Life advice:

1. Start each day with a prayer. To someone. Somewhere. I personally prefer God. It will help you realize the world is bigger than you.

2. Be thankful for at least three things each day. Most likely you have a warm place to sleep, enough food to get you through the day and at least one good hour of prime time television you can watch in color each night. Start with those if you can’t think of anything.

3. When Ce Lo Green’s “F*CK You!” comes on the radio, turn it up really loud and sing along like nobody’s watching. Yes, the original version includes a pretty harsh swear word. But it’s all right, because sometimes break-ups are pretty harsh on your heart.

4. See how you look with liquid black eyeliner at least once.

5. If you’re going to straighten your hair, use a Chi. All the other straighteners suck. If you’re broke, buy it at Marshall’s, where they usually have them half off suggested retail price.

6. When possible, only take carry-on bags when you fly. And, don’t forget that you’ll have to take off your shoes when you go through airport security, so you probably don’t want to wear those tie-up boots that end at your knee.

7. Invest in people. Martin Luther King Jr., and Jesus both tell us we can all be great because we can all serve. It’s true. When you give part of yourself unselfishly to someone else’s needs, you will be shocked at the rewards that come your way. Shocked.

8. Have a fun ring-back tone on your cell phone. It will put people in good mood when they call, and there’s no telling when that will come in handy.

9. Wear a perfume instead of body spray. It smells more sincere.

10. Save your work. If you’re on a computer, create a back-up file. If it’s paper you prefer, keep it somewhere safe.

11. Buy a car charger for your cell phone.

12. If need to text someone, check an email or take a nap,  then don’t drive at the same time.

13. Leave lots of room between you and the car in front of you when you’re in traffic.

14. When the toilet paper runs out, replace it.

15. Don’t take is personally — it’s usually not personal. People will hate you, gossip about you and demean you. Those people are broken. But remember, so are you. So, instead of getting offended, love them.

16. If you get a manicure, pay for the gel manicure. It will last about four times as long.

17. If you’re ever at O’Hare international airport, and you need to take a cab to the suburbs, make sure you get a suburban cab. City cabs will charge you $100 to go to Aurora.

18. Spend at least one week of your life lying on a beach somewhere.

19. Spend at least one week of your life working harder then you’ve ever worked in your life in service to someone else.

20. Ask for help.

21. Go to college. It’s expensive, and you might end up with massive amounts of student debt, but you will learn to understand the world in a different way, and that’s more valuable than you know.

22. Read. A lot. Read the magazines at the dentist, read the Bible in the hotel nightstand, read your friends’ twitter feeds, read the fliers in the bathroom, read everything by David Sedaris, read “The road not taken”, read your favorite book twice, and read you dad’s favorite book at least once.

23. Don’t date someone who’s already married. It will not work out.

24. Remember, “a lot” is two words. And “you’re” = you are, while “your” means it’s yours.

25. Remember the phrase, “Never Eat Soggy Waffles.” It will help you find your way. North. East. South. West.

26. Don’t do drugs. People, good people, really do die from them.

27. On Valentine’s Day, send everyone you love — from your pastor to your dad to your boyfriend —  a text that says, “Happy Valentine’s Day! I hope your day is filled with lots of love and chocolates.” And then, on Facebook, tell people you will tell them things you love about them if they ‘like’ your status, and then do it in a sincere way.

28. Send people birthday cards. Make sure you tell at least three reasons you love them.

29. Be OK with being single.

30.  Take a deep breath every time you seen a sunset.

31. Learn to type.

32. Wear flats when you know you’re going to be standing up for more than three hours straight.

33. Stop eating when you’re full.

34. If you ever have a really sharp pain in your chest, go to the emergency room. If it’s not a heart attack, have them check your gall bladder with an ultra sound.

35. If you ever start hyperventilating, and your hands and feet go numb, breathe into your hand to readjust your oxygen level.

36. If you’re sick, stay home.

37. Sit on the front seat of a roller coaster at least once.

38. Pick up your dirty socks and put them in the hamper.

39. If you have braces and the orthodontist tells you to wear rubber bands, just do it.

40. Take Advil when you get menstrual cramps. Tylenol will not work.

41. Learn to french braid.

42. If your contact lens feels like it’s scratching your eye, take it out.

42b. Also, don’t sleep in your contacts.

43. Learn to make at least one thing you love to eat and then bring that one thing to pot lucks.

44. Give at least $1 to the homeless guy on the sidewalk, even if especially if someone is pulling you away and telling you not to.

45. Drink water instead whenever possible.

46. When you love someone, love them completely.

47. Run a 5K at least once. I promise the training will suck, but I also promise that you’ll be able to do it and that crossing the finish line will be amazing.

48. Don’t dye your own hair blonde. Brown, red, black and purple are fine. But for blonde, go to a professional.

49.  When someone offers you a salary for a new job, ask for more money once and then take whatever they offer next.

50. Return phone calls.

51. Watch Back the Future, The Princess Bride, Field of Dreams, and Indian Jones.

52. Always tip 20%. Serving others is hard work, so show those who do it appreciation.

53. Listen.

54. Smile.

55. Don’t be afraid to fail.