david’s bridal computer-generated models aren’t very realistic

One day, a few weeks ago, i was really sad that i’m not-even-kind-of-in-any-way-sort-of-close-to-ever getting married. which, you know, isn’t that big of a deal, seeing as how I’m only 24. but sometimes, when i think about, i freak out. so i decided to call my good friend and tell her how much my life sucks and make her explain to me that’s it ok for me to be not-even-kind-of-in-any-way-sort-of-close-to-ever getting married. and she told me she was engaged.

now, im in her wedding* and this  (in truffle) is what I’ll be wearing. It LOOKS really cute, but I’ve only actually seen it on the david’s bridal model, and seeing as how im the opposite of a david’s bridal model, i really have no idea how it will look on umm, me.

Despite this, she called yesterday to explain that i had to tell her my dress size RIGHT NOW because she was about the purchase the dresses. 

No big deal. except, I’m crazy and my self-esteem is about zero, so telling someone my size is freaking awkward. don’t worry, i sucked it up, acted like a mature woman, and told her my size — when i haven’t eaten all day. that’s right, my size when I’ve had no food. and from what i understand the dress CANNOT be taken out AT ALL.

my plan is to just not eat in August. 

come late summer, I might be a bit bitchycranky. no big deal. just. a bit. cranky. but it’s all good, because maybe I’ll meet my soul mate at this wedding and then i won’t be not-even-kind-of-in-any-way-sort-of-close-to-ever getting married. I’m not saying definitely. I’m just saying maybe. and then SHE can be in MY wedding.

*note: i freaking LOVE the bride and this post is in no way meant to imply that I would ever not want to be in her wedding. and also, she’s super cool becuase she’s paying for the my dress.

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  1. Perhaps, if you eat nothing but seaweed sushi from now until Aug., you might eliminate any self doubt about wearing that dress.
    Of course, I look forward to the day all wedding cermonies are performed via Wii virtual reality and we can choose our own characters.
    Just imagine the would-be mate you could box and play golf with.

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