The only certainty is bad grammar

Go Bears Go!

(I have to write about the Bears because I can’t post about all the other stuff I’m dealing with right now).

Seriously! Go BEARS! I love you guys! You can totally beat the stupid Packers. I predict 27-24 Bears in a nail bitter that Gould wins for us. Also, I’m kind of hoping Aaron Rodgers gets sacked like 50 times. In a nice Christian sorta way, but still.

(All my stress has to do with life choices, and oh dear, I fear I’ve already said too much).

My favorite part about the Bears’ games is that it’s a chance to hang out with friends and family and bond and eat and fellowship. I also love that they give me a chance to wear navy blue because that color totally brings out my eyes.

(I’m seriously stressed out here folks!)

Really, the games are a perfect escape. A chance to let out some anger in a way that doesn’t actually hurt anyone. A chance to get really emotionally involved in something that has little actual impact on my life. A chance to just zone out during commercial breaks.

(No, for real, I’m like need-some-Pepto stressed out).

I used the think it was stupid for people to care so much about something that doesn’t actually matter, but now I understand — that is exactly the point of football games. You get to completely envelop yourself in something where the outcome is non-consequential, unrelated to any of your own efforts and super fun. It’s really freeing, in a weird sports way.

Sure, if the Bears lose I might be super sad come 6:15 p.m., but I’ll go to church Sunday night, and then wake up and go to work Monday morning, same as any other week. And you know what I’ll do if the win? Church, then work. Same as any other week.

So ya, for sure, Go Bears Go! I sincerely hope you win. But in the meantime, the game itself will be just the escape I need.

Woot! Woot!

Now that’s what I’m talking about folks! The Bears are back and they aren’t going to let anyone go for any sort of two-point conversion in OUR HOUSE.

What’s that Falcons? You think can pass the ball down the field? Ha. Funny. Not going to happen. Bears defense is your worst enemy.

Best part of the game was when the Falcons fumbled and the pile of players were all going for the ball like it was a Super Bowl ring right there on the field, and then one of the Bears players still standing up,  grabbed a Falcon players’ leg and tried to pull him out, and then the Falcon payer, who’s head was under the pile, kind of kicked in the air, like, WHAT THE WHAT?

Bears ball. And we will literally pull you out of the pile by your legs if that’s what it takes.

I think this could be THE year folks! Defense? Still awesome. Special Teams? Still have Robbie Gould. Offense? I think the 30 points should shut everyone up.

Heck, Jay barely even pouted. If he can go with that all season, we’ll be bleepin’ golden.

The whole game day experience was that much sweeter because last week I actually saw everything live. I went to my first game, and it was preseason and whatnot, but it was still seriously awesome. (Thanks to Eric Jensen and the youth group for the best birthday gift ever!)

My brother and I had seats in the second-to-top row, and ya, we had to climb a small mountain and then scale a castle to get up there, but you could still see every player and coach and mascot clear as day.

And I loved singing “BEAR DOWN! CHICAGO BEARS! YOU’RE THE PRIDE AND JOY OF ILLINOIS!” every time they scored while the rest of the world went to commercial.

Yesterday, I spent too much time looking at the TV and wondering where exactly my seat was, but I also had a whole different feel for the coverage after seeing it all in person. I also gained a stronger appreciation of the magical yellow lines the networks use. Those things rock. How the heck did anyone every know where the first downs were before they were invented?

It’s a good time to be a Bears fan folks. A good time. Now excuse me while I obsessively listen to ESPN radio in my car so I can repeatedly hear them talk about how awesome the Bears were yesterday.

I leave you with my pictures from the preseason game. Enjoy and whatnot.

Even at Bears’ games I take pictures of myself. And even at a Bears game my eyes look drunk when as sober as a Methodist pastor on Easter.

Fourth phase is the fans! Get it? Me too! (Now).

This is actual photo of actual football players playing actual football. You’re welcome.

My brother started reading the Bible. True story.

This is a miracle equivalent to feeding 5,000 people, or a $500 bank error in your favor, or finding out there’s no line on the Raging Bull AND Vertical Velocity at Great America.

Basically, I’m pretty excited about it.

It all started when we all just chilin’ at a Christian books store like a month ago, and I was like, “We should get him a Bible.” And then the clerk was all, “We have The Message New Testament on sale for $9.99.”

The Message is a really (really!) contemporary translation, which I thought he might like, so I was all “YEAH BUDDY!”. To give you an idea of how contemporary it is, regular John 3:16 is like this:

16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

In The Message, it’s like this:

“This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life.”

So ya, a little different. And I thought it would perfect for him.  But then he was all, “Nah, don’t buy it for me, I’m not going to read it.”‘

Now, I’m going to go for a second into what some people call the “crazy Christian” territory here, but I really think that was the devil trying to work against us.

And I was all, “No, just buy it for him. It’s 10 bucks. Maybe he won’t read it now, but maybe it will sit on his bookshelf for a year or two years or a decade and then one day he’ll just open it up and it’ll change his life.”

So my mom bought for him.

And when he got home, he opened it up and read almost the entire book of Matthew. And then, he took it home and kept reading. And I’m told he’s finished with the Corinthians now.

He says he’s still not sure about all this “church stuff” but he’s definitely thinking about his eternal soul now. The whole thing makes me tear up.

I keep praying that the words will touch his soul, but then I remember that you can’t read the Bible and have it NOT touch your soul.

So now I’m just praying I’ll be able to guide him through the Book of Revelation, which I’m assuming will be more challenging than just handing him the “Left Behind” book.