Guess all my lobbying efforts finally paid off

People magazine declared today, what I’ve know for a long, long, long time.

“Johnny Depp named People’s “sexiest man alive.”

Duh.

depp

In case you forgot (how could you??) this is from that time I met Johnny Depp, died, shot right to heaven, and was remembered forever with a goofy grin on my face.

p.s. Thanks to dad and Jill for alerting me to this news. Not sure what that says about me, but thanks.

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Feel free to scan though for the more interesting questions

I’m stressed, and tired and mad about things I’d rather not write about here. So instead, I pulled this survey from some random online site and decided to fill it out for your weekend reading pleasure. Just take it and be happy you have original content to read on a Saturday night while you watch March Madness.

Have you ever licked the back of a CD to try to get it to work?

Hmm. I didn’t realize that was a possible solution to the problems I’ve had with my Paula Abdul CD. But now that I know.

What’s the largest age difference between yourself and someone you’ve dated?

10 years.

Ever been in a car wreck?

“A” car wreck? No. Multiple car wrecks? Yes. But I’d like to point out that nobody has ever been seriously injured in any of the said wrecks.

Were you popular in high school?

Not so much. But there were like 500 kids in my senior class, so even though I wasn’t homecoming queen or anything, I wasn’t unpopular either.

Have you ever been on a blind date?

Does online dating count? Yes? Well then yes.

Are looks important?

I like for the guy to be a minimum of two inches taller than me, but beyond that, I’m usually good.

Do you have any friends that you’ve known for 10 years or more?

Yes. Her name is April C. Eichele. (pronounced i kill.)

By what age would you like to be married?

I’d rather be happy and single then miserable and married by a certain age.

Does the number of people a person’s slept with affect your view of them?

Not one bit.

Have you ever made a mistake?

Where are the people who say no to this question? I want to meet them right this second.

Are you a good tipper?

Yes. I once waitressed and it sucked. If you think a 10 percent tip is good, you suck.

What’s the most you have spent for a haircut?

Counting a dye job and whatnot? $200 ish. Don’t judge. Boys spend WAY more than that on what I would call simply “stupid car things”

Have you ever had a crush on a teacher?

Yes.

Have you ever peed in public?

No.

What song do you want played at your funeral?

Ave Maria, Amazing Grace and something upbeat, like “I like big butts and I cannot lie” just to make sure things don’t get too sad.

Would you tell your parents if you were gay?

Yes. I’m not. But yes, I would. I don’t think they’d care.

What would your last meal be before getting executed?

Taco bell gordita supreme, and a side of Boston Market mac and cheese. (If I was about to die, I give up on the vegan thing.)

Beatles or Stones?

Beatles. Yellow submarine anyone?

If you had to pick one person on earth to die, who?

I know who. He knows who. That’s all I need to say.

Beer, wine or hard liquor?

I enjoy a nice mixed drink, but I’m also a fan of the white wine.

Do you have any phobias?

I’d rather people not touch my ears.

What are your plans for the future?

I used to have plans, but then my industry got cancer and started dying, so now I’m just winging it.

Do you walk around the house naked?

I usually opt for at least some undergarments and a t-shirt.

If you were an animal what would you be?

A dog.

Hair color you like on someone you’re dating?

Brown.

Would you rather be blind or deaf?

Deaf. I like good design too much.

Do you have any special talents?

Some people would argue that I can write.

What do you do as soon as you walk in the house?

Take off my shoes and throw my purse on the kitchen table.

Do you like horror or comedy?

Comedy. I watched that Freddy Kruger movie and an unhealthy age (like 5) and I’ve been screwed up ever since.

Are you missing anyone?

I move too much, so I’m usually missing at least one person at any given moment now.

Where do you want to live when you are old?

Hawaii. Or at least south of Kentucky.

Who is the person you can count on the most?

My mom. She’s my biggest fan and will answer my call no matter what time of day or night.

If you could date any celebrity past or present, who would it be?

Johnny Depp.

What did you dream last night?

I met an attorney yesterday (Friday), then I dreamt I was on trial for something.

What is your favorite sport to watch?

Bears Football (and yes, i’m excited about jay cutler!!!)

Are you named after anyone?

Not that I know of.

What is your favorite alcoholic drink?

Amaretto Stone Sour

Non alcoholic drink?

Coke

Have you ever been in love?

Yes. I still wonder if he was my soul mate. You say crazy, I say, you don’t know what that time with him was like for me.

Do you sing in the shower?

Most days.

Have you ever been arrested?

Not yet.

What is your favorite Holiday?

Fourth of July.

Would you ever get plastic surgery?

After this? No thanks.

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