it’s a sneaky drink that jagerbomb.

August 16, 2008 Crystal humor, im cool, medium

WARNING: This post may not be suitable for those who think I’m perfect.

So what kind of evil genius said ‘oh, let me just go ahead and mix this alcohol (which relaxes me) with this here energy drink (which, as the name implies, gives me engery) and see what happens’?

seriously. WHO DID THIS?

and why did that REALLY cute guy last night have to go and buy me one?

huh?

does he WANT me to party like it’s 1999 for the WHOLE millennium?

because I could now.

i really could.

for those of you a few years behind the latest drinking trends (hi mom!) here’s a brief description (according to the infallible wikipedia)

The Jägerbomb, or occasionally Jagbomb is a cocktail combining one shot of Jägermeister dropped into a glass of an energy drink, usually Red Bull.[1][2] It is referred to as a “Jäger-Bull” in some English bars.

Jägerbomb – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.

it’s crazy.

seriously.

(and kinda expnsive).

but it’s also FUN.

at this point, you might be all, ‘well, I’ve had rum and coke, and coke has caffeine, so it’s probably the same thing.’

ahh, young grasshopper, you’re so naive.

because THESE are more like meth mixed with tylenol pm.

with a soothing cherry flavor.

seriously.

that’s what they’re like.

and all im going to say about last night is that i did not get home until 5 a.m.

and i danced a lot.

go ahead and fill in the rest of the blanks for yourself if you’re in to that sort of thing.

and for the record: Im obviously over 21, so stop judging me.

stop it.

and hand me some water, will you. im super hung over. dehydrated.

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either God’s mad at me, or i owe someone scary money

August 14, 2008 Crystal humor, long, sh*tty things that happen to me

so just to get you guys up to speed:

aside from the fact that three weeks ago, my car died, (detailed here.), I have also, within the past few weeks: gone 24 hours without power, gotten in a car accident and somehow managed to SCRATCH MY EYE.

:: deep breath ::

we’ll go chronologically.

first. there was the infamous power outage that came after a chicagoland storm (equivalent to a sunny afternoon by wisconsin standards) that knocked out power from here to well, wisconsin. 

it resulted in 12 hours of vanilla scented candles lighting my apartment, a shower so cold i felt like someone was stabbing my skin, and me blowing drying my hair in a grocery store bathroom.

(comed is stupid).

but, now that i look back on it, it wasn’t that big of a deal, because, on tuesday, i pulled out of a parking space at the tanning salon and rammed right into a 1998 monte carlo.

(insert expletives).

my car is, of course, fine.

his?

well.

notsomuch.

(and my insurance rates were JUST about to go down following my 25th birthday. ugh.)

ok.

no big deal.

ya i was pretty freaking sore by wednesday.

and no pain medication helped me feel better. and the heat patches didn’t make me feel better.

but i could deal with it.

until I SCRATCHED MY EYEBALL.

no, i don’t know how. (some people would argue its contact-lens related, but there is no actual proof of that).

after one trip to urgent care (under the assumption that it was pink eye) and one trip to an optometrist, i realized i was going to be house bound for awhile.

see. besides the PAIN, and the PUSSY EYE and i also can’t wear my contacts for a week.

and i don’t have glasses.

that means i just shelled out $200 to pearl vision, so i could get glasses by tomorrow. (and by ‘i just shelled out’ i actually mean, ‘my roommate lent me’)

now im stuck at home, unable to drive.

and i just wrote a bad $30 check for my eye drops that I’m hoping wal-greens won’t cash till tomorrow (pay day).

and i can’t see anything.

and writing this post is actually hurting my eye.

and im still sore from the stupid car accident.

and my car still hates me.

somebody PLEASE bring me a four-leaf clover.

please?

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