humor – Page 41 – The only certainty is bad grammar

like taking a needle from a herion addict (or maybe just a lighter from a smoker)

Published: December 27, 2008 / Updated: December 27, 2008 Crystal blackberry, Uncategorized

Dear blackberry makers,

When you sold me my $17 memory card and explained that it could in fact store the world on it, I thought I would be safe to umm, store stuff on it.

I was wrong.

The other day, I was just sitting on the couch when my dad called and to my surprise I heard a default ringtone. (TO CLARIFY, THERE WAS NO WATER ON MY COUCH). after looking through some every file on my phone, i realized the normal ringtone (fittingly “I’m not going to write you a love song”) no longer was on my memory card – because it had deleted itself.

That’s right. IT DELETED ITSELF! That freaking thing had video, pictures, digital recording of work interviews, music and the air I breathe stored on it.

I didn’t panic though. I thought, surely those nice folks at one of many local Verizon stores could fix the problem. No. no they couldn’t. In fact, I’m would argue that they either a. didn’t know what exactly my problem was b. didn’t believe me or c. assumed i must have dropped the phone in the atlantic, seeing as how severe water damage was the only explanation.

In any case, I am extremely disappointed with the quality of this device and it’s corresponding memory card. I have since developed trust issues and am wondering if I should (gasp) switch to some sort of apple product for all my memory-card related needs. (Those iPod touch thingys look pretty tempting). Just wanted to give you a heads up!

Thanks for your time,

Lindell

random thoughts

Published: December 19, 2008 / Updated: December 19, 2008 Crystal humor, im cool

1. Yes, I’m aware that i totally used God’s (and his relation’s) name in vein about 46 times in the post “insane.” you know what? I’m a little peeved with the guy right now (see: let’s recap why my life sucks). plus, i NEED to take out my frustrations some-freaking-where and im fully aware that God will forgive me, whereas other people might not be so quick to get over it.

2.the dr. at the emergency room who i see every month or so (see: gall stones) is named hobnob (or something like that). and it’s funny. and even when i feel death coming, i still laugh when i see his name on the white marker board in the er room.

ha.

hob-nob.

i crack myself up.

3. im told to avoid dairy at least until i get my gall bladder out. still trying to figure out why exactly God hates me.

4. when i get really stressed out, my contacts get filmy for some reason, and as you may have read, i’ve been d*mn stressed out lately. as a result i now think everywhere is foggy. car, office, bathtub, etc.

5. when my sister and i drove into a ditch, the tow truck driver charged me $30 cash, but i think my roadside assistance should have covered it the whole thing. im pretty sure i got scammed.

6. i still really, really want a laptop, but recent crazy life-events have led me to drastically reduce my laptop savings fund. however, if anyone wants to buy me a lap top, i’d totally accept.

7. plans for my saturday include: sleeping, watching reailty tv, not eating dairy, and sleeping.

8. i no longer back-link to posts because my hosting service (look at me being all cool and using phrases such as “hosting services”) (look at me being all lame by using “such as” and not “like” — that’s the crazy journalist in me) takes FOREVER to do oh, anything. someday, when im rich and awesome and have a new laptop and an awesomer (apparently my crazy journalist side doesn’t mind awesomer though) hosting service i will back-link again.

let’s recap why my life sucks

Published: December 19, 2008 / Updated: December 19, 2008 Crystal humor, medium, sh*tty things that happen to me

last week, i had to deal with my family’s domestic violence situation. then my sister and i drove into a ditch in the middle of 72 corn fields and had to get towed out, then i had to call dcfs, then my mom stopped talking to me. then, last night (thursday) i had another gall stone attack, felt like i was going to die, drove myself to the emergency room during a blizzard, was given drugs that made it illegal for me to drive and then proceeded to be unable to find anyone in a 20 mile radius who’d ANSWER THEIR PHONE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT WHEN IT’S MOST LIKELY AN EMERGENCY! to pick me up from the hospital, got a ride home at 3:30 a.m. from a cab driver who smoked and tried to kill me while driving on awful snow-filled roads and now have to work until 11 p.m.

i used to say, it could be worse, i could be blago. but seriously, that man brought on his own d*mn problems. i think i’d rather be him than me at this point.