The only certainty is bad grammar – Page 26 – Too personal for the internet.

All of our wrists are probably doomed.

December 7, 2012 Crystal humor, medium

My wrists are feeling better than they were. I mean, they’re not like “better” as in pain free or anything, but they’re on the mend for sure.

I’ve had three physical therapy appointments where I basically just sat with my wrists in huge heating blankets for 10 minutes or something and then the therapist used ultra sound therapy on my wrists.

And not like, “Oh, let’s just make sure there’s no alien living in your wrists to be on the safe side”-ultra sound therapy, but like the ultra sound rays or whatever are supposed to help them heal.

There’s not even a screen with an image of the inside of my wrists, which is kind of disappointing.

When I asked the dude what the ultra sound machine even did, he seriously said, “Nobody really knows.”

That was his answer. “Nobody really knows.”

But it doesn’t really matter I guess, because it does seems to be working.

I just have to stay pretty well medicated, and not use my wrists for anything at all ever for a little while longer. The prognosis is good after that. In fact, if I play my cards right, the whole thing could heal and I could be using my wrists for all sorts of activities by summer!

But, I need to tell you, as a sort of life warning, that for some reason, right now, in my current condition, doing anything on my super huge smart phone makes them throb.

Seriously. Throb. Like, “bum bump, bum bump, bum bump” with pain.

And I’m not saying tendinitis is definitely going to happen to you because you have a smart phone or anything, but you should probably be on guard for it. Maybe set it down every three hours or so, and cut back on the Words with Friends and Facebook.

Because I wouldn’t wish the pain I’ve been in the last few weeks on anyone.

Wrist rest: De Quervain’s tenosynovitis

Published: November 29, 2012 / Updated: November 29, 2012 Crystal sh*tty things that happen to me, short, Uncategorized

Typing really sucks right now because I have De Quervain’s tenosynovitis, which is more commonly known as Tendonitis.

Basically my tendons are swollen in my wrists. Both of them. And the part where they go over the bone feels like someone is jabbing an ice hammer into the side of my arm and trying to crush my bones at all times.

I’m on prescription pain meds and have to do “wrist rest” (say that 10 times. Strike that. Try to say that even three times fast. I dare you) for two weeks. Part of the wrist rest involves wearing super sexy braces that curve up over my thumb, and make it impossible to bend them my wrist. Basically, their only downfall is that they are removable.

So all day, I’m like, “Well, obviously the doctor didn’t mean I had to wear them when I do my hair and make-up in the morning.” And, “Obviously, I’m not actually supposed to wear them when I’m getting dressed.” Followed by, “Well it’s not like I can actually wear them when I put clothes in the washer, or brush my teeth or rinse dishes or breathe. No reasonable person would ask me to do that.”

So ya, I need to work on that.

Anyway, all this means that playing Words with Friends really hurts, checking emails really hurts, and typing this post really hurts. So I’m going to be healing my wrists for at least the next week and likely won’t get back to your Words with Friends game until it automatically resigns me for not playing for 22 days or whatever the limit is.

Sorry in advance.

Falling in love with make-up tutorials.

Published: November 10, 2012 / Updated: November 10, 2012 Crystal humor, im cool, medium, random thoughts

My favorite things to do on Saturday morning is searching YouTube for videos about “awesome eye make-up for blue eyes.”

I’ve gotten totally obsessed with make-up tutorial videos as of late.

Looking back, it was really a combination of factors that led me here. First, as with most cool things I discover, I originally heard about the whole concept of online make-up tutorials from some girls in my youth group.

Then, while wasting away hours of my life looking at Pinterest, I saw a photo of a girl with rainbow hair and discovered Kandee J.

She is awesome and fun and wonderful and my new virtual best friend and I could watch her all day long. She has taught me how to chalk my hair, contour my face, do open smokey eyes, and use dry shampoo so that now I only have to wash my hair every other day (don’t worry, I still totally shower every day. Gawd. I’m not gross. It’s called a “shower cap” people).

Then, of course, I started searching for other awesome teachers (specifically ones who have the same skin town as myself) and I found Sam Schuerman, who might be kind of copying Kandee J., but I don’t really care because I cannot get enough of these online tutorials.

Her “make your blue eyes pop” video literally changed my life.

And I cannot wait to try dying my hair pink in the same classy way she did.

Of course, none of my success would be possible if it weren’t for the best make-up company ever.

No. Seriously. Please let that sink in.

The. Best. Make. Up. Company. Ever.

EyeLipsFace (E.L.F.). You’re wondering what the heck is so great about them? Well I will tell you. They are super cheap. Like $1 for mascara, or lip gloss, or fake eyelashes cheap. They sell the brand at Target, Wal-Greens and Dollar Tree, but the real treasure is online, where they have a huge collection of dirt cheap face paint.

And when you subscribe, you get a coupon just about every hour for free shipping, or half off all lip products, or 30% off all mineral make up.

And I don’t understand how any other makeup company is still in business with these guys looming around.

Now excuse, while I search YouTube for “how to apply liquid eyeliner like a pro.”