monday. monday. (and also sunday night).

a couple lame things happened to me, so let’s share shall we?

first, last night i was backing out of my garage at 10:03 p.m. to go to wal-mart because even though i was supa tried, i had no deodorant and was thinking maybe the people i’d see at work wouldn’t be cool with that and also, that maybe there would be a crazy fire or accident or flood or something and i would have to cover it and my soulmate would be there in uniform and then he would want to ask me out when he saw me from afar, but then he’d change his mind when he got up close because i smelled like icky stuff mixed with gross things. and then BAM!

i hit the freaking passenger side mirror off my car by running into the garage wall.

what the frick?! i was going like three miles an hour. don’t car parts typically have a little more fight in them?

plus, come on, we all know im never going to pay to get that crap fixed.

alas, because i still needed deodorant, my roommate and i re-installed it with some packaging tape and off i went in my newly ghetto car.

then today, i went to work at my little bureau office where i was going to enjoy a day of solitude and BAM!.

my key got stuck in the door at work.

it’s a problem that doesn’t even sound like it should be a real problem.

apparently this happens though. keys just go into doors and never come out. they meet someone special or something among all those nuts and bolts and it’s over. you never get to lock your door again. it’s right there next to “bushes spontaneously combusting” on the master list of problems people have.

the three nice men who work nearby all looked at me like i was a bat-sh*t nuts when i asked for help and their eyes said “cute little girl, are you too weak to pull a key out of a door? ha. ha. ha. let me help.”

about five seconds after that each realized i was actually pretty awesome/sane, and that my key was, in fact, stuck in the lock and their eyes changed to say “woah. this key IS stuck in the lock.”

minutes before committing to unscrewing the lock, a miracle tube of de-icer appeared from one of the men and they were able to lube it up enough to pull it out. (that’s what she said).

and off i went.

the good news is, i totally got to wear a pretty new fuschia jacket today that my mom got me for my birthday (which is sunday). and, mad men is back in my life and as awesome as ever, AND a really cute guy sent me a message on facebook.

as a result, im going to go ahead and put the last 24 hours in the win category.

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that old car smell

so my car freaking REEKS!

I cannot for the freaking life of me find the d*mn origins of this smell, which seems to be a combination of feet, dairy and mold.

It’s been this way since Friday night. And this morning I sprayed “after the rain”  air freshener (which I stole borrowed from my roommate) everywhere, including the trunk. but now it just smells like feet, dairy, mold AND whatever the heck after the rain smells like.

I have cleaned out EVERY POSSIBLE source and now plan to wait until I get paid and then take it to whoever the heck specializes in these types of things.

The only good news is that you kinda get used to it about 8 minutes in, so all I usually have to do is breathe only when necessary for the first three miles or so and I’m good to go.

This is not the first time i’ve had car smell issues. When I first got my car my mom was all “let me buy you some bleach and then transport said bleach back to your apartment via the trunk of your car” and i was all “what could go wrong?! Sure!”

and then the next day I was all “hmm, my car seems to smell like an over-chlorinated swimming pool. that’s weird” and I realized the bleach had spilled all over my trunk.

and my car smelled like a public pool for about a year-and-a-half to two years depending on who you ask. true story.

and when my sister asked which i thought was worse, the bleach or the mixture of feet, dairy and mold, i have to say, i went with the bleach feet, dairy, and mold — at least with the bleach people thought i was just supa clean, as opposed to supa smelly.

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fly me to the moon

so there i am on my daily trip through the taco bell drive through. “la. de. da. hmm. should i get the seven-layer burrito again today? duh. of course i should.”

i shout my order to the woman behind the fuzzy intercom and i pull up to the first window to pay. I’m greeted with a 50-ish woman who looks a little disheveled.

her: “what the heck is that noise? is that your car making that noise?”

me: “well, yes. i think it might me.”

her: “it sounds like a spaceship! you better get that checked out. it might blow up or something.”

me: “ya. i guess. so.”

me in my head: “listen lady, you’re freaking working at taco bell and you’re trying to tell ME to spend my hard earned money on car repairs? seriously? leave me alone. it’s not THAT bad and besides, I totally just got my freaking muffler fixed. imagine what my car sounded like BEFORE!”

the end.

p.s. i’m suddenly a little worried that my car will blow up.

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