doctors – Page 6 – The only certainty is bad grammar

Immediate Care is what I need immediately.

Published: April 5, 2013 / Updated: April 5, 2013 Crystal Uncategorized

I went to Immediate Care at Loyola in Burr Ridge Tuesday morning because I felt like someone was stabbing me in my right rib.

Which wouldn’t be a big deal in an of itself, except that it has felt like someone has been stabbing me in the right rib for about two months now, which makes it hard to think clearly and stuff.

And I wanted to go to Loyola because that’s where my doctors are and I have no idea where their actual ER is but their Immediate Care is kind of on my way to work.

And I’ve been having trouble working lately, what with the stabbing pain and all, so I kind of wanted to make it to the office. I thought that best case scenario I could stop in, get some help and maybe make it into to work for the afternoon.

Except when I got there, the doctor was all, “Why didn’t you go to the ER?”

And I was all, “Well last time I went to the ER, they diagnosed me with an ulcer, which was technically correct but not really the source of my pain at all, and then I spent a month with stabbing rib pain thinking an ulcer was causing it when it wasn’t. And I gave up tomatoes for no reason.”

And she was all, “Oh.”

And then she offered me a prescription for codeine.

And I was all, “Umm, ya, codeine doesn’t do anything for my pain.”

And then, with a very exasperated voice, she was all, “Well! I can’t give you anything stronger than codeine at Immediate Care!”

As my boyfriend says, “Immediate Care: Unless you’re in too bad of shape.”

She did give me a steroid pack. Which I thought was working. But now I feel like I’m dying again, so I don’t think it is.

I also tried to take two of the codeine she did give me anyway. The had the same effect as an M&M.

I want to cry a lot.

Breathe again

Published: March 21, 2013 / Updated: March 21, 2013 Crystal medium

On Tuesday night my ribs were basically like, “Go eff yourself.”

I laid in bed in pure pain.

Every. Single. Breath. Hurt.

My ribs. Hurt.

I was alone.

I was in agony.

And I didn’t really know what to do.

I took a hydrocodone, but I might as well have taken a Skittle.

I thought about going to the ER, but figured racking up a huge bill so I get some good drugs probably wasn’t worth it.

I cried.

But that hurt. So I stopped.

And I just laid there. In pain. Crying on the inside.

I tried ranking my pain in my head.

I thought about how being dead would be better than the pain I was in.

I figured that had to put me at like an 8 or a 9.

I tried to move so that my body weight was in a different position. But that didn’t help.

An hour went by. Then another hour. I kept crying on the inside.

I realized how easy it is to get to a point where you just want to give up. Give in. Quit.

I thought about being dead some more.

Another hour passed. I closed my eyes for a few minutes and just ached with every breath and every movement.

The night crept by slowly.

And then, finally, after a series of short naps, it was time to wake up.

I got ready for work. The hot shower seemed to ease things. I thought maybe the day wouldn’t be so bad.

Then I got in the car. I made it about 20 minutes before I was crying in agony.

I willed myself to drive the rest of the way to work. Another 60 minutes. I needed to get my work laptop so I could get some stuff done at home.

I got there. Stopped at my desk to call a doctor I hadn’t seen about this yet, walked over to my bosses’ office with tears in my eyes to tell him I was leaving for the day and then I got back in my car.

I drove to see Dr. Pangan.

I said, “You have to help me.”

He examined my ribs, and when he touched the bones, I felt the wind come out of me. I cried. So much.

He thinks it could be rib fracture. He says costochondritis should be gone by now. He wrote a prescription for some new meds, ordered a chest X-ray and some blood work to check my inflammation levels. And he referred me to a pain specialist.

The pain specialist.

That is the man I want to meet.

That is the light at the end of the tunnel.

That is who will help me breathe again.

those with doctorates are fine, it’s doctors i hate

April 26, 2008 Crystal anti-meat, long

well the book i read about bein’ vegan SAID my stomach would hurt for like a month after i gave up everything-animal — i assumed it was related to some sort of cheese withdrawal — but it’s been like 2.5 months now, and my stomach still freaking hurts.

oh, and i’m STILL dizzy.

Now, a NORMAL person probably would go see a doctor if they were having stomach problems and getting dizzy.

but im a STUPID person, who likes to rationalize things away under the assumption that my health problems will fix themselves. (i do this with cars too). so in that spirit, here is a list of ten reasons why I really, really, really, don’t want to go see a doctor:

1. i freaking hate finding a doctor covered by my insurance.

2. oh ya, and actually, i just hate insurance companies. they’re so manipulative. they say things like ‘oh, you just have to pay $10 and we’ll cover the rest,’ but what they mean is ‘oh, we said TEN dollars? well, we’ll just bill you the other $3,500 for that test we don’t cover. no big deal right?’

3. i hate when doctors are judgemental. and this really makes me mad, because my junior high health teacher told me this wouldn’t be a problem. so not only do i feel judged, i feel lied to.

4. im worried the doctor will tell me i need to lose weight.

5. and then i will tell the doctor that i’m LOSING weight because im vegan.

6. and then the doctor will tell me that being a vegan is SUPER unhealthy. so I’ll feel guilty about my weight AND my diet. and I’ll go home and cry.