i joined a gym today. I’m a little weary though because they’ve already lied to me. the blue sign out front CLEARLY stated that i could join for $18, but then they were all “well, yes, $18 joining fee, but also a $20 fee for so we can automatically take our monthly fee out of your account because we don’t trust you to pay us, AND $13 for the month of january. don’t worry, we’ve pro rated that for you though, because it’s the last day of the month.”
great. thanks. so where’s the stairmaster? over there. cool. here’s all my money.
now, those of you screaming that i shouldn’t have joined a gym because im broke can stop because my job offers $20 a month to be a member of a gym, so aside from all the lame fees, i pretty much get to work out free.
seeing as i how i had just paid $13 for January, I thought I’d better exercise before the month ended and all, so i got on the stairmaster and i climbed like 3,452 flights. ish. or at least that’s what it felt like. then after a quick shower, i went to my monthly torture session and got my eyebrows waxed.
after that i decided that i wanted to be able to listen to music the next time i worked out as opposed to the default ESPN they play at Cardinal Fitness, so i set out to get finally a new memory card for my pink crackberry.
holy crap are those stupid things expensive. the root of my anger is that i SHOULD get a discount on them because my mom is actually a verizon employee (hi mom!). but i had to con my way into the $12 off because the prison-guard Verizon people are super strict about taking any money off. the first two stores said “ya, no. i don’t know why your memory card broke. we can sell you a new one at full price though.” and i was like “that’s lame” so i went over to the verizon station at the local circuit city, which as it happens is going out of business, and flirted with the guy convinced the guy to just give me the stupid discount. and he did.
and i have since loaded my sara bareilles and JeDee Messina cds on to my phone. yay!
while driving around to all these places, i also called my old friend Justin. the guy and I go wayyyyyy back. like 12 years. true story. and he has a wife. and a kid. and a home. and his whole life figured out. so i started hinting that i was a little jealous about that. and he was all “umm. crystal. do you realize how much freedom you have? AND people just look like they have their life figured out. really. they don’t”
and that was nice to hear.
also, remember the post about me having no money? well a good friend sent me some money that made a huge difference and i don’t want to say his name here in case he’s weird about things like that, but i just wanted it to be on the record: thank you for being my friend.
so remember how 11 days ago i spent my $400 life savings on my super cool new laptop? oh. you forgot? well my bank account sure didn’t. and then, because i love health insurance and all, i also decided to pay them an extra $30 this week so i could get on the cooler plan.
that means, right now, i have $7.23 to last until Friday. and i’ve actually had just $7.23 since Sunday.
actually, on Sunday, I had $32.23, but I felt really guilty at church for even considering not putting something in the offering, so i wrote God a check for $5, and then I spent $20 at Aldi on groceries to get me through the week. ergo, i had $7.23 left.
gosh. when i write that all out, it kind of sounds depressing.
anyway, i have a little less than a quarter tank of gas in my car to get me through tomorrow and Friday morning. and back in they day, i would be living on the edge writing checks that won’t be cashed until Friday. but stupid technology sure has ruined a lot of things for people who live on a paycheck, then live on nothing for a week and then live on the next paycheck, because now everyone just debits the stupid check amount out of the account the minute I write the freaking thing.
makes a girl hate innovation. so instead, I’ve been living on cheap shredded cheese rolled into generic tortilla shells mixed with a fork full of corn from the can I made last four days, and slices of grape tomatoes, which were on sale at aldi for 69 cents a pack. no. silly, i don’t eat it cold. gawd. im not THAT poor. instead i heat it up in the microwave. and just to pretend it’s good, i also add left over packets of taco bell mild sauce i have laying around. oh, and don’t be jealous or anything, but i ALSO have a 99 cent bag of cheese puffs and $1.69 row of chocolate chip cookies, which actually taste like cardboard flavored chocolate, but the 24 grams of sugar per cookie makes up for that.
see how i just named the exact price of a bunch of stuff i just bought? that’s because i’m so broke that i literally have to look at every.single.penny i spend. (and, for those interested, you CAN in fact get four rolls of toilet paper for 79 cents at aldi. true story. and it’s doesn’t even chafe or anything).
all of this doesn’t even take into account the fact every day the mailman (or woman) brings me more medical bills. sometimes, i don’t even open them and instead pretend they must be another survey from centegra hospital wondering how i would rate their care on a scale of 1 to 10. (nurse who yelled at me when i was scared of the iv? a 4. nurse who gave me the motion sickness medicine that reactivated my ability to sit up without vomiting? 12.) (and yes, i make my own little circle, label it 12, and then fill it in).
don’t worry though, my aunt sandy gave me a $10 starbucks gift card for christmas (among other things), and I totally spoiled myself by buying a medium mocha and a slice of lemon cake today.
and i still have $4.03 left on it, so tomorrow’s looking pretty good. pret-ty good indeed.
by the way, don’t bother trying to map out your plan of attack to lecture me on better allocating my money, because i really, really, really wanted this laptop, and i ALREADY know i could have probably eaten a little less taco bell last week, and i’d probably be in a little better shape right now. trust me. i already know.