Hey there, it has been a hot minute hasn’t it.
Sorry about that folks. It’s been a long hot minute for me though yo, and so for the next two maybe twenty sentences, I just really, really want to throw a pity party for myself. If you aren’t interested in such activities feel free to skip the following three paragraphs.
So, I’m just really, really tired, and I’m broke, and a couple weeks ago I led the youth mission trip for my church, and anyone who’s ever led anything involving 12 teenagers, two vans, 5 hours of sleep a night and one bathroom for 38 girls plus adults, will tell you that it is the single most exhausting thing ever (aside from, I’m assuming, giving birth). It’s also super rewarding and life changing and awesome and more worth it than anything (again, aside from, I’m assuming giving birth), but you just come back feeling like you’ve been wondering around the dessert for 40 days.
(Lookout Mountain, which was more of a hill at the top of its game).
Then, as soon as I got home I tried to dive right back into life, but my body was like OH NO YOU DIDN’T, and I got really sick, and had to take more time off work. Then last week I ran Vacation Bible School, and it too was awesome but also exhausting, and then on Thursday, I totaled my car when I rear-ended someone on I-294 just north of the O’Hare Oasis, and I cried a lot, and the stupid state trooper gave me a $120 ticket because he sucks at life, and then while I waited for the tow truck I had to pee super, super bad, but couldn’t and then debated just using a taco bell cup in my car but didn’t and then I prayed really hard, and finally the tow man arrived and took me to a McDonald’s bathroom.
(For the three of you who haven’t already seen this on my Facebook, this is the “after”).
And then, I had to car shop, which basically, sucks. I’m pretty sure the dealer I went to is shadier than a willow tree, but he gave me Oxycontin or something so I feel in love with a 2006 Toyota Camry that has leather seats and the prettiest black paint you ever saw. And now everyone is trying to tell me to be happy about getting a new car, but really I’m just sad that I had to sign my life/soul away for the next six years for a sunroof and a car that doesn’t require any duck tape.
(She’s so pretty. Also, expensive).
So in conclusion, the mission trip rocked, being sick was my body’s way of screaming, CALM THE CRAP DOWN, Vacation Bible School leaves Christian ear worms in your brain all day, so that you wake up singing “Boom Chicka Boom”, I love my new car/hate my new car payment, and I’m going to hit the pillow early tonight for sure.
It is so interesting to me how our lives have been so similar, but at such different times. From the leading lots of youth groups to going on mission trips to planning and leading a mission trip, I’ve been there. Did you know that I planned a mission trip too- when I was 17? I don’t know who in their right mind lets anyone plan a mission trip outside of the country before they have even started their senior year of high school, and looking back I really wonder what my mom was thinking. Two adults went along as chaperones, but I planned every aspect from the fundraising events to the VBS curriculum we taught to the flights to the passports to memorizing the names of everyone on the trip in alphabetical order and counting the people on the trip about ten million times in those two weeks- I did it all. On top of that I was active in the HS youth group, a leader in the jr high youth group, an occasional volunteer in promiseland, and in the summers I worked in Promiseland coordinating their 10,000 substitute volunteers and I taught and led a group in Oasis, a ministry for 12-18 yr olds whose parents are going through divorce. I don’t say this in a nasty “been there, done that” way, but rather in a “I think I understand a bit of what you are going through” way.
I remember the stress, working on projects for church until 11pm then homework until 3am then up for school at 6:30. I remember the exhilarating highs and gut-wrenching lows, and catching every cold within a 10 mile radius of me because I never got enough sleep. I still hear my mom’s voice in the back of my head warning “Heather, you’re burning the candle at both ends and in the middle!” Looking back, I see I wasn’t listening to the body that God gave me. By the time I was 21, I was burnt out on ministry all together, and I started to resent the clique-ish nature that often happens in ministries. So what I’m saying is burnout when you do ministry is real, and if you don’t take time for you and take time to rest and renew your spirit, it can take away your love for the ministry and the church that you hold near and dear to your heart.
So go rest, and renew your spirit. And I know it’s been like 10 years, but if you ever want to meet up for coffee or anything, I’d be happy to- just shoot me an email.
Yikes! Sounds like things have been really overwhelming! I’m so sorry about the car. I remember well being in an accident and having to car shop…worst feeling ever. Your new car is very pretty, but I’m sorry that she didn’t come cheap. Hopefully brighter days are soon coming!