a trip to the car doctor

Published: May 14, 2009 / Updated: May 15, 2009 Crystal humor, im cool, medium

fine. whatever. i finally went to get a stupid, lame oil change.

i know. i should have gotten it like 7,000 miles ago. I KNOW. leave me alone. paying for car-anything sucks. i hate paying for car crap with all my heart. we should all just be happy that i manage to fill it up with gas on a regular basis. ok?

so ya, since i finally took my lovely green escourt to the car doctor, i knew it was time to talk about THE SOUND.

some have thought it was a space ship. some have thought it was a tornado siren. some have thought my car was actually talking. (hi april).

it’s been making this weird high-pitched flute-like noise, for oh, umm, about a year or so. no seriously. a year.

and i’ve just been going around ignoring it while turning up my radio. but now summer is here again, and i keep rolling down my window. and then, of course, i can hear it. and well, i was told yesterday that it would actually be much, much worse if say my car just up and died on me,  then it would be to pay whatever it costs to fix it, so i really need to get it fixed asap, and well, when you put it that way. fine.

so i asked the mechanics to check it out. and then one of them realized that the noise was coming from my oil dip stick, which was hitting something because of a crazy suction problem. and im not going to lie, i kind of thought this was funny.

the mechanic did NOT think this was funny.

and he explained to me that it was being caused because of some weird air pattern from my engine.

and i asked him how bad it was, like was my car going to blow up?

and he said, very seriously, that he did not know. but it could.

and that i NEED to get it looked at by a dealer like yesterday. but then, he went and jimmy rigged it, so it doesn’t make that noise anymore.

me in my head: cool. it’s fixed.

him. reading my thoughts: it is NOT fixed.

me in my head: whatever, i’ll just get it looked at some day.

him. reading my thoughts agian: do NOT wait to get this looked at. in fact. you should drive it directly to the dealer right now.

me in my head,( this time smiling at him, like ‘silly boy, im not going to do that’): ya. that’s not going to happen.

him. using his telepathy power again: no. SERIOUSLY. GET THIS CHECKED NOW.

instead i drove back to work, then home.  and i plan to repeat tomorrow.

if you get some weird phone call at 11:27 p.m. tomorrow, please answer. there’s a good chance my car just died on route 14.

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is it ok if i just talk about driving and cars on this blog from now on?

July 30, 2008 Crystal humor, long

sigh.

so driving has officially taken over my existence.

yesterday, there i was, living my little life in mchenry, illinois when i went to start my ford escourt.

only my ford escourt (we’ll call her penelope) wasn’t having it.

she was all ‘ya. im not going to start. i hate that you just use me for your long-a$$ commutes, and you never get the good gas, and you never say thank-you, and you STILL haven’t gotten my muffler fixed.’

and i was all ‘WHAT!? I thought things were going so well  between us. if it means that much to you i’ll totally get you the 93 octane gas next time.’

but she still didn’t start.

that b*tch.

she didn’t even care that i had to cover a meeting in like 10 minutes. nope. she didn’t care one bit.

so i had to track down the only other reporter who works out of my bureau office and have her drive me to the library.

then, after the meeting, i had to beg the night editor to send someone to rescue me so i could get my story in on time.

at this point an angle appeared. 

his name is Mr. Awesome. (true story) and after he drove me to the main newspaper office in Crystal Lake so I could write my story, he was all ”oh, what? you need a ride to naperville, and that’s one hour away? sure. no problem. and don’t you worry your pretty little head about gas money.”

and since my pretty little head already was worried about my car, i listened to him.

and he drove me home.

and then, i had to figure out how the heck i was going to get back to my poor little car, which had found its way to crystal lake after a little boost from my jumper cables. (before you’re all ‘why didn’t you just drive the dang thing home after you jumped it?’ you should know that she kinda died in crystal lake. so there).

BEST FRIEND TO THE RESUCE (ish).

she said she could totally drive me to crystal lake, but only if i waited for her to get off work. and by waited, she meant, wait in her car in her work parking lot because it would be WAY out of the way to come back and pick me up at home when she got off and then drive me to crystal lake.

because car problems force you to work around others schedules, i totally agreed.

also, she said she would lend me the money for the repair, and since i only have $19.47 in my checking account, i was was pretty much her slave at this point.

so i woke up at 6 a.m. and got ready to go to work with her. i grabbed a pillow and a blanket and got comfy. she parked under a tree and said, ‘have fun.’ and i waited for her in the jewel parking lot for four hours.

(aside: i would like to remind everyone at this point that i DO in fact have a master’s degree. and yet i still don’t have the ability to pay for my own car problems, so i have to subject myself to hours on end in a parking lot.)

finally we made our way back to penelope.

she was still in a pissy mood. i jumped her again (which you’d think she’d like) and a few minutes later she died in the middle of the road.

yep. right there on a busy ass two-lane highway. and the truckers were whatever the opposite of sympathetic is. (mean?)

i pretty much feared for my life at this point.

so i started crying.  

my best friend had to turn around and jump the b*tch again so i could make it to the repair shop. then those idiots at the shop told me they just didn’t have any time to look at her until at LEAST friday.

i gave up on life at this point and decided instead to become a tree. (i had heard they don’t need cars)

luckily my best friend pulled me back to reality and helped me find a mechanic who WOULD help me immediately. (thank you god.)

im pretty sure the shop was just a front for a mob operation (he called someone and told him that he should pick up the ‘mexicans’ now) but whatever, because he totally fixed my car.

and it was only $120.80.

which is about the same amount i spend on gas every week.

so i guess i’ll be ok.

and don’t worry. penelope and i have had a little talk, and i don’t think this will be happening again any time soon. (i told her i was seeing other cars, and she totally got her sh*t together. the ‘check engine’ light is even off.)

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