medium – Page 15 – The only certainty is bad grammar

Tripped up

December 18, 2010 Crystal exercise, humor, medium, sh*tty things that happen to me

I’m pretty sure I could gain an easy 50 to 98 pounds working at the candy magazine.

My first day, I gained like six.

Dudes, literally like a couple hours in, my new boss called me into his office and I was worried for half a minute that my first column sucked or something, but all he wanted to do was give me four packages of free candy to try. And it was delicious.

Too delicious.

My plan right now is to give up soda so that I can balance things out, but that didn’t work so well today because I ended up having that very same free candy for breakfast, and then I had a Coke with dinner.

I also was planning to join a gym today, but it actually ended up being a really good thing I didn’t because as I was running (yes, literally running because I was COLD) into Target to buy bows and wrapping paper I tripped on nothing and sprained my ankle like a mofo.

I was trying to just walk it off because you know, a girl’s gotta shop, but then I sat on the display futon and took off my boot and I realized that my ankle was the size of a tennis ball. I cried a little on the inside at that point. But, ya, in conclusion, I obviously wouldn’t have even been able to go to the gym for like a week anyway.

Right now, I’m on Vicodin, which I had left over from when I had my gall bladder out, and I’m not going to lie, I’m kind of out of it. In a fun way, but still. I just finished writing out all the Christmas cards for my youth group, and I’m really hoping I spelled everyone’s name right and that I didn’t say anything too crazy.

Speaking of holiday cards, if you are among the four that sent one my way, thank you much!!

And to everyone who reads my blog, have yourself a merry little Christmas day.

Blog topics

Published: November 27, 2010 / Updated: November 27, 2010 Crystal medium

I’m traveling through some crazy decisions these days.

Some keep-me-up-at-night, mind-gymnastics, intense decisions.

I want to tell you all about them, get some input, and feel a little more at peace tomorrow than I do today, but, because they are decisions of the crazy kind, I can’t tell you anything about them.

Doesn’t that suck when writers are annoyingly crypitic like that? I, for one, hate it with all my heart. But here I am doing it anyway because, well, at the end of the Internet, this is my stupid blog. For better and worse.

It’s just, well, I don’t know what to do.

I tried to Google my problem, but strangely, nothing at all came up that was relevant. (Maybe I just didn’t search the right key words). I keep asking live people for advice too, but that hasn’t been much better. I’m finding that I have to just figure this one out myself.

I miss being a little kid, when everything was black and white and easy. Clean your room. Don’t talk in class. Don’t steal candy from the bins at Jewel. And, don’t run up the phone bill calling your friends.

Bam. That’s it. Those were rights and wrongs of the day. No other problems had ever crossed my universe. I didn’t need Google therapy.

::sigh::

So, ya, here I am. All undecided about really important things that I can’t even blog about.

I’m hearing a lot of “pray about it”s which is great and all, except sometimes, I just like hearing things exactly specific to my situation. I’m needy like that. And well, Jesus doesn’t really do one-on-ones, at least not with me.

Ug. I just do not know what to do.

In the meantime though, you can expect a lot of non-emotional blog topics, such as, but not limited too: How I feel about purses, How I feel about tea pots, and How I feel about syrup.* That is, until I can finally be at a place where I can write about these decisions.

*Note: Blog topics may or may not actually happen.

The regular rotation

Published: October 20, 2010 / Updated: October 20, 2010 Crystal feminism?, humor, im cool, journalism, medium, Wow

Woah. So. It’s 11 p.m. already and I’m just now sitting down to dinner with my roommate and her boyfriend.

11.

And I have to wake up at 6 a.m. tomorrow.

This is my life now.

I do not understand people who are bored. Who are these people and why aren’t they helping me do my laundry?

Ya. Whatever. It’s been like two weeks since I did my laundry and I had to wear my leopard skirt to work today, which I’ve had since I was 16. True story. And depending on which top I pair with the skirt, it can go either professional or hooker.

I did get about 50 compliments on it though, so maybe I should put it back into the regular rotation.

Moving on, I had a fantastical day!!

My editor said she was pleased as punch for me and the happiness that rained down. True story.

Isn’t that the awesome? Pleased as punch. It’s got the greatest ring to it.

I’m totally bringing that phrase back into the regular rotation. I’m going to be all, “What? You’re getting married? Well, I’m just pleased as punch for you!” And, “Did you say you got those shoes for 75 percent off?? Well, honey, I’m just pleased as punch for you!!”

Go ahead, test me by telling me some good news. Just wait. Also, if you could grab that laundry basket, that’d be awesome. Thanks.

Also, you should know that my roommate and her boyfriend made the awesomest veggie spaghetti!! It had soy meat, and sauce and there was salad and garlic bread and a pre-meal prayer. And her boy calls it family time when we all hang out.

I’m thinking it’s something that could land in our regular rotation.