umm, im kind of a loser so the only thing i have to write about right now is my new couch. This might be due to the fact that besides eating, peeing and working the only thing iv’e done since friday is sit on it. (I think i have a bit of a crush on my couch — or as i like to call him, brad (after pitt)).
I’ve watched a LOT of reality TV, seen the first 7 episodes of My Name is Earl (GREAT show btw), and listened to way too many CNN talking heads for my own good.
i WAS kind of worried that i was being lazy, but then i rationalized this away by telling myself that living for 5 months with only an air mattress was kind of like exercise, so i have some lounging to make up for.
Mostly im just excited that when i watch TV i can sit back and lean on something while i do it. (it’s ok to be jealous.)
i even slept on my new couch because i don’t want to leave it during the night (i’m kind of protective that way.)
don’t worry, i’ll start being active again soon — like three, four days max.
Don’t get me wrong, Jesus’ opinion is important to me and all, but when it comes to decisions regarding my passion i typically turn to my younger, idealistic self and ask “what would 2002-crystal do.” (note: im not stupid, i pray about it too.)
right now, my big passion conundrum is that im thinking of leaving my passion behind. and while my 24-year-old self says “doooo it,” my 18-year-old self screams “wtf?!”
but im beginning to see my passion in a new light — an older, more realistic light. and i don’t think i like this view. i don’t think im all that passionate about it any more.
don’t get me wrong, im not going to leave it behind tomorrow or anything crazy. im just saying that for the first time since i discovered what a passion could be, i have no motivation to pursue this any more.
and im typically a fairly happy person, so im thinking i could be passionate about a lot of OTHER things.
i just have to get past those judgemental stares from my 18-year-old self and i’ll be good to go. (forward. without my
current former passion).
sigh. life is hard.
so umm. it kind of sucks that Wisconsin just lost because i don’t think i can win my brackety thingy any more. unless every. other. team. i picked wins and every. other. team. everyone else picks loses.
don’t get me wrong — i still have hope. it’s just fading a bit.