I’m pretty sure God broke the Internet today at my job.
Don’t tell my co-worker because she’d totally be p*ssed if she knew that’s what happened. I mean it f*ed up our day craptastically.
But, see, well, I was going to go to lunch the stupidest of stupid guys. A guy so stupid he doesn’t even deserve for me to mention him on my super amazing blog.
But God broke the Internet at my regular office, so I had to go work somewhere else and couldn’t meet him for said lunch.
The Big Guy was looking out.
See, I was doing so good on my own.
Like, not-texting-him, not-calling-him, not-even-thinking-about-him-during-most-of-the-sad-songs-on-the-country-radio-stations good.
But then I had this dream that I was searching and searching for him, and all I could get was a glimpse and well.
Ya.
It’s the kind of dream where you fall asleep thinking maybe your thoughts have finally found a peaceful place, and a couple hours later you wake up with a broken soul aching to see him.
I tried to fight it. I walked four miles. I thought happy thoughts. I even switched the radio every time a sad song came on.
But that kind of soul aching lingers. And it spreads. And before I knew it I couldn’t take it anymore and I sent him a text.
I knew he’d reply. He always replies. That’s why the only way this whole awful thing between us will ever die is if I do it myself.
But I can’t do it myself. I need help.
Tons.
So God went ahead and broke the Internet to lend a hand.
I guess he knew it’d be just what I needed to make it to the other side of today with a glimmer of hope that I can move past this.
CNN, Facebook and “The only certainty is bad grammar” all changed. Or did you forget “the only certainty…?”
wait, were you texting G-d or the stupidest of stupid guys? you and G-d sound pretty tight. besties even.