I wouldn’t take his name because it’s hard to pronounce / I now love b.reith

At first, I was kinda worried I’d somehow been talked into going to a Christian headbanging concert last night.

Not that I don’t love the headbanging-for-Jesus set or anything, it’s just that it hurts my neck, and I don’t really like jumping up and down for 37 minutes straight to express enthusiasm – I’m more of a clapper.

Lucky for me, it was SO much awesomer than a headbanging concert. Rather, there was this one band, and this other band, and a couple other bands AND B.Reith.

(pronounced B.Right). (I think).

musical sigh.

I love him now.

Not only are his lyrics rockin, and not only is he kinda from the area (Milwaukee), and not only is he Christian, but people, he’s ALSO hott. (complete with the extra t.).

His style is a mix of Eminem (if Eminem loved God), Weezer and Gym Class Heros (I’m not sure if either of them love God – but if they did and they mixed their sounds with Eminem, they’d sound like B.Reith).

My favorite line of the night went something like “How’d I get so popular? I blame my face. opps. I mean MySpace.”

I felt like dancing in the aisles during his set. No joke. (I didn’t though because that would make me seem crazy. Duh.).

Immediately after he got off stage I started concocting ways to meet him. My first plan included a bag of coffee beans, a cigarette and a bottle of water.

Then I remembered that he’s barely famous and opted instead to just wait in line near his merchandise table.

I wanted to say something along the lines of:

Hello. My name is Crystal. I thought your performance was downright amazing. Your mad writing skills blew me away. I got your jokes, saw your point of view and was inspired all at once. Would it be at all possible for you to sign my CD? Really. Great! Ya, it’s C.R.Y.S.T.A.L. Oh, and I loved the joke you made about MySpace. That was hi.larious.

I wish you only the best! Also, I love Milwaukee, and I hope you have a good time with your parents tonight.

Instead, I waited about 10 minutes behind a line of girls who couldn’t get a legal drink, and then when I got up to him, said:

Hi!!! Ummm. Can you sign my CD?? C.R.Y.S.T.A.L! I liked your joke about your face and MySpace! He. He. OK. umm. Thanks!

Flying between clouds I was after that though people. Just floating around and loving life.

It was glorious.

And I immediately went over to show my now-prized CD to Lynn (the friend from church who’d taken me to this concert in the first place).

She’s never satisfied though.

Although she was semi-impressed by the autograph, she decided I needed to get a picture with this man.

I’m not sure she clearly understood how crazy I had already looked though, so I insisted on not bothering the poor guy with such a request.

As a compromise we decided to have her stand in front of him while I stood about a foot in back of him. The plan was for me stare at the camera and wait until he happened to turn toward her and then FLASH!, she’d take the picture, and it’d kinda sorta look like I was standing next to him and we’d run away so as not to seem crazy.

Strangely, that didn’t work too well.

After trying to casually look over his shoulder for about 8 minutes, I finally decided to just tap his back and ask for a freaking photograph.

I figured that because he’s Christian he had to say yes.

And while he was awkwardly putting his arm around me (he-touched-me sigh) I told him that I happen to write a funny blog and Oh. Here’s my card. (Hey B. Reith,if you’re reading this – Facebook me!).

Ok. Ok. Here’s the picture. Note how I’m smiling like I just got a $5,000 bonus check AND learned that Oprah likes my blog, while his smile is more “I thought I already signed this girl’s CD. Man. Fans are so weird. (fame’s-hard sigh)”

I don’t care though. Because that guy right there is my future husband, and I need photos like this for the grandkids.


Also, because I know you’re too lazy to YouTube him yourself, I have inserted one his videos into this post. Hit play, and remember to thank me next time we hang out:

You LOVED IT! right? Well, here’s one more. (It has more God in it) (you’ll have to excuse the random man singing “do do do” around the 2:05 mark).

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  1. I only hope when the day comes that I will be invited to the wedding. Remember Crystal who was responsible for this love affair.
    God bless you and b.

  2. Your talent for talking to celebrities continues.
    So you’re saying, when we go see David Sedaris, if he is signing books, we’ll wait in line for that and then have to the back of the line to get a photo taken?

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