I will Survive-or.

Ok. Fine. I watch the show Survivor. And it’s good.

Fine. Great. Whatever. Now you know.

I resisted for, oh, the last decade or so, but I have finally jumped on the bandwagon. And I have to say what needs to be said:

Phillip is crazy.

For those who either have given up on the show or who never gave it down in the first place, he is the contestant this season who literally walks around in fuchsia underwear all the live-long day.

Dude is a hoot.

And, he goes around telling everyone that he’s a former federal agent, but either he is lying or sworn to secrecy by the U.S. government because the producers have decided to put a question mark after his job description whenever they display his title.

Also, you should know that although I am officially, 100 percent in love with Boston Rob’s accent — dude is a manipulating manipulator. Seriously.

It seems like the general consensus is that people have to be manipulating manipulators to win the game, but I say,  show me the nice person who can throw down, and we’ve got some great TV.

I think this season, the nice person is Matt. The stero-typical white Christian boy, complete with the long blonde hair. Matt was unfairly voted off on like week two because manipulating manipulator saw him as a threat. But, lucky for him, there’s a magical place called Redemption Island, and as long as he beats whomever was voted off each week in the various challenges, he’s still in the game.

And then. THEN! Then, dude can come back and throw down with manipulating manipulator. And he Could. Go. All. The. WAAAAY!

Fun times.

I think what I like best about the show is that well, it’s so flipping fun. I like yelling things at the TV like “NO! STEPHANIE WAS TOO A GOOD CHOICE FOR THE PUZZLE GAME!” and “BOSTON ROB IS LYING TO YOU!!! DON’T FALL FOR IT.” And “MATT IS TOTALLY GOING TO COME BACK TO HAUNT YA’LL!!”

It’d kind of like football, but with less concussions.

I’m not even going to pretend that I haven’t already thought about trying out, but the idea of having to eat meat is kind of a turn off. Plus, you know, I’d probably die in like a minute without a hair dryer and sunscreen.

Speaking of such things, I still can’t seem to figure out what the heck those people have access to or why they brought some of the things they brought. Here are a list of my questions regarding that:

  • Why does one girl have a suit jacket on? Was she either going to bring that or a hoodie? She should have gone with the hoodie.
  • Do they have shampoo and deodorant? Also, what about sunscreen?
  • Why are all the women wearing flip flops? It seems like tennis shoes would be a more logical choice.
  • Do they really only survive on what they find? Are they living on leaves and bugs out there? For real?
  • Do the women get pads and tampons when, you know, need them?
  • Speaking of which, what about access to Advil and Tylenol? Are those ever allowed?Also, are any of them on any medications other than that, and if so, do they get access to them?
  • Is there toilet paper out there? Or just leaves?

That’s all for now. But stay tuned for next week, when we find out if “Matt’s winning streak is coming to an end.” Dun. Dun. Dun.

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