The only certainty is bad grammar – Page 66 – Too personal for the internet.

I need your help.

Published: May 16, 2010 / Updated: May 16, 2010 Crystal god, humor

Hello all,

As many of you know, over the last year I have been the leader of the high school youth group at my church, First United Methodist Church of Woodstock.

That means, I’m the Bible-verse explainer, whip-cream supplier, mission trip-planner, pie-sale promoter, prayer intervener, God-related-game creator, church-politics-handler, Facebook-stalker, parent-newsletter writer, tough-times/any times-listener, and all-around nice gal.

I love every second of it.

I really, really do.

High school students have this mold-able quality about them that makes spending time with them refreshing and rewarding. They’re one-part adult, one-part idealistic child and one-part crazy-hormone mess. But when you mix all three, you end up with someone who can take advice, and offer their own opinion in response – all while thinking it is the most (insert: exciting/upsetting/great/awful/best/worst) thing ever to happen ever.

Of course, I couldn’t do any of my work with the students without God, so I pray every day he will help me reach them. Thankfully, (most) every Sunday, he does.

Now, I’m asking that you’ll help me and God with that goal as well.

We are planning a youth group trip to Florida, for the end of June. Twenty-five of us — four adults, 20 students and one amazing junior leader– will trek down there in two 15-passenger vans (I’m kind of scared to drive the vans) all in the name of God. While there, we’ll work with children, the elderly and the homeless.

But we need your support to get there.

First, of course, we need your prayer. Lots, and lots and lots of prayer.

If you don’t believe in God, then we need your happy thoughts. Lots and lots and lots of happy thoughts.

Also, we need financial support. We’ve baked pies, made pancakes and sold soup all in an effort to reach our goal of raising $10,000.

But, that’s a LOT of money.

A lot.

And we’re not quite there yet.

So, as the group’s leader I’m making a personal plea on our behalf for support.

If you feel God calling you to help us, you can send a check made out to: First United Methodist Church of Woodstock to: 971 Quill Lane, Woodstock, Il, 60098.

Any amount, big or small, will be really, really, really appreciated.

Seriously.

Also, the trip is at the end of June, and we’re in the final planning stages, so I’m kind of hoping God will compel you to help soon rather than later, if you get my drift.

I know many of you already are praying for me, and I sincerely thank you for that.

And for those you who feel compelled to help us out now, thank you for that too.

Thank you times 1 trillion.

Thank you.

I couldn’t do any of this without you or God, and I know that.

So, seriously, thank you.

Love,
Crystal Lindell

I still like Facebook / Newspapers should learn from Facebook

Published: May 14, 2010 / Updated: May 14, 2010 Crystal humor, im cool, medium

Maybe it’s because I’m a blogger, or because I’m a journalist or because I already go around wearing my heart on my tank-top sleeve, but I just do not care if Facebook gives my information to everyone ever all the time.

I don’t.

I use the freaking site for free. FREE! As in, I pay no money to do glorious things such as but not limited to: upload 3,439 photos to the site; send out mass message alerts to my high school youth group kids; and post links to this here blog.

No. Money. At. All.

So, if Mark Zukerburg feels the need to tell Barnes and Noble that I like to read books about humor, fine. Actually, better than fine, because then I get ads that I actually give a crap about.

And if you’re randomly worried that Facebook is shouting from the Internet rooftops about your favorite movies and/or telling Pandora you only listen to country music, than maybe you should just not list your favorite movies on the site to begin with and take Shania Twain off your music section.

Duh.

And well we’re on the topic of things that need to make money, I think newspapers could learn a lot from Facebook.

Basically readers have been using them for free for decades. The 75 cents they charge is for the actual cost of the physical paper and wet ink. The content is all paid for by ads, as in, users get it free.

But the newspaper advertising model now totally sucks when you compare it to super sophisticated things like Facebook, where I only see ads for Taco Bell and Johnny Depp movies because I only like Taco Bell and Johnny Depp movies.

Why are there still newspaper sites out there throwing random ads online about how to lose 1 pound of belly fat each week by following one simple rule? WHY? They should be getting tons of information from their users and then selling it so they can go back to their real mission – gathering content about important things like political scandals, car accidents and parades.

Every reader should only ever see ads that are relevant to their lives and no reader ever should have to fund content.

Also, I just really want this whole “newspapers are dying” thing to get worked out so I can make a decent wage and pay off my student loans and put aside a little extra cash in case Facebook starts charging me.

Getting game

May 11, 2010 Crystal feminism?, humor, im cool, medium, Wow

I’m thinking my 10-year-old sister has better game than me, which I’m sure offers some insight into why I’m single.

I mean, first the girl totally called me out on the corny, corny flirting I was doing with the boy working at the mall food court, all, “THEN, Crystal said, ‘uuu, can I ring your bell?,'” and then, she gave me the genius idea of how to give said boy my phone number.

“Oh! I know,” she tells me. “Just go up and say you need a refill on my Mountain Dew and then give him your number.”

Ladies and gentlemen, “My sister — the player.”

But, I was all, “I’m too scared. I mean, what if he says no, and I die? Or what if he has a girlfriend and she’s standing behind me and hears me and then beats me up and I get a concussion and then I die? Or, what if he thinks I’m the ugliest person ever in the world, heck the universe! AND he tells me so and I die? OR, what if I give him my number and he rips it up right in front of me, and as little pieces of sad napkin confetti fall to the floor, I die? OR!!!! What if he’s really an alien, and I give him my number and then he abducts me and I die. On the moon??!!!”

And my little sister was all, “What? Huh? Dude, I really do need a drink refill, so ya.”

So I found a pen, wrote my number on a napkin and tried my best to sound clever while asking if they charge for soda refills. (They don’t.)

And when he tried to be clever back, all, “Ya, $5,” I took it as a sign that he was totally into me and asked if he had a girlfriend. (He doesn’t).

Then I said, “Well, here’s my number if you want to call me sometime or something.”

AND TWO HOURS LATER HE TOTALLY TEXTED ME!!!! (Dear spell check, texted is a real word. Love, me).

And then we ended up watching a movie together.

And I might even see him again.

And I didn’t even die!!

YAY!!!