I’m totally addicted to spray tans.
I got this package from this place across the street from my house, where I pay $40 up front and then for 5 months I get $10 spray tans. ACROSS THE STREET. $10!!! YIPPEE!!! YAY!!! WOHOO!!!
It started with like two a month, but then I thought, if two a month are good, then four a month are great! AND THEN, I was like, well, seven days is kind of long to go between spray tans, so I got one after five days last week.
It’s a problem. OK. I know. Geeze.
I’m working on it.
OK. I’m not really working on it. It’s so fun and they make my blue eyes pop like daggers, and I love them.
Plus, they give you these little stickers, so you can get like spray tan tattoos when you do it, and I got a heart sticker and put it on my wrist and I know it looks guido , but if I die tomorrow, I would like to have a little heart on my wrist all right?
Plus, you know, seeing as how I go around wearing my heart on my sleeve the whole thing is almost poetic.
Speaking of hearts, I’m still single.
Also, I really, really hate when people ask me why I’m single. It’s too the point that I just assume people are thinking it when they meet me, even though they’re probably just thinking about the laundry or the dishes or my typos.
I assume though, that in their minds, they’re all, ‘Hmm, she LOOKS normal. Something must be wrong though. Maybe she kills puppies in her spare time, or maybe her feet smell like garbage mixed with old milk, or maybe she’s just dumb.’
I don’t, they don’t and I’m not.
I’m cool with it.
I’m single. And I’m still a pretty OK person. All right?
And if I die single with my heart on my wrist, well, then so be it.
But I’d rather not.
I’d rather be with my partner, my soul mate, my one and only.
Are those things even real? Do they exist? Should I just give up?
I don’t know, but I’m starting to think my heart will survive either way.