So even though I eat at Taco Bell like
every day once a week and I never exercise because I’m lazy it’s too cold outside and I consider chocolate a food group, I really do have this random goal of being healthy. And yes, I once worked out hard core at 5:30 a.m. every day and I never ate anything but lean cuisines and I never drank anything but water and I lost weight, BUT i don’t think I was really healthy at that point in my life — i was more just dehydrated.
So I’m trying to take smaller steps to get on back on the healthy wagon — and everyone keeps telling me that one of the best things I can do is cut out soda from my diet. So, because I’m American, I decided I would do this by making it my New Year’s Resolution — and then a week later I failed. But I still have these fantasies of giving up the dang soft drink — I just can’t do it. I LOVE it way too much. I mean I really love it. and I really think that overall I’m much happier if I can have AT LEAST one Coke a day, because every day at around 3 p.m. (or what I like to call “desperatly wishing I could take a nap” time) I feel like falling asleep and i just CANNOT drink coffee that doesn’t cost at least $4 a cup, so I spend 70 cents on a can of Coke from the break room. And i try to pretend the the calories I burn going down to the vending machine on the second floor and then carrying the coke back up to my desk on the third floor is at least about as many as are in the can of coke — but I’m too smart to fall for my own lies.
I’m thinking cigarettes might be healthier, and from what I understand people who are addicted to nicotine are WAY cooler than people addicted to soda — at least that’s the message I think I was supposed to take away from Sex and the City.
So, in conclusion, I’ve officially changed my new year’s resolution — I vow to START smoking….(I’m sure I’ll fail in like a week though.)
About one year ago I moved to one of the square states. One of those Dakotas as they say (and apparently the South doesn’t mean it’s the warm one). I was scared out of my mind. I left my safe little copy editing job in Illinois
which i hated which i kind of liked, to cover state government in the middle of nowhere Pierre, South Dakota (note: the town name is pronounced so that it rhymes with beer, and has no French influences in it at all).
I lived in this town — where the closest Target was about two-and-a-half hours away — for about eight months. And the whole time I was there i complained that it was too far from home and that it was too cold and that it was too far from home and that there was no Target store and that it was too far from home and that there was no Applebees and that it was too far from home and that the South Dakotans were SO DIFFERENT and that it was too far from home. So, I found my self a a job that’s a little closer to home and I moved back east (and by east I mean Wisconsin).
And, don’t get me wrong, I really do heart my new job. (although I could live without all this dang snow in this dang state). But earlier today I opened up my cell phone and before I clicked my text message inbox i looked at the picture I have on the phone — a sunset over the Missouri River in South Dakota — and i missed the Mount Rushmore state.
What you should understand is that South Dakota sunsets are legendary. They are almost magical and they take up the entire sky and nothing like them happens in any state that’s not shaped like a square because square states were given big skys by God to make up for the fact that they don’t have many Target stores.
So, at that moment, when I looked at that beautiful picture, I missed South Dakota — desperately. I missed the sunsets, and the friends and the couch I used to have. I missed the local restaurants and walking in the nature areas and working in a capital. And, if five years ago someone would have told me that i was going to MISS some weird square state where their biggest claims to fame were carved presidents and a corn palace — i would have laughed out loud at that someone.
But i miss that stupid square state (and everything in it). I’m sorry. I do.
So back in the day when I was working on my graduate degree I met this boy. And I feel in love with him. and everything was going along just dandy for about one week.
Then, on an unassuming Wednesday night, this boy and I had plans to go see some band and he totally blew me off. As in, I called his phone and he didn’t answer. so i sent him a txt, to which he didn’t reply. So, because this boy and I lived in the same apartment complex I even went upstairs to knock on his door. and I think (If I remember right) he sounded like he was home but he didn’t answer his door.
So, being the smart, confident girl that I am, I completely broke things off with this boy. or at least i wish i had.
Instead, this boy and I continued to date for months and every time we were together it was SO good. and every time he acted like an idiot, it was SO bad.
Eventually, I moved my butt to South Dakota
to get over him for a job. and it pretty much worked out. The job was super fun. and ya, this boy and talked on the phone every now and then, but I pretty much moved on. I would say I 100 98 percent moved on.
Now, a few months later I find myself in Oshkosh, Wisconsin (home of a very famous clothing company) and this boy calls me up. Just like that. My phone rings and his name pops up and it’s like nothing bad had ever happened between this boy and me. And I find out that he had moved to Hawaii — something he had always talked about, but now had actually done. (I’m not going to lie, the most amazing part of talking to him on the phone while i was here in Oshkosh and he was an ocean away was that we were magically having a real-time conversation.)
So this boy tells me he’s going to be back in the continential United States soon and maybe he and I could see each other. And because I’m smart and confident I politely refuse. After all this is the boy that acted like an idiot SO many times to me. or at least i wish i had refused.
Instead, I spent the next few days trying to rearrange my friking life to fit this boy back in it — even if it is for just a day or two. And because in all areas of my life besides relationships I think I really am smart and confident, I manage to rearrange my life enough to go see him. And I call him to tell him how excited I am to see him and to figure out which day would work best and to talk about what we’re going to do and to tell him to have a safe plane ride and….
i get his voicemail. and he never calls me back. and i’m sure if I do find my way down to his hometown when he’s back on the main land, we’ll bump into each other. But I’m also sure he’s not going to be calling me back any time soon.
And I ask myself, ‘self, why can’t you ever REALLY be smart and confident in relationships?’
well, at least now I’ve got a goal.