The only certainty is bad grammar

One day, a few weeks ago, i was really sad that i’m not-even-kind-of-in-any-way-sort-of-close-to-ever getting married. which, you know, isn’t that big of a deal, seeing as how I’m only 24. but sometimes, when i think about, i freak out. so i decided to call my good friend and tell her how much my life sucks and make her explain to me that’s it ok for me to be not-even-kind-of-in-any-way-sort-of-close-to-ever getting married. and she told me she was engaged.

now, im in her wedding* and this  (in truffle) is what I’ll be wearing. It LOOKS really cute, but I’ve only actually seen it on the david’s bridal model, and seeing as how im the opposite of a david’s bridal model, i really have no idea how it will look on umm, me.

Despite this, she called yesterday to explain that i had to tell her my dress size RIGHT NOW because she was about the purchase the dresses. 

No big deal. except, I’m crazy and my self-esteem is about zero, so telling someone my size is freaking awkward. don’t worry, i sucked it up, acted like a mature woman, and told her my size — when i haven’t eaten all day. that’s right, my size when I’ve had no food. and from what i understand the dress CANNOT be taken out AT ALL.

my plan is to just not eat in August. 

come late summer, I might be a bit bitchycranky. no big deal. just. a bit. cranky. but it’s all good, because maybe I’ll meet my soul mate at this wedding and then i won’t be not-even-kind-of-in-any-way-sort-of-close-to-ever getting married. I’m not saying definitely. I’m just saying maybe. and then SHE can be in MY wedding.

*note: i freaking LOVE the bride and this post is in no way meant to imply that I would ever not want to be in her wedding. and also, she’s super cool becuase she’s paying for the my dress.

One day, a few weeks ago, i was really sad that i’m not-even-kind-of-in-any-way-sort-of-close-to-ever getting married. which, you know, isn’t that big of a deal, seeing as how I’m only 24. but sometimes, when i think about, i freak out. so i decided to call my good friend and tell her how much my life sucks and make her explain to me that’s it ok for me to be not-even-kind-of-in-any-way-sort-of-close-to-ever getting married. and she told me she was engaged.

now, im in her wedding* and this  (in truffle) is what I’ll be wearing. It LOOKS really cute, but I’ve only actually seen it on the david’s bridal model, and seeing as how im the opposite of a david’s bridal model, i really have no idea how it will look on umm, me.

Despite this, she called yesterday to explain that i had to tell her my dress size RIGHT NOW because she was about the purchase the dresses. 

No big deal. except, I’m crazy and my self-esteem is about zero, so telling someone my size is freaking awkward. don’t worry, i sucked it up, acted like a mature woman, and told her my size — when i haven’t eaten all day. that’s right, my size when I’ve had no food. and from what i understand the dress CANNOT be taken out AT ALL.

my plan is to just not eat in August. 

come late summer, I might be a bit bitchycranky. no big deal. just. a bit. cranky. but it’s all good, because maybe I’ll meet my soul mate at this wedding and then i won’t be not-even-kind-of-in-any-way-sort-of-close-to-ever getting married. I’m not saying definitely. I’m just saying maybe. and then SHE can be in MY wedding.

*note: i freaking LOVE the bride and this post is in no way meant to imply that I would ever not want to be in her wedding. and also, she’s super cool becuase she’s paying for the my dress.

I don’t really have anything new or creative to say about this video game system that hasn’t already been said, but I don’t care because IT IS SO FREAKING FUN. and my friends are WAY cooler than your friends because they totally let me come over and play with their wii!!! (which, now that i write this sounds kind of dirty, but it isn’t at all).

It’s like nintendo on meth. you get to hold the controller and move it around and it magically knows that you, say, hit a baseball, threw a bowling ball or even put grandma’s dentures in (really, that was one of the games). And I got to box. which was fun because I totally beat a boy. and when I say “box” I mean he and i got up and threw some punches at each other, and I totally got more punches in than him and i totally won.

and, my friends also are cooler than your friends because they made sushi. that’s right. in oshkosh, wisconsin i ate sushi. and all you people out there saying “WAIT YOU’RE A VEGETARIAN!” don’t you fret, because my friends are SO cool that they made vegetarian sushi. and i was freaking scared to eat it (mostly because it was wrapped in seaweed) — but it was actually (kind of) good. don’t get me wrong, I washed everything down with a nice american coke-a-cola so I didn’t feel too cultured, but overall it was some good eats.  

In conclusion, if you want me to be your friend all you have to do is let me play with your Wii and make me sushi (I think that sounds pretty low maintenance if i do say so myself).