it is this day for my immune system to just give up and say “eh. these germs are pretty tough. all right. fine, come on in guys. it’s cool. crystal didn’t really have any plans for her day off anyway.”
im telling you, this is why i could never run for president.
if it wasn’t for my sleep addiction, i’d totally be fixing health care and dealing with racial issues in america with beer right now guys. seriously.
but no, as soon as i miss one night of slumber, im downing dayquil and slabbing on the vicks.
speaking of nothing, i redesinged my little plot of cyberspace.*
typically, i like more white space, but i decided to go with something different this time. other than the fact that i like the colors and the flowers and the paper clip, i think the notebook paper emphasizes that this is a personal blog. (sometimes people saw the url and the raspberries and assumed this was a food blog).(im looking at you GoDaddy help center man).
i also like the paragraph spacing a lot more and that people’s avatar’s show up in the comment section now. (note: if you do not have a WordPress avatar, a little monster will show up. fun times).
i did have to sacrifice my old twitter widget and go with a more mellow box, because i just couldn’t figure out how to squish the old one onto that side bar. Also, i still have to mess with the pictures at the very, very bottom on the site via Flicker, but other than that, im content.
and of course, as usual, if you hate it, please keep your comments to yourself for awhile. otherwise they will drive me nuts, keep me awake at night and make me rue the day i met you.
*yes im still using that word. and i bet if you read the only daily newspaper published in McHenry County early next week, you’ll see it in that professional publication at least once as well. just sayin.
my friend tom loewy has taken to saying secular prayers for me. whatever the crap that means.
i mean, if you’re going to take the time to close your eyes and think nice thoughts about someone, i’d think it wouldn’t be much harder to add a “Dear God,” at the front end and an “Amen” on the other side just to make sure all the paperwork is in order.
but whatever. i guess he’s just stubborn like that. and don’t get me wrong, it’s not that i don’t appreciate the efforts.
God knows i could use the help right now. i know God knows, because I actually do take the time to address my thoughts to him and then close with a solid “In Jesus name.”
i mean it’s not like im in any sort of trouble. or have anything particularly bad going on.
just the average crap the world throws at you here folks. not enough money, family drama, no love life, self-esteem issues, stress at work.
you know.
oh. and that strange feeling when i think about how i’ll be 26 in a matter of weeks and i still feel like i haven’t gotten my shyte together yet.
so like i said, i’ll take the secular prayers if that’s what he’s offering.
don’t get me wrong, i do try to take the time to see how far i’ve come. to look around and notice that im not, in fact, the same person i was when i was 17.
i have a real job. and live in real home (granted it’s not really MY home). i have a master’s degree, which i still argue is a small measure of success despite the fact that i will be paying it off until i die and then im pretty sure my family will just have to cash in whatever life insurance i have and use it to pay the rest, while they bury me in the newly discounted plots at Burr Oak.
oh. and also i’ve come a long way in realizing what types of guys i DON’T want to date.
that’s can’t be bad right?
for instance, remember that guy i wrote the letter to in high school? where i used statistics to deter his advances. well, i looked him on facebook.
and friended him.
people i was CURIOUS and his profile was private, what was i supposed to do? so just lay off.
anywho, he actually called me. on wednesday. at 6:17 a.m.
to say hello.
AT 6:17 AM!
he wanted to tell me that he was happy i was friends with him on facebook now. im not going to sugar coat this guys, i was kind of a biotch about the whole thing seeing as how IT WAS 6:17 IN THE MORNING AND THERE WAS NO APPARENT EMERGENCY, NEWS OR OTHERWISE! and i hung up after explaining that maybe he could call me after say 9 AM!
see. see how far i’ve come.
because we all know that when i was 17, i would have found a way to see him right then. i would have been so happy that a boy was giving me attention that i would have stolen the keys to my dad’s van and driven out to meet him that very morning.
alas, though, i still have a ways to go. i still have a lot of life’s things to get in order and figure out.
so like i’ve been saying, i’ll take whatever prayers i can get. even those of a secular nature.