Johnny Depp

Top 5 ways in which the recession isn’t total crap.

First, I need everyone to know that my deep-rooted hatred of the recession is very real. I hate it more than flossing, getting oil changes and paying my student loans, combined. I hate it more than Jay Leno, more than watching golf, and more than speeding tickets.

But. Well. See. Last night, I was watching Desperate Housewives while eating a piece of my $5 hot-and-ready pizza from Little Caesars, and I started to see some upsides. I figured I should write them down so I can read though it the next time I’m living for a week on Ramen Noodles.

5. Tons, and tons and tons of story ideas.

I’ve written about 7,493 stories for work that somehow related to the horrid economy. And my fellow reporters have done the same. Want to know how the recession effected napkin sales, or obesity, or both? We probably did a front-pager on all three.

With that many articles, it’s hard not end up with some really good stuff, like the series of vignettes I wrote about the unemployed, and the great articles about failing city developments and pieces on school districts cutting everything but math and water fountains. Really fun to dig into and share with the world.

4. Things are super cheap.

UMM, $5 for a hot-and-ready pizza. FIVE DOLLARS! That is just insane. Amazing. A whole freaking pizza for $5! AND, Six Flags season passes are on sale for $64.99. For a SEASON PASS! As in, it’s good for the WHOLE SEASON.

I can buy all my clothes on clearance for less than $8 at even the expensive places, like Gap. Cricket offers unlimited everything plus one for cell phones for $25 a month. Subway sells foot-long sandwiches for $5. Houses sell for $3 (ish). And GoogleVoice is FREE!!!

It’s great. I love it. I mean, sure, the prices are low because nobody has any money, but it’s still exciting.

3. My job is no longer my top priority.

When my whole life centered on my career, I had to be the best all the time everyday no matter what, because if I wasn’t then suddenly all the sacrifice wasn’t worth it. But then, the recession came and pummeled my industry. Suddenly, being the best didn’t even matter. There were no raises, no promotions, no job prospects. Being the best at my job turned into the equivalent of being the best at Facebook’s Farmville – nobody cared.

I still work hard, and I will never, ever reach a point where an article with my name on it isn’t the best it could be. But I don’t feel so bad about leaving, say, ON TIME, or saying “No” to an assignment.

And with that, comes a freedom to have a life.

2. I lost a ton of weight.

I had been trying to lose weight since the day before forever, but it was never at the top of my to-do list. The top half of that list included things such as: Find a new job. Move to where new job is. Repeat.

But then, the recession came and killed all the new jobs, so I had to go down to the second half of my list. And there it was. “Lose weight.”

Being in the same place, with a steady life and access to a steady stream of exercise and food choices did a lot to help me meet that goal. And I’m really happy I did.

1. I grew closer to God.

It is possible to have a strong relationship with God when you move to a new church every six to eight months, but it’s possible like me fitting into size 2 jeans is possible or the Cubs winning a World Series this year is possible.

My newfound steady living situation helped me to really get involved with my church on a level I never would have imagined when I was moving at both the beginning and end of every football season. I’m leading the youth group, attending fundraising events, and really connecting during praise and worship services.

And, well, when you have $4 to last the week, it’s hard NOT to turn to God for help. But, later, when money magically appears from some random source, it’s hard not to say thanks to the big man then too.

By using God as my crutch, he somehow turned into my friend. Seems like a little economic downturn is a small price to pay for all that.

Wouldn’t mind if the economy kicked into high gear anyday now though. Just sayin’.

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GoDaddy doesn’t suck. Just their commercials do.

What makes me saddest about those horrible GoDaddy commercials that try to be porn during the Super Bowl is that GoDaddy is actually a really, really great web hosting company.

Period.

Here’s a look at one of the spots they ran (for the three of you who were watching the puppy bowl instead of the game):

First of all, what the crap does that even say about Web hosting? Nothing. Less than nothing, actually. Second, Danica Patrick is barely even famous. Third, they could have just used ME instead.

I would have even done it for free, as long as they mentioned my blog (think of the CLICKS!!). Obviously it wouldn’t be all porn-like, if it was me in it. (duh). Instead, it would be testimonial style.

I’d tell my [true ] story about GoDaddy, which would be inter-cut with B-roll of my blog and me at my laptop in my mario bros. pajama pants.

Picture it:

[Start with me, sitting on a stool in a blank white room, talking to the camera:]

Hi. My name is Crystal Lindell. I’m the creator of the site, “The only certainty is bad grammar.” It’s a blog I run at sevenlayerburritos.com. [Show screen shot of blog, with mouse moving around it].

I started the site a couple years ago on one of those free blog platforms. But in 2008, I decided to take it to the next level and get my own domain.

I decided to use GoDaddy for my hosting services because, well, honestly, they were the only company I knew about. But it’s worked out great, and I’ve been using them ever since. I mean, their prices are amazing, and their technical support, well, let’s just say, I didn’t even know what a server was when I started, but they’ve always been there to help.

In fact, one time, my site wasn’t loading. I guess GoDaddy was having problems with a server or something, and I was getting really frustrated. I actually even sent out a Twitter message that said something like, ‘If GoDaddy doesn’t fix its server soon, I’m going to have to find a new hosting service.’ [Inter-cut shot of the Tweet, or me using Twitter].

Then, within minutes, a GoDaddy support person found the tweet, realized which Web site I ran, found my account and called me. [Maybe play a clip of a GoDaddy calling someone]. I mean, he actually called me on my phone. He said he was the company’s Twitter guy and that he wanted to help fix my problem.

At first, I was a little freaked out, but then I realized this was the real deal. He ended up moving my site over to a blog-specific server that was better able to deal with my archives. Within like an hour, the whole thing was up and running, and it didn’t cost me anything.

I haven’t had any problems since.

Now, I recommend GoDaddy to everyone I know who’s even thinking about starting a site. [show footage me recommending GoDaddy to a hot guy, maybe Johnny Depp, or if Danica is under contract or something, it could even be her].

I know they’ll have some seriously good support, and I wouldn’t want anything less for my friends. [End with a shot of me smiling or laughing or something].

The end.

Now, how could that NOT make you want to go start a web site with GoDaddy, like yesterday? THAT commercial would have been about a ka-jillion times better, and I guarantee it would have gotten people talking because everyone would have been so happy that GoDaddy wasn’t offending every woman ever.

But no, they decided to make a sex scene instead. So, now I have to go around constantly defending the company to my friends, telling them that that stupid spot wasn’t representative of GoDaddy’s service at all.

And that’s just lame.

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Guess all my lobbying efforts finally paid off

People magazine declared today, what I’ve know for a long, long, long time.

“Johnny Depp named People’s “sexiest man alive.”

Duh.

depp

In case you forgot (how could you??) this is from that time I met Johnny Depp, died, shot right to heaven, and was remembered forever with a goofy grin on my face.

p.s. Thanks to dad and Jill for alerting me to this news. Not sure what that says about me, but thanks.

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