I’m thinking my 10-year-old sister has better game than me, which I’m sure offers some insight into why I’m single.
I mean, first the girl totally called me out on the corny, corny flirting I was doing with the boy working at the mall food court, all, “THEN, Crystal said, ‘uuu, can I ring your bell?,'” and then, she gave me the genius idea of how to give said boy my phone number.
“Oh! I know,” she tells me. “Just go up and say you need a refill on my Mountain Dew and then give him your number.”
Ladies and gentlemen, “My sister — the player.”
But, I was all, “I’m too scared. I mean, what if he says no, and I die? Or what if he has a girlfriend and she’s standing behind me and hears me and then beats me up and I get a concussion and then I die? Or, what if he thinks I’m the ugliest person ever in the world, heck the universe! AND he tells me so and I die? OR, what if I give him my number and he rips it up right in front of me, and as little pieces of sad napkin confetti fall to the floor, I die? OR!!!! What if he’s really an alien, and I give him my number and then he abducts me and I die. On the moon??!!!”
And my little sister was all, “What? Huh? Dude, I really do need a drink refill, so ya.”
So I found a pen, wrote my number on a napkin and tried my best to sound clever while asking if they charge for soda refills. (They don’t.)
And when he tried to be clever back, all, “Ya, $5,” I took it as a sign that he was totally into me and asked if he had a girlfriend. (He doesn’t).
Then I said, “Well, here’s my number if you want to call me sometime or something.”
AND TWO HOURS LATER HE TOTALLY TEXTED ME!!!! (Dear spell check, texted is a real word. Love, me).
And then we ended up watching a movie together.
And I might even see him again.
And I didn’t even die!!